Russian Hockey Coach Not Having the Best Time with Media, Won't Be Eaten Though

Russian Olympic hockey coach Zinetula Bilyaletdinov is having about as good a time answering questions as you can expect when the national team is ousted from competition for the third straight time before collecting any hardware.

Bilyaletdinov shared some thoughts on Alex Ovechkin's disappearing act and even managed to invite any and all media to go ahead and eat him. (Don't worry, we will get to that shortly.)

First, we might as well inform those not already in the know that Russia has unfortunately been sent off, losing to Finland, 3-1, on Wednesday and failing to medal in the last three Olympics, via ESPN.

More importantly, it has been 22 years since the nation took gold. For now, the host country is left to shake its collective head and wonder how things went wrong.

Winslow Townson-USA TODAY Sports

Well, some are wondering; others are answering questions.

Yahoo! Sports' Dmitry Chesnokov reports on the embattled coach and has thoughts on where all the offense went.

Bilyaletdinov offered on one of his more popular stars, "Tough to explain the loss, of course, why scored so little. Players who score so many goals for their clubs, like Alex Ovechkin, who scored 40 goals for his club [didn’t score]… Right now I cannot explain that."

Some of you might be ready to pull Ovechkin out from under that huge Russian bus he was just tossed under, but Bilyaletdinov was just getting started.

He was far more critical of himself and, well, engaging in a press conference with reporters. Thankfully, The Wall Street Journal's Anton Troianovski spotted and transcribed some of the more pertinent parts of the media blitz.

The coach was obviously asked why his two stars in the form of Ovechkin and Evgeni Malkin weren't kept on separate lines when it was evident to some that his dynamic duo was clearly not as dynamic as many hoped.

This is the moment that Bilyaletdinov succinctly fell upon the sword by stating, "I don't want to talk about this now. I'm at fault for everything. I didn't fulfill the task before me."

He would later continue, apologizing to fans, "I apologize to the fans for this result. We were unsuccessful, and the expectations were totally different."

Mark Humphrey/Associated Press

Now comes the most intriguing part of the conference. While we don't have video, it certainly seems that things became contentious, as things are to do when a powerful nation bows out on their home ice.

The transcription, via Troianovski, starts with a question from one of the 20 reported media personnel in the area:

"

Q: What future, if any, do you see for your own work and for your coaching staff? Because, you know, your predecessor was eaten alive after the Olympics—

A: Well then, eat me alive right now—

Q: No, I mean—

A: Eat me, and I won't be here anymore.

Q: But we have the world championship coming up!

A: Well then, there will be a different coach because I won't exist any more, since you will have eaten me.

Q: But you're staying, aren't you?

A: Yes, I will remain living.

"

And this is how Russia's hockey team leaves: not with a whimper but with a ridiculous and absurd exchange that seems to fit these particular Olympics rather nicely.

If you need Bilyaletdinov, he will be around, possibly preparing for the next Russian endeavor. Rest assured, he is very much alive and not in danger of being gobbled up by the nation's reporters.

It will just seem like that for a period of time.