Orioles Spring Training: Players Get Trophies for Participation

FORT LAUDERDALE, FL - As they left their Spring Training home on Friday to get ready for the regular season, the Baltimore Orioles thought they knew what was coming. The beginning of another hopeless year. A preseason pizza party at Round Table where Nick Markakis was going to beat everyone at the Cruisin’ USA game in the corner. And a long season filled with morose self-reflection and emptiness where they’d be lucky to finish in 4th place in the AL East. There’s nothing that could take that hurt away, right?

Wrong.

When that team walked into that Round Table, they found an unexpected reward: trophies. And, to emphasize that the Orioles are all one team with one purpose and one direction, each trophy said the same thing: Participant. “It’s incredible,” said third baseman Melvin Mora. “I didn’t think this team would give us any reward after ten years of playing so poorly, but to see the cheap plastic trophies bought at Walmart for almost six dollars each - it’s a special feeling. I’m sure that when I look back on my career in ten years, this trophy will remind me of the good times more than anything else.” Mora gave a deep and contented sigh, and then added, almost as an afterthought, “Well, unless I get a World Series ring. But I’m on the Orioles, so what are the odds of that?”

The trophies were the brainchild of President of Baseball Operations Andy MacPhail, who decided to try something a little different this year to motivate the players. “What happened is I looked at the great players in the game right now - your A-Rod or Pujols or Santana - and I thought ‘What do these guys have in common?’ And then I thought about their trophy cases and how year in year out they’re bringing home some hardware - MVPs, Silver Sluggers, Cy Youngs - and I thought ‘We need to do that here.’ If Adam Loewen and Josh Beckett have the same number of awards, aren’t they just as good as each other?”

Still, others in the locker room were critical of the trophies. This contingent was led by second baseman Brian Roberts. “Look, I’m not saying I don’t appreciate the gesture. It almost makes me glad I didn’t get traded to the Cubs. But I just think that instead of commemorating our presence, like these trophies do, we should celebrate our accomplishments. I mean, a trophy that says ‘Participant’ - those are a dime a dozen. But one that says ‘Brian Roberts, Starting Second Baseman, 2007 Baltimore Orioles, 4th Place AL East’ - that would be on top in my trophy drawer. Hell, I might even build a trophy case for it!”

But in all, the trophies were very popular and even inspired jealousy among the players on other teams such as the Royals, Pirates, and Giants. Said one Major League pitcher who wished to keep his team and name confidential, “Man, it’s bullshit we didn’t get any of those. All management said to us was ‘You should feel lucky you got to see Barry’s home run record last year.’ I mean, if that’s not the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever heard then my name’s not Steve Kline.”

Of course, at Round Table there was none of that. There was just a festive, jovial atmosphere and plenty of the special Milano Roastano pizza to go around. The team joked about how silly Chad Bradford looks when he’s pitching, drank huge pitchers of soda, and belched SO loud they could swear people could hear them all the way in Annapolis. Jay Gibbons, clutching his trophy firmly, promised to “take it everywhere I go and even sleep with it under my pillow!” A visibly emotional Chris Ray thanked the team for his trophy, which he received despite season-ending surgery in July and technically not participating as much as the rest of the team. Unfortunately, his speech was interrupted by members of the Boston Red Sox, who passed by on their way to the restaurant’s VIP section.

“Nice trophies, nerds!” yelled Kevin Youkilis. “Hey, asphinctersayswhat?”

Responded Daniel Cabrera, “What?”