Left Turn Louie: Ads Backwards

Since there’s no Sprint Cup race this weekend, I’m taking this opportunity to address an issue that’s bugged me for years: advertising on race cars.

Yeah…yeah…I know there’s a Nationwide race at Nashville this weekend, but there’s only 69 (my favorite number) people who give a rat’s behind about Nationwide. Also, the only people who care about Nashville are country-western fans and some of Nashville’s residents, including Elvis.

Okay…Okay…I know what you’re thinking…”Elvis doesn’t live in Nashville. He lives in Memphis”.

Wrong!

Why do you think so few people ever see him? It’s because everyone is looking for him in Memphis while he’s in Nashville…checking out Dolly Parton’s huge set of…uhhh…tonsils.

But I digress.

First issue with ads on race cars

What’s up with the itty bitty (that’s a NASCAR term) decal-ads? How the heck do the car owners convince sponsors to pay for those things?

Who other than Superman (who does live in Memphis, by the way) can read a 6-inch decal on a car going 175 mph? Do the sponsors of those things ever watch a race? Are they sitting in the stands going, “Well Mr. Gates, I can’t read our decal, but I’m sure that the 70,000 drunks here can read it.”?

Second issue with ads on race cars

Why are there no cars sponsored by producers of feminine hygiene products? NASCAR has a rep for leaning more than just a tad to the “Good Old Boys” side. Feminine hygiene-sponsored cars would go a long way toward remedying the negative image and attracting more female fans.

I can see it now: Dale Jr. driving the “Massengill Cherry-Flavored Douche” car. Or how about Tony Stewart in the “Tampax Heavy Days Tampons” car? Picture Kyle Busch in the “Hitachi Magic Wand Vibrator” car (would be even more effective if he took the ‘c’ out of his name).

As usual, an inquiring mind wants to know!

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