The Epic Art of Kayfabe: TV-PG Is Not The End of WWE

From the backstage area, I hear the music hit.  Even behind a makeshift wall, it’s played at an almost deafening volume.  Eight measures of the high-energy, pumping, albeit generic rock and roll play, and that’s the cue.  There’s a bright flash, and I emerge from the entrance into the walkway just in time for the music to swing into full groove.

There’s a slight pause in my gait, as I scan the crowd. 

Throngs of screaming fans chanting my name, and sporting signs with clever (or not so much) phrases can be seen from the flashing light show that pulses in time with my music.  Playing up the crowd as I make my way to the ring, the announcer comes over the Public Address system at the Fort Worth Sportatorium.

“And the challenger, making his way to the ring, weighing in at two hundred and five pounds, from Dallas, TX, Vitamin D!”

The year was 1983, and these were the typical dreams of a 10-year-old boy growing up in the D/FW Metroplex during what is now coined as the “Golden Years” of WCCW – World Class Championship Wrestling. 

As a boy with a vivid imagination, I’d often imagine how I would insert myself into feuds such as the legendary angles with the Von Erichs and the Fabulous Freebirds. 

I would dream of tag-teaming with The Dingo Warrior (much to my chagrin, I would later learn that some guy named Steve Borden had already done just that), running alongside him to the ring full-tilt all the way.

What child in those days wouldn’t?

These types of escapism fantasies continued into my pre-teen, and teen years, as a new show on NBC debuted, called Saturday Night’s Main Event. 

These wrestlers seemed larger than life.  There was Hulk Hogan, Rowdy Roddy Piper, Randy “Macho Man” Savage, “The Million Dollar Man” Ted DiBiase, The Iron Shiek, and Nikolai Volkov, just to name a few. 

And, they had even more in-depth stories, stronger interviewing skills, and they were doing it in a much larger venue than the good ol’ Sportatorium (Madison Square Garden in New York).  A short time later, these wrestlers even had their own Saturday morning cartoon.  They were that big (remember, this is from a kid’s perspective).

My fandom of Sports Entertainment continued throughout my formative years, and well into adulthood, no matter the promotion.  WCCW, WWWF/WWF/WWE, NWA, WCW, ECW, TNA, RoH, NTWA, it didn’t matter.  If there was Professional Wrestling on TV, I’d watch it.  If a show was coming to town, I’d want to go.

But I digress.

As a child, I loved Pro Wrestling because it combined epic, physical battles with a backdrop of storytelling, intrigue, all wrapped in the guise of a “sport” (no, that’s not where this article is going).  I loved Pro Wrestling long before I learned such terms as “Kayfabe”, “Jobbing”, “Mark”, “Babyface”, and “Heel”. 

In 1983, I was the biggest 10-year-old mark on the planet, and I can still remember the heated arguments I had with my father about the outcomes being scripted. 

“Uh-uh!  Look at Michael Hayes, Daddy.  Kevin’s really hurting him with the Iron Claw!  See, I’ll show you with [My brother]!”, and of course hilarity ensues as I prove my argument at my little brother’s expense.

By now, I’m positive that readers of this article are wondering just where I’m going with this nigh-incoherent babble about my childhood.  My point is this – I loved wrestling as a child because of its immersing, escapist qualities.  I’m also sure many of you did/do, too.

More and more, I’m reading complaints about how the WWE promotion is going so far downhill with their having changed to a more PG format, and the catering to the younger audiences; more particularly, the RAW brand, its (seemingly endless) John Cena vs The Big Show angle(s), and how time and again Cena is beaten down week by week, only to “miraculously overcome the impossible odds and pull a win out of his….hat”.

I would like many of [us] to think back to [our] childhoods.  How was that angle progression much different than, say, Hulk Hogan vs Andre the Giant?  Please don’t misunderstand, John Cena is NO Hulk Hogan, and they’re hardly recreating WM with their current angle.

What I’m saying is, while those of us in the older crowd (read: smarks and insiders with the ability to write editorial pieces about the state of “the business) may not approve of the current state of events, there’s a certain part of the audience that doesn’t see through the veil of fabricated storyline, and scripted finishes.

To many of them, this is their Sportatorium, their VonErichs vs Freebirds, their Hulk Hogan vs Andre the Giant.

That being said, do I think the current product the WWE is putting out is sub-par?  Oh hell yes.  Using the ropes in a submission match to complete a STF without a rope break?  Stopping the ring-out count at eight on last night’s Monday Night Raw just because HHH showed up?  Hog Pen Matches, and a Cross-Dressing Miss Wrestlemania?  All nonsense, and I’m not even touching the tip of the iceberg, in terms of examples.

However, do I think the switching to a TV-PG format to cater to the children is a bad thing?  No.  Not in the least.  Sure, I won’t be seeing a bra and panties match anytime soon (Which in truth, breaks my heart, but I’ll get over it), but think back to the early days; before the ‘Attitude Era’.  What was the worst we saw?

Until the day I saw Miss Elizabeth’s skirt ripped off to show her red bloomers, the worst I remember witnessing was the practice of blading (using a small razor hidden either around the ring, or within the confines of one’s ring attire to cut open the forehead after a shot from a chair or other foreign object).

This article has gotten somewhat long-winded, and for that I apologize.  I did want something of substance to mark my inaugural writing, and I hope I’ve accomplished just that.  In the end, I just want to put it out there that I have no problem in finding fault with the current state of storylines, wrestlers’ interview or in-ring abilities, etc.

But, I offer to you, my fellow adult wrestling fans, that the WWE or any Pro Wrestling promotion following a PG format in order to address a younger audience is never (eeeeeeeeever) a bad thing.

After all, isn’t that how it started for many of us, too?

Vitamin D is not a professional writer or blogger.  Constructive Critcism is always welcome, however insults and "hating" are not.  Apologies for the lack of a picture associated with the article.  Technical issues with the machine using to post the article have prevented it, for now.