20 Funniest Quotes of 2013 Including Zlatan, Ballon D'Or, Joey Barton and More
It's safe to say that 2013 was another big year for football.
From Manchester United winning another league title to the emergence of German brilliance in the UEFA Champions League to the toppling of Spain in the Confederations Cup, we weren't exactly robbed of any talking points this year.
And whenever there are talking points, there are always going to be some great quotes—especially when the likes of Zlatan Ibrahimovic and Joey Barton get involved.
What were the 20 funniest quotes of the 2013 calendar year?
Read on and find out, and feel free to share any more funny quotes that you might have picked up on throughout the year in the comments section below.
20. Franck Ribery on Ballon D'Or
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Having stated in 2012 that he had no preference whether he was considered in Ballon d'Or nomination, Bayern Munich winger Franck Ribery made it very clear that his position had changed slightly this year.
Asked where he'd put the trophy if he won, Ribery replied:
"Above my mantlepiece, in the living room. My wife's prepared everything.
"
Ribery is second favourite behind Cristiano Ronaldo to win the award.
19. Wolverhampton Wolves on Family Guy
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The world was clearly in mourning when Family Guy's Brian (the dog) was killed off one Sunday—so much so that when Wolverhampton Wolves striker Leigh Griffiths scored against Tranmere and revealed a "R.I.P. BRIAN" message on his undershirt, many thought he was making reference to the show.
Wolves were quick to set the record straight, though, with one of the most unusual tweets they've likely ever posted from their official Twitter account.
"As mentioned, it's a family member of Leigh's who passed away recently and had nothing to do with "Family Guy"...
"
18. Eddie Etaeta on Tahiti
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Tahiti were clearly the minnows at this year's Confederations Cup tournament, and head coach Eddy Etaeta wasn't afraid to give insight into the "unprofessional" nature of their set-up, quoted via Reuters (h/t Yahoo! Sports) discussing just how his players make their living away from football.
"We have guys doing different jobs, but nine of the squad are unemployed. Some of them are delivery boys, a truck driver, some of them are PE teachers, some are accountants.
And we also have a player — Teheivarii Ludivion — he wakes up every day at 4:30 in the morning and climbs mountains all day long. He is a mountain climber, but he will climb anything. He climbs coconut trees, he climbs all kinds of things and then he comes training.
"
Tahiti scoring a goal against Nigeria was without doubt one of the biggest highlights in football this year.
17. Jurgen Klopp on Isco
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Mario Gotze's departure from Borussia Dortmund to Bayern Munich seemingly left Jurgen Klopp's men without a true No. 10 in their squad, which led to some suggestions that the German giants could target a new playmaker over the then-current summer transfer window.
One of the players linked with a move to the Westfalenstadion was Malaga's Isco, but as Klopp bluntly put it, the Spaniard wasn't really wanted by the club at all:
"We thought about signing Isco. We are not stupid.
"
In his defense, the quote is a defense of the club's transfer policy that they aren't exactly oblivious to the need of signing a new No. 10.
But who needs the context? This pearler from Klopp makes for a slightly awkward statement about whether Isco is that talented or not.
16. Roy Hodgson on England's World Cup
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England couldn't have gotten a much harder World Cup group for the 2014 competition, but the confidence was still brimming from their management and staff.
Roy Hodgson said via FIFA.com:
"We will hope for our best but it is like Forrest Gump and his box of chocolates. We will open it up and see what we get, then try and digest it.
"
Maybe not quite the confidence that the Three Lions would have wanted.
15. Hugo Lloris on Paulinho
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Upon Paulinho signing for Tottenham Hotspur over the summer transfer window, French international goalkeeper Hugo Lloris was definitely feeling the love.
"It's a big thing for us to have a Brazil international in the team.
"
As B/R's Charles Lawley points out, though, Heurelho Gomes (11 appearances for Brazil) and Sandro (17 appearances) might not quite have been feeling it.
14. Clarke Carlisle on Andros Townsend
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Commentator Clarke Carlisle provided us all with an unwanted image indeed when commentating on the Europa League match between Spurs and Dinamo Tblisi.
"Andros Townsend gave it to his full back, turned and opened up his legs.
"
Think we'll just let that one go through to the keeper without comment.
13. Anything Joe Kinnear Said This Summer
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Newcastle United director of football Joe Kinnear is a strange man. A strange man who is either very confused or simply knows nothing about his past.
Here's a wonderful list from The Guardian (kudos to Lawley again.)
"I'm probably the only football manager to be a director of football. I don't know any other ex-managers who have.
"
There's been loads.
"I've won every award there is in football as a player.
"
He hasn't.
"I've never been sacked in my life.
"
"I had over 400 games for Tottenham Hotspur.
"
He hadn't.
"[I have] been manager of the year three times.
"
He hasn't.
"I thought I'd done an excellent job there [during his spell as Newcastle Untied manager] and no way would we have gone down.
"
With their win-per-games ratio, they would have gone down.
"I bought Dean Holdsworth for 50 grand.
"
"I sold Robbie Earle for x, y, z.
"
Robbie Earle left Wimbledon after Kinnear did.
"I sold Marcus Gayle, Leonhardsen, Micky Harford, John Hartson, Hans Segers, most of them were free transfers.
"
Segers might have been a free transfer. The others were not.
"I brought Krul to the club and I think he's a terrific goalkeeper.
"
"Derek Llambezee was the director of football.
"
Derek Llambias was the managing director.
"Ben Afri.
"
Ben Arfa.
"Yohan Kebab.
"
Yohan Cabaye.
"Galteirez
"
Gutierrez.
"Shola Amamobi.
"
Shola Ameobi.
"Shola Amamobi is getting better and better, he's a young kid."
"I'm lending my experience as a manager for all those years—10 years at Wimbledon, two years at Nottingham Forest, two years winning promotion at Luton and, of course, almost two years at Newcastle.
"
He spent seven years at Wimbledon, less than a year at Nottingham Forest and five months at Newcastle United. He did spend two years at Luton Town and won promotion.
But only after getting them relegated.
12. Gael Givet on Life in Blackburn
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Blackburn Rovers' defender Gael Givet clearly loves his home city.
"Luckily, I have my wife and two kids.
If left alone in Blackburn, I'd have hanged myself already.
"
Anyone looking for a new home?
11. Manuel Neuer on Bayern's Brilliance
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Bayern Munich's brilliance in the past few seasons has been a joy to watch—unless you're the man in between the goals for the German giants, that is.
Manuel Neuer highlights well how little work he has to do sometimes.
"After some games this season, I haven't needed to have a shower. Yes, I guess sometimes it is boring being in goal [for Bayern Munich].
"
10. Joey Barton on Thiago Silva
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Never one to shy away from a Twitter comment, Joey Barton perhaps saved his best Tweet of the year for Paris Saint-Germain defender Thiago Silva, whom Barton believes might just be a little overrated, according to this post.
"Thiago Silva. That the same pussy that's been injured all season. Another over-rated Brazilian. Sort your hamstrings out FatBoy.
"
Barton was suspended for two games by France's National Ethics Committee.
9. Basile Boli on Joey Barton
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French sports presenter Basile Boli put into words what everyone was thinking.
"He's better at tweeting than he is on the pitch...
"
8. Martin O'Neill on Roy Keane
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When asked who would be the "bad cop" of Ireland's national set-up now that Roy Keane was on board, manager Martin O'Neill answered with ease that, in fact, there were two "bad cops" in Ireland's squad.
"I think I am the bad cop and I think he is the bad, bad cop.
"
7. Zlatan Ibrahimovic on Himself
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Quote-making machine Zlatan Ibrahimovic just doing some quiet reflection:
"I am the greatest! Wait, is that even possible?
Alright, then I’m the greatest behind [Muhammad] Ali!
"
6. Antonio Conte on Lionel Messi
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Juventus coach Antonio Conte was asked the question that many football coaches have been given over the past few seasons: How do you stop Lionel Messi?
His answer, was scarily simple.
"How do you stop [Lionel] Messi? With a gun!
"
5. Hugo Sanchez on New Zealand
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When Mexico beat New Zealand over a two-leg tie to qualify for the 2014 World Cup, many Mexican supporters were absolutely delighted with the result.
Not so much Mexican legend Hugo Sanchez, who was adamant in pointing out that El Tri hadn't exactly beaten the "strongest" of opponents in the All Whites.
"We beat a team that is no more than a group of buddies who were rejected because they couldn’t play rugby in New Zealand well, and they had no choice but to switch to soccer.
"
The worst part is is that he's not that far off the money.
4. Ricardo Carvalho on Ligue 1 Football
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When Ricardo Carvalho signed for AS Monaco, it was viewed as another big statement by the French club to add some experienced talent to their star-studded squad.
Carvalho was brutally honest about Ligue 1 football upon his arrival.
Asked what he knew about Ligue 1, Carvalho replied:
"Nothing.
"
Very well then.
3. John Henry on Arsenal, Luis Suarez
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"What do you think they are smoking over there at Emirates?
"
Without doubt the quote of the summer transfer window, as Liverpool seemingly defied the odds and public opinion to hang on to star striker Luis Suarez.
2. Zlatan Ibrahimovic on Ballon D'Or
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As the race for the best player in the world heats up, Paris Saint-Germain striker Zlatan Ibrahimovic is one player who certainly won't be swayed by the decision.
He knows—at least in his own mind—who the greatest of them all is.
"I don't need the Ballon d'Or to know I'm the best. It matters more to some players.
"
1. Anything Said in Stewart Downing's Q&A
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But without doubt, the best football quote of the year has to go with anything that was said in Liverpool's infamous Q&A session with winger Stewart Downing.
At first, it seemed like a good idea by the club.
But as Twitter began to take over, the "questions" being asked towards the winger simply started to grab the headlines given that Downing had had a less-than-productive season for the Reds.
Here's just some of the best "questions" asked at the winger.
"If you were a footballer, what would your preferred position be?
How did you feel last season knowing that [Everton goalkeeper] Tim Howard was closer to lifting the Golden Boot [league's top scorer] than you?
Are you the only professional footballer to be neither footed?
How did it feel to have more arrests than assists last season?
Which Premier League bench is the comfiest?
If you were to transfer away from Liverpool, how many goats and cows would your new club receive in the dowry to take you?
"
Poor Stewart.
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