18 Reasons Donald Trump Is the Worst Sports Fan Ever

At this point it’s been well established that real estate mogul/outlandish attention-seeking clown Donald Trump is not quite as gifted in some areas as he is in others. For instance, he’s fantastic at selling a catch phrase on reality television, but his vocabulary beyond that is relatively limited—especially excluding words like “disaster” and “loser.” 

While there’s no question that Trump has had his fair share of success in the business world, his success in the sports world has been limited. Extremely limited. Actually, it’s been pretty much nonexistent. Donald Trump and sports go together as well as Donald Trump and non-gold-plated toilets.

They just don’t fit. 

Sports is such a bad fit for Trump because he doesn’t value loyalty or tradition—he values money and winning. He doesn’t value athletes, fans, contracts, ethics, common sense, problem solving or even telling the truth. All he really cares about is himself and how everything impacts him. 

He’s basically Freddie Mitchell—and he’s had similar levels of success in football. 

That being said, Trump is a total sports disaster (a description he would both appreciate, on some level, and actually understand) and here are 18 reasons why.

He Favors Pretend Politics over Pretend Sports

AP Photo/Craig Ruttle

Although Trump does seem to enjoy pretending to be in politics and pretending to be in sports, at this point it’s probably fair to say that he’s invested in pretend politics. 

Always stick to what (you think) you know best. 

He Wears Suits to Sporting Events

AP Photo/Elise Amendola)

You know all those loathsome jags sitting courtside at NBA games in their suits? Well, Trump is one of them, except he prefers to see tennis live over basketball and pretty much any other sport. 

He Prefers His Golf Courses Environmentally Stunted and Manicured

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In 2014 the Pinehurst golf course in North Carolina underwent an extreme makeover prior to the U.S. Open, restoring its “authentic, rugged past” and doing away with the endless sea of manicured turf in favor of native vegetation, with sandy brush and clumps of wiregrass. 

Trump did not appreciate anything about it. Tweeted The Donald, “Watching the #USOpen It’s as if they’re playing on a local community golf course! Looks awful!” … “‘Built for golf. Not built for TV.’ That is true because it looks horrible on T.V. SAD!” 

God forbid a golf course be built for golf! SAD!

He’s Star Obsessed

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It’s no secret that Trump thinks the entire universe revolves around him—to him the sun is Donald Trump sitting on a golden toilet. And the only other people in his orbit are those with names powerful enough to create their own individual orbits. 

Tiger Woods. Muhammad Ali. Wayne Gretzky. George Foreman. Mike Tyson—but only in his prime. There’s a reason Trump and Tyson haven’t been photographed together in the last 20 years. 

He Saw Don King as a Mentor

AP Photo/David Bookstaver

Legendarily loathsome boxing promoter Don King is considered by most people to be one of the most exploitative, objectionable characters in sports history. In the late '80s Trump decided there was no better person to emulate. 

And he did it right down to the mark! 

In October 1988 Trump “teamed up” with then-heavyweight champion Tyson as a promotional “partner” for a Las Vegas bout. Which meant King got paid, Trump got paid, and Tyson got a $2 million consultant bill.

He Thought Beyonce’s Super Bowl Performance Was Too 'Suggestive'

AP Photo/Eric Jamison

Honestly, people have the right to their own opinions. As ridiculous and hilariously silly as the FCC complaints about Beyonce’s Super Bowl half-time performance were—and later Miley Cyrus’ VMA performance—good on those folks for standing up for whatever nonsense they believe in. 

As far as Trump’s concerns about Beyonce’s “hip-thrusting,” “inappropriate” performance, which he classified as a “national scandal,” per the Daily Mail, to that I say GUFFAW!

We’re talking about a man who trades in his wife every decade for a different model. A model who was the same age as the last one when he married her. A man who would “pass" on Jennifer Lopez and Kim Kardashian, per ET news, not because he’s MARRIED, but because their butts are too big.

But yes, Beyonce's hip-thrusting was an absolute travesty. 

Tony Romo Is a Better Golfer

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Trump has been golfing his entire life and, according to Monte Burke of Forbes, is currently the proud owner of no less than 10 courses. Yet somehow the 68-year-old “mogul” still isn’t half the golfer of Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo and barely edges out the likes of Bob Stoops and Tom Brady with his handicap. 

Perhaps he's gotten better in recent years, but back in 2006 Trump's golf game was in the same terrible neighborhood as that of Charles Barkley. 

He's Too Feud-Oriented

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Trump is someone you could definitively classify as a grudge holder, even if the grudge is the result of a one-sided feud that he started himself and needlessly continues to fuel years later. 

Take Trump’s weird feud with billionaire Mavericks owner Mark Cuban, which has been going on for years now. Well, Cuban may have actually started it in November 2012 when he offered Trump $1 million, according to Kerry Dolan of Forbes.com, to shave the dead opossum that sits atop his bulbous head—for relief efforts for Superstorm Sandy. 

Trump didn’t take it well.

The two went at it again a year later during the NBA playoffs—because Trump is obviously a basketball expert. 

Years later, it seems Trump is still holding a grudge because in March 2014 he tweeted something about personally seeing Cuban be terrible at golf. The problem? Well, according to Cuban, he’s never played the game once in his entire life and he offered up at least one source to back up his claim, according to TMZ. 

He Loves an Overdog Story

AP Photo/Richard Drew

When Woods was temporarily brought down under the weight of his own sex scandal, Trump blamed golf for Woods’ reported “sex addiction,” per the Daily News. 

When tapes of billionaire Clippers owner Donald Sterling saying unforgivably racist things leaked to the media, Trump blamed Sterling’s “girlfriend from hell” for setting him up on Fox & Friends (via New York magazine).

When former heavyweight champion Tyson was convicted of raping an 18-year-old beauty pageant contestant in 1992, Trump said the conviction alone was punishment enough, per Ray Recchi of the Sun Sentinel.

His Baseless Assertions

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Trump occupies some weird space in this country in which he can pretty much say whatever crazy, made-up nonsense he wants to, and almost nobody will call him on it. People who like him aren’t going to do it, and the rest of us don’t care enough to do it. 

Take, for instance, his recent tweet: “I am the only potential owner of the @buffalobills who will keep the team in Buffalo, where it belongs!” Trump goes where the money is, period. If moving the team benefited him financially, he’d move the team.

Never mind that there’s absolutely no proof to suggest the other interested potential owners would definitively move the team, nor is there any legal written document that suggests Trump wouldn’t. He cares nothing for the truth. All that matters is people are listening. 

The Company He Keeps

AP Photo/Teddy Blackburn

Trump doesn’t seem to have many actual friends—probably because he’s such an abject narcissist that the only company he truly values is his own. That being said, the people he seems fond of in the sports world are not a particularly likable bunch. 

Trump was friends, or at least friendly, with late Yankees owner George Steinbrenner. Trump is, from what I can tell, Pete Rose’s biggest supporter and has routinely tweeted about the perceived injustice of his Hall of Fame exile. 

Other Trump buddies include: King, Tyson and Woods. Tyson and Woods have had their ups and downs, personally and professionally, but King has murdered—actually murdered, none of this allegedly stuff—at least two people. 

His Hyperbolic Assertions

AP Photo/ Louis Lanzano

In July 2012 Trump said in an interview on CNBC’s Squawk Box, “The fact is that the country owes $16 trillion, and we just can’t keep doing this. The dollar is going to hell.” 

In May 2014 Trump said of the Clippers' (potential) $2 billion sale to former Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer, per Seth McLaughlin of The Washington Times, “The dollar has gone to hell. The dollar has gone to hell,” he repeated again for emphasis.

So did the dollar go to hell two years ago over the debt, or did it go to hell last month because of the inflated sale of an NBA team? Meh...what's the difference! 

Everything He Says Is Either Stupid, Mean, or Stupid and Mean

AP Photo/Charles Sykes

In October 2012 Trump tweeted, according to the New York Post, “Derek Jeter has a great career until 3 days ago when he sold his apartment at Trump World Tower—I told him not to sell—karma? Stupid AND Mean

Around the same time he tweeted, also per the Post, “A-Rod was a great player when he lived at Trump Park Avenue—even though he was on the juice.” Stupid 

In December 2009, Trump, while on Extra (via Examiner.com), said of Woods returning post-sex scandal, “Tiger’s a great athlete, one of the greatest athletes in the world. … Tiger is going to be hotter than ever before—mark my words. He is a really talented person, and a really good person.” Stupid (In retrospect, at least.)

Sometimes it’s OK, even preferable, to say nothing at all.

He Oversimplifies Everything

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Trump was the heir to a fortune, which made it substantially easier to make his own. Perhaps that’s why his world view, which also extends to sports, is so ridiculously askew. 

For instance, Trump has had a bee in his bonnet (or straw-like yellow hairpiece) about Alex Rodriguez for quite awhile. He doesn’t like A-Rod…at all. He especially doesn’t like that the Yankees (the poor, cash-strapped, downtrodden Yankees) have been paying A-Rod money the last two years.

Tweeted the Trump: “I can’ believe the Yankees continue to pay A Rod - they have a perfect right to stop paying (and should have stopped a long time ago). … George Steinbrenner would have done a major number on A Rod - there is no way he would have gotten paid, even with the help of the union!” 

That was in June 2013, but Trump's A-Rod rage goes back at least another year, when he told ESPN Radio's Michael Kay (via ESPN.com) that he would fire Rodriguez because he took “drugs” and became a “less than average player.”

Yes, because the Yankees are only paying A-Rod because they want to avoid an awkward boardroom “YA FIRED” moment with him, and that's exactly how contracts, and not just terrible NBC reality shows, work.

He Has No Loyalty

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If Trump has any real sports allegiances, it would be absolutely stunning. This guy doesn’t care about about loyalty—he cares about winning. He doesn’t care about athletes—he cares about star power. He doesn’t care about teams—he cares about earning potential. 

That’s what happens when you’re born with a cash register for a heart. 

His Muddled Defense, Then Renouncement of Sterling

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When Sterling, the billionaire owner of the Clippers, first made news after the release of recordings in which he said lots of terribly racist things about his mistress’ Instagram association with black people, Trump was very displeased…with V. Stiviano. 

While Stiviano certainly played her part in the whole fiasco, the fact remains that she didn’t make Sterling say what he said. Said Trump, “She’s called the girlfriend from hell. She was baiting him and she’s a terrible human being. The way she led him along.”

A week later he unleashed an anti-media tirade on Fox & Friends (via Politico.com), lashing out against the dishonest people who took his statements “out of context.” A month later he appeared on the Late Show to discuss Sterling and said (via The Week), “I do know him, yes. I mean, I’ve seen him… I don’t know him well. He’s turned out to be…not so hot—what a total disaster.” 

So Trump knew him…sort of…I mean…he’s seen him…seen enough of him to admonish his “girlfriend from hell” and spend a month on that issue before finally going the other direction. So yeah…Sterling turned out to be a disaster…because his “girlfriend from hell” set him up.

It was a defense only Marion Barry could appreciate. 

He’s All Talk, No Action

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Trump has been pretending to run for president for most of his adult life at this point.

In 2011 he was pretending that he was going to buy the New York Mets.

In 2014 he’s pretending that he wants to buy the Buffalo Bills. 

I can't wait to see what he's going to pretend to want to buy next. 

His Ego Was Big Enough to Sink a Football League

AP Photo/Marty Lederhandler

Seriously—an entire league. 

For those of us too young to remember, the USFL came into existence in 1983 and generated a lot of positive buzz by signing Herschel Walker. Despite ups and downs during its first season, the league looked like it may have a future as the springtime cure for the NFL offseason blues. 

Enter Trump, who, according to this fantastic Sports Illustrated piece by Jeff Pearlman, purchased the New Jersey Generals in 1983 and was the league’s unofficial spokesperson by the fall of 1984. And in that position of power, Trump decided he didn’t want to coexist with the NFL. He wanted to exist instead of the NFL. 

In addition to switching over to a fall schedule, the USFL filed an antitrust lawsuit against the NFL, basically for having the audacity to exist as a football league before Trump became involved in another. The suit was a joke and the league folded after the 1985 season.