Better make sure you're sitting down for this one:
The 2009 Tampa Bay Buccaneers will "aggressively attempt to score lots of points."
You gotta be kidding?
Isn't that what teams are supposed to do in football?
You can take it as gospel because it's all there on Buccaneers.com.
Of course that's the team's propaganda, er, website.
Still there it is from the Book of Revelation according to Michael Clayton, Buccaneer receiver extraordinaire.
In the very first meeting with new offensive coordinator Jeff Jagodzinski, Clayton and Buccaneers.com tell us he said "we're going to score some points."
That should come as real relief for the multitudes that pony up for season tickets to fund the Glazer Bailout Program.
"We are going to aggressively attempt to score lots of points," says Jagodzinski on the Bucs website.
Now talk about exciting. That should totally sell out the remaining season tickets.
Now those of you wondering how all this will come about need to look no further than the scouting report from Clayton:
"We've got guys making plays down the field, not only the ones but the back-ups," says Clayton, a guy who has probably caught more colds than touchdown passes the past two seasons.
Suddenly, the two-headed zone-blocking run-the-ball monster that is supposed to be Earnest Graham and Derrick Ward has taken a back seat.
Instead, we are going to be treated to the empty-backfield, five receiver set of Antonio Bryant, Clayton, Kellen Winslow Jr., Jerramy Stevens, and the wonderfully pesky return threat, Clifton Smith, all going out at once to terrorize the Giant, Eagle, Cowboy, and Patriot defenses, among others.
Holy seven-on-seven drill!
There you have it.
The only question remaining is: If the defense is letting all those guys make plays down field, what can the Eagles, Giants, Cowboys, and Patriots be thinking about?