A Fresh Pack of Worthless Baseball Cards

Yeah, nachos and draft beer have their place, but frankly we can’t think of a better way to celebrate the opening of the 2009 Major League Baseball season than by breaking out a brand new pack of Worthless Baseball Cards…

Luis Aquino

For some players, success equaled big contracts, awards, and increased status.  For Luis Aquino, success equaled gold chains.

Lee Mazzilli

It didn’t matter how many hitting coaches told him that it negatively affected his swing, Lee Mazzilli was not going to go up to bat without wearing his lucky bowling glove. 

Joe Cowley
Regardless of whether or not the crowd liked it, nothing got Joe Cowley’s adrenaline pumping as he emerged from the bullpen like hearing Jermaine Stewart’s “We Don’t Have to Take Our Clothes Off” over the loud speakers. 

Milt Thompson
Milt Thompson considered himself a five-tool player.  His five tools?  1.) Intimidation 2.)  being a bad mama jama 3.) the ability to stare into your soul 4.)  kicking ass 5.) taking names.  

Cory Snyder

Everyone in the Cleveland clubhouse knew it was in their best interests to make themselves scarce when Cory Snyder accidentally got eye-black on his blonde mustache. 

Rod Scurry

After several of his teammates did an extensive study, it was proven that Rod Scurry could smell when Kentucky Fried Chicken was in the locker room from up to 1.3 miles away.

Leo Gomez

He knew the team sucked, but it was safe to say that when Leo Gomez won the “Suit Up With the Orioles” prize at the St. James annual BBQ raffle, he wasn’t expecting to ultimately win the third base job.

Dave Rucker

No matter how large a bribe he offered, the Tigers team equipment manager flat out refused to put cleats on Dave Rucker’s favorite pair of steel-toe work boots. 

Sil Campusano

1989 Topps
Of all the amenities the Major Leagues offered, perhaps none impressed Sil Campusano more than the fact that they actually made hats that would fit over his afro.

Dave Van Gorder

Dave Van Gorder thought catching equipment was for pussies. 

Bill Scherrer

Scherrer laughed it off when his teammates mocked his obsession with Dragonlance Fantasy novels, but despite the tough exterior, those same jokes often resulted in tears later in the night.