A 2009 New Orleans Saints Worst Case Scenario Survival Handbook

In spite of reading thousands of pages of self-help literature on inspiration and positive thinking at a local bookstore built on the grounds of a former funeral home, I have not been feeling very inspired lately.

It just occured to me the other day that Aunt Mary's casket  once laid on the very spot where today I read books like Inspiration: Your Ultimate Calling and The Power of Positive Intention with a cup of Seattle's Best in my hand, and I find this a bit unsettling although I continue to return in search of that one book that will change my life forever.

I realize the last time I felt truly inspired was when an absolutely drop-dead gorgeous blonde, a former TV anchor, ran for Congress. She talked a lot. And when she talked, she talked about really important things like honesty and integrity and our responsibility to future generations and I felt so inspired that I climbed to the top of The Circle Bar in New Orleans and hung a huge campaign sign from the balcony in an effort to boost her candidacy.

She lost to a man who admitted to stashing millions of dollars in his freezer and the man who stashed millions of dollars in his freezer then lost to a short Vietnamese man who was not nearly as inspiring as the beautiful blonde.

However, my shrink says that there is hope for me. We both share a passion for football and he believes that once training camp opens at the end of July, I will snap out of my doldrums and regain that "spring in my step" as he phrases it.

As sports talk radio drones on endlessly about whether or not Roger Federer is the greatest tennis player of all-time—a subject I truly do not give a s*** about and am bored out of my skull by, I drive to the funeral home/bookstore and a book catches my eye right around the spot where I paid my last respects to Uncle Murphy—The Worst Case Scenario Survival Handbook.

My thoughts turn toward the New Orleans Saints and worst case scenarios for 2009 and why there is reason for hope that the beleagured franchise may be able to survive and even thrive if any one of these scenarios occur.

Worst Case Scenario No 1: Drew Brees is lost for the year after being hit in the knee by a relative unknown Detroit Lions cornerback trying to make a name for himself in Week One.

So far Brees has avoided injury as a Saint while passing for over 13,000 yards in three seasons. His backup is Mark Brunell who is now as old as Methuselah. Nevertheless, take heart Saints fans. Remember Trent Dilfer and Brad Johnson both guided teams to Super Bowl titles and I will take Brunell over those two any day of the week.

Worst Case Scenario No. 2: Reggie Bush pulls a hamstring or blows out a knee.

Even my shrink finds this scenario depressing. Bush has been injury prone in his first few years with the team and is a potential game-breaker—remember his two punt returns for TDs last year against the Vikings. However, this is a team that is replete with firepower—Brees, Colston, Moore, Henderson, Meachem, and Shockey and will light up the scoreboard with or without Reggie.

Worst Case Scenario No. 3: The Saints' offense drops from first in the NFL to 20th.

With such a deep and talented group it is hard to imagine that this is even remotely possible. Yeah, you're right. This is not even remotely possible. Forgive me for bringing it up.

Worst Case Scenario No. 4: Will Smith and Charles Grant miss the first four games of the NFL season due to suspension.

This is likely going to happen and Gregg Williams' defense is predicated on pressure from the defensive ends. The good news is that two of the Saints first four opponents are the Lions and the Bills, and it is conceivable that the Saints could win those games with Tulane University's starting defensive ends.

Worst Case Scenario No. 5: Defensive Coordinator Gregg Williams has lost his mojo as a defensive coordinator and the Saints rank among the league's worst defenses for the third consecutive year.

The way the defense responded to William's aggressive style in mini-camp and OTAs suggest that the defense is primed to step up to the next level.Despite their lack of success the last two years, there is no shortage of talent among this group: Smith, Grant, Jonathan Vilma, Sedrick Ellis, Bobby McCray, Scott Fujita, Darren Sharper, and Roman Harper.

A University of Oregon psychologist told Time magazine a couple years back that worst-case scenarios seldom materialize. He said something like 90 percent of what we fear never happens.

Then again, he is all the way over in Eugene eating granola bars and probably whitewater rafting with a girl young enough to be his daughter and in all probability has never followed a Saints season from start to agonizing finish.