John Madden Leaves Booth For Big Turkey Dinner

Brian LumpkinContributor IApril 16, 2009

LAS VEGAS - MAY 05:  NFL broadcaster John Madden watches the fight between Rocky Juarez and Jose A. Hernandez during their WBA featherweight championship fight at the MGM Grand Garden Arena May 5, 2007 in Las Vegas, Nevada.  (Photo by Al Bello/Getty Images)

John Madden has announced his retirement from the broadcasting booth.  For the last 30 years John has ummm, captivated the audience with his color commentary.  The moment I found out about his retirement, I called him up to see what he had to say about his time in the booth.

Me: You have been calling football games for 30 years. How does it feel to finally be walking away from the game of football.

John: Well, I finally realized I can’t actually eat the football.  All these years I have been under the impression it was some kind of pork bi-product.  They call it a pig skin you know.

Me: What? You thought you could eat the ball? Serious?

John: Pig skin! It’s just like saying pork rind. You can’t tell me you’ve never tried...

Me: Right. I actually can. Some people say you talk about food too much when you could be talking about football. How do you respond to that?

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John: Turkey.  You know, when I eat turkey, it’s good. I always feel good when I eat turkey. When I’m done eating turkey I’m usually not hungry anymore.

Me: What made you finally make the decision to hang up the pen?

John: Brett Favre retired and I just don’t have anything else to broadcast for. He was the greatest thing since individually wrapped cheese. MMMMMMM, Cheese!

Me: Speaking of Brett, talk about your man crush on Brett. He has been a non-factor in the NFL for a couple years now, how can you say he was still elite?

John: Don’t you talk about my Bretty like that.  He’s the best football player ever in the history of ever. Did you know he was undefeated when he put his left leg in the jock first? I bet you didn’t. I’ve been there for every one. MMMMM, Brett’s jock.

Me: Umm, right.  I’ve had about enough here. Thanks for your time Mr. Madden, enjoy your retirement. Any last tidbits of advice for the future coaches and players?

John: When you score more points than the other team, you have a better chance of winning.

Me: Yeah I walked right into that one.

Some say he will be missed in the booth, but from my stand point the commentating in the NFL just got a lot better.  His retirement was way overdue, and I am prepared for the Madden lovers to get on me for this mock-interview. Have fun with the comments.

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