Premier League Managers as Characters from Hollywood Movies

If you recall the final day of the 2011-12 Premier League season, when a last minute Sergio Aguero (ooooooo!!!) goal won the title for Manchester City, ecstasy at the City of Manchester stadium but heartbreak for Manchester United, you will agree that no Hollywood movie can compare to the drama and excitement of football.

But that's not going to stop us trying to compare Hollywood movies to the drama and excitement of football.

We are going to compare film characters, no matter how ridiculous they may be, to every manager in the English Premier League, no matter how ridiculous they may be.

Arsene Wenger/Dr Hannibal Lecter from Silence Of The Lambs

Both Arsenal's Arsene Wenger and Hannibal Lecter are cultured beasts. The sophisticated types, they enjoy the finer things.

They were once untouchable and did whatever they wanted. No one could stop them, they were too smart to be caught out, but they haven't been able to enjoy such luxury recently and have been quite restrained.

They are looking for an opportunity to break out and relive their glory days by eating teams/people alive. But they will only do this in strictly the right way. 

Paul Lambert/Obi-Wan Kenobi from Star Wars Episode III: Revenge Of The Sith

Aston Villa's Paul Lambert and Obi-Wan Kenobi in Star Wars Episode III: Revenge Of The Sith have proved they are an improvement on the person before them (Alex McLeish/Qui Gon Jin).

However Lambert and Kenobi are both struggling to stop their star man being influenced into leaving their side (Christian Benteke/Anakin Skywalker).

And they're both Scottish (well Ewan McGregor, the actor who played Obi-Wan, is). 

Makly Mackay/Nick Hendricks from Horrible Bosses

Both Cardiff City's Malky Mackay and Jason Bateman's character in Horrible Bosses are likable, down-to-earth guys who are good at their jobs. You wouldn't begrudge them success.

But they share one common problem: they have the bosses from hell. Their employers are capable of anything and don't care who they upset when doing whatever they please. Their bosses are undoubtedly successful, but there's no denying Malky and Nick's jobs would be a lot easier if their Horrible Bosses were out of the way. 

Jose Mourinho/Dr Peter Venkman from Ghostbusters II

If there's something strange in the neighborhood, who you gonna call?

Ghostbusters!

If there's no credibility in your title challenge, who you gonna call?

Jose Mourinho!

In the original Ghostbusters, Peter Venkman had saved New York City from the demi-god Gozer. In his original spell as Chelsea manager, Mourinho won trophy-after-trophy.

They went through a spell of being unappreciated and not wanted by those they helped (Chelsea/New York), but now they're needed and they're back to relive past-glory.

Or so they (Chelsea/New York) hope. 

Ian Holloway/Frank "the Tank" Ricard from Old School

Crystal Palace's Ian Holloway and Frank "the Tank" Ricard are two lovable, infinitely quotable, comedy characters. The league/party is always a lot more fun with them there.

However, it's not going to be all fun and games. Both will struggle with what's ahead. Let's just hope they're still making us laugh by the end of it. 

Roberto Martinez/Brick Tamland from Anchorman: The Legend Of Ron Burgundy

Both Everton's Roberto Martinez and Brick from Anchorman have got great, high-profile jobs.

But, you have to ask yourself, what exactly have they done to deserve those jobs? And, are they capable of holding down that job in reality?

Martin Jol/Salvatore Tessio from the Godfather

Fulham manager Martin Jol and one of Don Vito Corleone's lieutenants in The Godfather, Salvatore Tessio, are considered calm guys who are quite smart. They don't need to kick up a fuss to get stuff done. 

They enjoyed a good relationship with their previous employer (Mohammed Al-Fayed/Vito Corlene), but change is inevitable. There's a new guy in charge. 

Will the new boss (Shahid Khan/Michael Corleone) ask "what exactly have you done?"

And if the new boss doesn't like the answer, Jol/Tessio may feel that he has to start looking for work elsewhere or he could face the sack/being shot in the head at point-blank range. 

Steve Bruce/Quasimodo from The Hunchback Of Natre Dame

Neither Steve Bruce of Hull City nor Quasimodo are going to appear on the cover of GQ magazine. But despite their looks, they're quite lovable. And let's not knock them; they have managed to escape from the Championship/cathedral.

You would assume they would both be banished back there at the first opportunity, but with a bit of love and a lot of witchcraft, they might just pull off some heroics.

Brendan Rodgers/Marty McFly from Back To The Future

Both Liverpool gaffer Brendan Rodgers and Michael J Fox's character in Back To The Future are relatively young guys, trying to makes changes. They're trying to fix things and ultimately do good.

But really, if they want to be success, they're going to have to travel back in time.

They have some troublesome characters to deal with (No explanation in brackets needed, you know who). However, you cannot put it past them being the one who could change history by moulding the future.

Manuel Pellegrini/Longfellow Deeds from Mr Deeds

Manchester City's new manager, Manuel Pellegrini, has suddenly been given an infinite pot of money to spend, similar to Adam Sandler's character in Mr Deeds.

Like Longfellow Deeds, Pellegrini will have to use his experience (Pellegrini nearly got Malaga to the Champions League semi-final/Deeds ran a pizzeria) and street smarts not to waste it, not to be ripped off and to be careful and best those who have it in for him. 

And by the closing scenes, it could be disaster or 'they all lived happily ever after...'

David Moyes/Dave Stutle from The Sorcerer’s Apprentice

At Manchester United, David Moyes has to replace Sir Alex Ferguson.

In The Sorcerer's Apprentice Dave Stutle has to replace Merlin.

They have extremely big shoes to fill. They will want to work their magic in their own way. But not succeeding isn't an option.

Failing to replace the irreplaceable would be disastrous. 

Alan Pardew/Randle McMurphy from One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest

Newcastle United's Alan Pardew and Randle McMurphy from One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest operate in an insane asylum.

Their environment and the people around them are unpredictable. The people in charge of them are power mad and capable of anything. Danger is always around the corner.

They were probably given a longer contract/sentence than they should have been. But that doesn't mean they could be out of there at any minute.

Chris Hughton/Rocky Balbao from Rocky

At the start, both Norwich City's Chris Hughton and Rocky Balbao look like their on for a beating, no one gives them a chance. They're the underdog, it looks obvious they will lose. 

But they work harder and harder and are getting stronger. They get the results they need, even if they seem to struggle when doing so.

It's the eye of the tiger/canary, it's the thrill of the the fight. 

Mauricio Pochettino/Henry Hill from Goodfellas

You can't blame them for being paranoid.

Neither Southampton's Mauricio Pochettino nor Henry Hill were fully accepted choices in their roles, Pochettino because he replaced the well-loved Nigel Adkins, Henry Hill because he wasn't fully Sicilian. 

But despite their resulting success, they have ruthless, cut-throat, unpredictable people in charge of their fate. Anyone around them could decide to pull the trigger (metaphorically)/pull the trigger (literally) at any moment. 

Mark Hughes/T-800 from Terminator 2: Judgement Day

After Mark Hughes' last outing as QPR manager and T-800's last outing as the villain in The Terminator they have a lot to do to win back people's trust. It's hard for people to differentiate the new Hughes/T-800 from the monster who caused so much damage.

But now they're at Stoke/protecting John Connor they need success fast as the pressure is on.

They can't take too many bullets otherwise it will be "hasta la vista, baby" and Hughes will not "be back."

Paolo Di Canio/The Joker from The Dark Knight

"Some people just want to watch the world burn."

Sunderland's Paolo Di Canio and Heath Ledger's The Joker are agents of chaos; they seem to operate in a state of complete anarchy. 

They are capable of anything and can appear or disappear at anytime. But despite their madness, they can be defeated.  

And their views on how governments should run things are a little questionable. 

Michael Laudrup/Andy Dufresne from The Shawshank Redemption

When Michael Laudrup entered into the situation he is in now (Swansea City manager) and Andy from The Shawshank Redemption entered into the situation he is in (prison), they both did so with an unfair reputation hanging over them (questions raised about his managerial capabilities/wrongly accused of murdering his wife), but they have proven people wrong.

Their decisions and actions are winning over everyone, they're proving to be a hit and you cannot deny that they know what they're doing. But they are men with big ambitions. And those ambitions may stretch to wanting out.

Pretty similar hairstyles, too. 

Andre Villas-Boas/Jimmy “B-Rabbit” Smith from 8 Mile

Tottenham Hotspur's Andre Villas-Boas is football's answer to Eminem's character in 8 Mile.

Both are young. Both need to succeed. And soon. They’ve never had an opportunity (United, City and Chelsea all having new managers/rap battle) as good as what they have ahead of them, they must grasp it.

Their last jobs still haunt them and they have been known to choke on the big occasion.

They have a group of rivals who would shed no tear in seeing them fail. But if they don’t try and change their identity, stick to their guns and keep up the hard work, they might just walk away with glory.

However, they will need the support and help of that one special person (Gareth Bale/Alex) who will hopefully remain faithful to achieve in this opportunity that comes once in a lifetime, yo.

Steve Clarke/the Alien from Alien

Last season, Steve Clarke's West Bromwich Albion were a surprised package that burst out of nowhere. Quite like the alien from Alien bursting out of your chest.

Clarke, like an alien nesting in your body, might not have been the first choice, but just because he doesn't look glamorous it doesn't mean he isn't efficient, effective and deadly. 

Sam Allardyce/Dennis Nedry from Jurassic Park

Like the (non-Tyrannosaurs Rex) villain from Jurassic Park, Sam Allardyce isn't a very popular character. They don't achieve their results in what is considered the right way.

Not only do they both deal with dinosaurs and methods from the pre-historic era but Dennis Nedry, like the West Ham United manager, enjoys his technology and statistics.

And, let's face it, no one really wants Allardyce/Nedry at their football club/theme park populated by living dinosaurs.