Please, Brett Favre: Just Say No!!!

This is getting ridiculous.

There is a report out there that says the archaic Brett Favre is thinking about coming out of retirement (again!!!), this time to play for the Minnesota Vikings.  

Let me get this straight.

Favre, during his last three seasons with the Green Bay Packers, publicly flirted with retirement to the point that it became annoying. In fact, you could always count on two things with Favre. 

1. He would throw a ghastly amount of interceptions.

2. He would get all emotional and babble on and on about how it might be time to "walk away from the game."

But, like a jilted girlfriend with no options, he would come crawling back.  It was a miserable soap opera and I actually started to feel bad for Packer fans because they were being held hostage by their superstar.

And since the lapdog media all took a secretive vow to never criticize Favre under any circumstance and because Packer fans truly loved the guy, this inane storyline was allowed to fester year in and year out.

It was like the whole saga was concocted by a Hollywood screenwriter (I'm thinking the culprit was probably Aaron Sorkin).  

Sorkin: "Ok Favre.  I know your skills have deteriorated and you've started to stink worse than Pepe Le Pew.  But the Packer fans will never boo you.  And the members of the media won't criticize you because they're scared that they might get run over by John Madden's bus.  

"So let's create a scenario in which you threaten retirement at the end of every season to distract people from the fact that, in reality, you suck."

Favre: "Uh, to tell you the truth Aaron, I don't think this is going to work."

Sorkin: "I wrote the screenplay for A Few Good Men, and you know what Brett?"

Favre: "What?"

Sorkin: "You can't handle the truth!"

I think the reality was that Favre didn't get along with Packers GM Ted Thompson, who I'm certain didn't take too kindly to the way Favre annually held the franchise hostage.

This is why Thompson decided to show Favre the door during their infamous battle last summer.  Consider his point of view.  He was sick of the guy manipulating the team and he needed to see if Aaron Rodgers (who was his first pick as GM) had the goods to be a star.

So, as the story goes, Favre ended up with the New York Jets.  The team started out looking strong in the first couple of months.  In fact they looked very much like a Super Bowl contender.  But they fell apart down the stretch mainly because Brett Favre looked about as coherent as Bret Michaels.  

The gunslinger's aim was horribly off, throwing nine interceptions and just two touchdown passes in the Jets' final five games.  And we can all assume that his miserable play gave team owner Woody Johnson (who was a BIG Favre fan) license to assassinate coach Eric Mangini.  

And Favre's decision to retire again in January was hastened by a Jets locker room that was simmering with anger towards him.  Running back Thomas Jones put him on blast on national radio when he said that he thought Favre should be benched.  

An anonymous teammate said that Favre was "resented" in the locker room because of his preferential treatment.  And safety Kerry Rhodes probably hit the nail on the head when he said:

"If he's dedicated and he wants to come back and do this, and do it the right way...and be here when we're here in training camp and the minicamps and working out with us...then I'm fine with it.  But don't come back if it's going to be half-hearted or he doesn't want to put the time in with us."

Perhaps that's been the biggest thing about him.  Maybe he doesn't like all the minicamps.  And the NFL's training camp is brutal.  Maybe he's at the point where he just wants to show up for the 16 game season.  At the end of the day, only he knows for sure.

Here's one thing I do know.  He won't win in Minnesota.  True, this team's only weakness is at quarterback and I was personally disappointed that they sat idly on the sidelines without attempting to enter the Jay Cutler-Mark Sanchez sweepstakes.

They have a roster that includes the best running back in the game Adrian Peterson, a good offensive line, and a stout defense.  But as I look dumbfounded at their quarterback roster (Tarvaris Jackson, Sage Rosenfels, and John David Booty), I'm struck by a strong desire to vomit in my mouth.

Enter Brett Favre.

He's a three-time MVP, led the Packers to seven division titles, and led them to Super Bowl glory in 1997 (Super Bowl XXXI).  He has also decimated the NFL record books:

1. Most touchdown passes (464)

2. Most career passing yards (65,127)

3. Most career passing completions (5,720)

4. Most consecutive starts (291 including playoffs)

5. Most career wins by a starting quarterback (169)

Sounds like a natural fit right?

Not exactly.

Favre will be 40 when the season starts.  He has only had one season in the last four in which he's thrown more touchdowns than interceptions (his glorious 2007 campaign).  He flamed out in his last two cities.  And, most importantly, Brad Childress is the coach of the Minnesota Vikings.

That's a recipe for disaster kiddies.

And the Vikes made the playoffs without him anyway last year.  I understand him and Childress are friendly. But, they don't NEED him.  

And if Favre wants to do what's best, perhaps that's what he should tell Childress when he meets with him later this week at that "undisclosed location."

I actually have no idea what will happen.  Maybe I should call Aaron Sorkin.  After spending all day yesterday watching Season One of the West Wing on DVD, I'm convinced that he should write the screenplay.  It's probably the only way this Brett Favre story will have a happy ending.