Game of Bros: Rob Gronkowski or Johnny Manziel?

Nick Dimengo@@itsnickdimengoFeatured ColumnistMay 20, 2014

Game of Bros: Rob Gronkowski or Johnny Manziel?

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    They're two of the most unique personalities in all of sports, always showing that they're never afraid of having a good time.

    But if you had to choose between New England Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski and Cleveland Browns quarterback Johnny Manziel as the King of the Bros, could you do it? Who really sits on the throne?

    As a bro myself, I figured I would dive into the tough question and figure out once and for all which of these two deserves the title as the beau of bro.


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    Henny Ray Abrams/Associated Press

    Eerily similar to BMOC nickname Johnny College, Johnny Manziel as Johnny Football is one of the best monikers in all of sports.

    It's like, I don't know, the game itself was named after him because he's so damn good at it.

    And while Gronk is pretty cool because it fits his mammoth personality and superhero-like physique, it's not nearly as dominant as the new Cleveland Browns quarterback's nickname.

    Edge: Manziel


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    Eric Gay/Associated Press

    One guy smashes the ball to the ground with the hopes of causing a massive earthquake, while another pretends to toss out hundreds as if he has bills for days—so who do you think this one goes to?

    Johnny Manziel's money celebration is all his, becoming his trademark—which might not be the best thing to be known for entering the NFL as a rookie.

    Still, Gronk's spike, although cool, has been done tons of times before, so he loses this one.

    Edge: Manziel

Craziest Picture

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    I'm not so sure this photo of Gronk repping a "Sorry for Partying" brotank is necessarily the craziest photo of the guy, but because it caused such a stir during an offseason in which he was criticized for hitting the clubs too frequently, I had to mention it.

    But in this particular category, it doesn't really matter if the neon green tank is the craziest pic of him or not, because the Pats tight end wins this in a landslide.

    I mean, Manziel has had a few good ones—like his partying in Dallas after the Cotton Bowl a few years ago—but TMZ photogs seem to be made for Gronk.

    Edge: Gronkowski

Macking Ability

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    This one is tough because both dudes seem to be on point when it comes to saying exactly what the ladies like.

    On one side, there's Gronkowski, who has been seen snapping pics with porn stars and, oddly enough, appearing on a reality dating show a few years back—which no doubt drops him points.

    In the other corner, there's Manziel, who, apparently, sticks to just dating models like Sarah Savage and Lauren Hanley—who both are mega-sexy.

    Look, neither of these dudes need help picking up girls or use Tinder to land dates, yet I give the edge to Johnny Football because his "friendships" have been more publicized.

    Edge: Manziel

Playing Ability

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    Although he has been injured the past couple of seasons, when healthy, Rob Gronkowski is arguably still a top-three tight end in the league.

    A two-time Pro Bowl selection, Gronk has proved that he can play with the big boys and absolutely dominate—remember his tight end record 17 touchdown snags in 2011?

    And while I want to believe—OK, as a Browns fan, I pray—that Manziel will be a regular Pro Bowler once he gets his chance to lead the huddle, until he shows what he's made of in an NFL game, the question marks surround him.

    Edge: Gronkowski

BRO-to Accessory

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    Noah Graham/Getty Images

    Just as I gave credit to Manziel earlier for having a unique celebration, I take away some bro points for his lack of accessories—because while the snapback is usually dope, it has been done since the beginning of time.

    But where Manziel lacks the stylish creativity, Gronk excels in it, personally bringing those old-school Zubaz pants back into the mainstream.

    Now, instead of that youth league coach being a complete weirdo for wearing them to every single practice and game, the guy gets a little bit of street cred since the Pats tight end—and now the Detroit Tigers—rep them.

    Edge: Gronkowski

Shirtless Moments

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    While Manziel caused a brief stir when he bared skin during spring break a few years ago for an alleged Texas Longhorns tat he had—which turned out being fake—he doesn't have anything on Gronkowski.

    That's mainly because Gronk almost always has his shirt off.

    Vegas clubs. Posing with porn stars. And, yes, even taking it all off for the ESPN The Magazine Body Issue in 2012.

    That's tough for a swimsuit model to even compete with.

    Edge: Gronkowski


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    For those who aren't quite "hip," the man to the right of Johnny Manziel in this picture is Drake—who happens to be one of the best rappers going right now.

    Oh yeah, and if that weren't enough of an ego trip for a 21-year-old, he's also good buddies with LeBron James.

    James alone is enough to overtake Gronk and his entourage, but when you consider that the tight end usually just rolls with his actual brothers, it makes this category laughable.

    Edge: Manziel


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    I must say, Manziel does get some serious bro cred for doing an interview with ESPN's Rece Davis while wearing his aforementioned favorite accessory—a backwards snapback—but for the most part, he has been trained to say the politically correct thing.

    Not Gronk, though, who, on top of giving one of my favorite sports quotes of all time with his, "Yo Soy Fiesta," gem, is always the A-plus personality when answering a question—which, sometimes, probably gets him into trouble.

    Edge: Gronkowski

Drunken Moment

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    I've probably referenced this a few times from various links in this piece, so it's only natural that Gronkowski wins drunkest moment thanks to him wrestling with his shirt off in a Vegas club—all while wearing a damn cast on his arm.

    Manziel has had a few solid cases of boozing that are worthy, too—like buying everyone drinks at his favorite College Station bar during draft night—so while I hate ties, I think this is the one category where it's about as even as it'll get.

    Edge: Tie

Biggest BRO-Ment Award

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    With the score locked at five apiece, it all comes down to this—the biggest bro-ment in each player's career thus far.

    And while I applaud the "I'm just a 21-year-old" move of Manziel when he got sent home during the Manning Passing Academy last year for possibly being hungover, it showed he let his partying get in the way of his job—always a bad look.

    Gronk might dance his ass off, drink like a fish and party with anyone he sees, but he has yet to have it truly interfere with work.

    Plus, the fact that he spent his off-week a few years back with a porn star is something so epic that I just can't let it go unnoticed as the ultra bro move—which leads to Gronk earning my coveted Croakie and Frocket Tank Award.

    Edge/Winner: Gronkowski