Big B and Zim present the Mock 12

Mel and Mort?  Not quite…

Big B and Zim, NFL Draft Experts.

As I have very little to do in the afternoons here in the UK at the Worldwide Publishing HQ of KegeratorNation.com, I am usually online.  Well, that’s just about the time that Big B sasheys into his office in his flip-flops, shorts and jersey of the day to “work” and then get on his instant messenger down in Florida. 

So, we’ve been able to chat while I wait for the hand of God to either kill me, grant me a full-time job or I have to go pick up the Mrs. from her job while he “works” at his job. 

Well, we were chatting about the NFL Draft and what could be, and that we’re both preparing in our own way to celebrate one of the NFL’s holy days when we both are scheduling Draft Parties. 

We’ll also be doing a live blog that day of running commentary about each teams’ picks until we are either pickled or bored or both come about the 10th pick.  

That’s when the Bengals pick some schmoe right before New Orleans takes a decent guy and a few picks before Brian starts throwing shit at his TV because the Lions have just picked yet another Wide Reciever at #15.  Look for details on that whole bit come April. 

But for now, Big B and I offer you our thoughts on the Top 10 picks in the draft and then who Detroit and where Cleveland was supposed to draft (instead trading their pick to Dallas for the “services” of Brady “Why do I like cock so much?  I’m a dirty man-whore!” Quinn).

#1. Miami Dolphins

Howie’s Kid

DE/LB-Chris Long (Virginia)
We both came to the conclusion that this is perhaps the logical pick because the #1 overall pick is hard to move with all the money that it takes to harness the player.  The 'Phins could do a lot worse and they won’t be able to get the perceived value out of it to move it. 

Long will be a good fit playing either opposite Jason Taylor (or at the very least making fun of Taylor’s dance trophy).

#2. St. Louis Lambs…er…Rams

OT-Jake Long (Meatchicken)
Though in need of an impact player on defense and working out a plethora of DT’s during the scouting portion of this draft process, it only makes sense that the Rams take care of what they do have and that’s some decent offensive weapons in QB Marc Bulger and RB Steven Jackson. 

It only makes sense to take Long, who is a franchise tackle, to protect what weapons they do have.  Hey, it worked with Orlando Pace many moons ago, why not another Big Ten legend to try to start over?

#3. Atlanta Falcons

QB-Matt Ryan (Boston College)
Again, we’re in lock-step when it concerns the Falcons taking Ryan.  Though they are in need of everything on both sides of the ball, Ryan makes sense because they have no QB other than Joey Harrington (which is like having no QB at all) and will need to try and start somewhere with the offense. 

Though this would be a fine time for them to take a franchise RB in Darren McFadden, it’ll be too much for them to overlook their blaring need at QB.

#4. Oakland Raiders…To Pick McFadden or Not To Pick McFadden?

The next Eric Dickerson impersonator.

Here’s where we start to divide our thoughts on the draft board. 

Big B is insistent that it would be a knuckleheaded move by the Raiders to pick McFadden.  I think it’s almost impossible for them to pass on him. 

Big B thinks that they’ll go old school and build front to back back and get someone to watch that big, fat QB from LSU they have in the form of an O-lineman.  With Jake Long off the board, the stock of Boise State OT Ryan Clady has been rising. 

That, and the Kansas City Chiefs coveting him with their No. 5 pick and that’s almost enough for Al ”Just Win, Baby” Davis to pick him.   

That, or this would be an ideal spot for a trade.  Problem is, both of us agree, no one is stupid enough to owe the Raiders anything and know they can screw this up all by themselves. 

I say McFadden gives them an almost can’t miss option in the backfield alongside Big, Fat LSU QB to add another dimension to their pathetic offense.

Big B: OT-Ryan Clady (Boise State)
Zim: RB-Darren McFadden (Arkansas)

#5. Kansas City Chefs…er..Chiefs

Again, with the disagreement, we go in different directions.  Again, another spot for a trade, but King Carl (General Manager Carl Peterson) probably won’t budge this high in the picking. 

I think McFadden goes to the Raiders, thus making Clady available.  However, with Big B sticking the Raider sword in the Chiefs eye, that means this is where he thinks LSU’s DT/DE Glenn Dorsey comes off the board.  A good fit too considering the Chiefs are still in need of some defensive help.

Big B: DT-Glenn Dorsey (LSU)
Zim: OT-Ryan Clady (Boise State)

#6. New York J-E-T-S, Jets, Jets, Jets

Big B thinks that if somehow RB Darren McFadden slips this far, he’ll go to Gotham instead of the Jets taking care of a serious need like defensive line. 

Though the team has been high on Ohio State’s Vernon Gholston, LSU behemoth Glenn Dorsey should still be available in my book.  Thus, the pick.  That also sets up the next pick with New England that we’re pretty much agreed upon.

Big B: RB-Darren McFadden (Arkansas)
Zim: DL-Glenn Dorsey (LSU)

#7. New England Patriots (from San Francisco, and boy do they regret this one?!?!)

The Patriots lucked out here. They had to forfeit their first-round pick due to SpyGate, but a trade with San Francisco gives the Patriots a top 10 pick. 

They can now improve their aging defense a bit and grab a quality player in a pass rusher or any of the remaining skill guys that seem to have their stock rising (return specialist and DB Leodis McKelvin anyone?).  However, there is too much talent on the board to pass up one of the top-end defenders up front.

Both agree: DL/LB-Vernon Gholston (THE Ohio State University)

#8. Baltimore Ravens

We disagree again here.  The Ravens to me would be in a prime spot to trade down, especially to any team wanting to jump in front of the lowly and draft-stupid Bengals to grab a top end Defensive Linemen. 

Big B has another thought: why not take one of those top end defenders? 

He’s got USC’s Cedric Ellis going to Charm City to help build on that defense and be damned what the rest of the team needs. 

I think that they’re in desperate need of some offense other than Willis McGahee and will pick a new signal caller.  Brian Brohm will be available later perhaps, (thus my trade theory) but they can grab him here and be done with it.  He’s clearly better than the options they have now with Kyle Boller and Steve McNair, who is only a 50-50 bet to return to the team.

Big B: DE-Cedric Ellis (USC)
Zim: QB-Brian Brohm (Louisville)

#9. Cincinnati Bengals…uh, oh

The Bengals are screwed.  They won’t move up, there’s no benefit in them doing so.

However, there are a number of teams that will undoubtedly try to move ahead of them to perhaps get into the Dorsey, Ellis, Gohlston et al. sweepstakes. 

I think that it’s wishful thinking, but Cedric Ellis just may be available here and it’s a need in the worst way as the Bengals were unable to rush the passer at all last year and were tepid against the run to boot. 

For some reason, Big B thinks that this is the time to add more offense.  His thought: Ocho Stinko (aka Chad Johnson) will be gone come June 2nd, (cut) or shipped off in a trade for a 4th or 5th round pick (like Randy Moss was.  He says Stinko isn’t as good as Moss either).  Thus, they will have to add a weapon back to the offense to replace him. 

Enter WR DeShawn Jackson of California who can also run back kicks for the ailing Bungles special teams.  Well, it does make some sense, but the Bengals have been adament that Ocho Stinko isn’t going anywhere and picking an offensive player here would make Bengals fans like me livid.

Big B: WR-DeShawn Jackson (Cal)
Zim: DE-Cedric Ellis (USC)

#10. New Orleans Saints

We’re in agreement here.  The Saints need help at LB and that can be fixed with one fell swoop and that pick is of USC’s Keith Rivers. 

It may be a bit of a reach to go up and get Rivers at #10, but it makes the most sense for a need pick.  This again might be a “transfer spot” with teams moving up or down to get at it or the Ravens or Bengals pick ahead of it.

Agreed: LB-Keith Rivers (USC)

We skip along to later in the draft with Buffalo, Denver, Carolina and Chicago all fighting for the top defensive scraps if they don't move up to get what they want. 

If you go by the numbers, you’d have to say that Clemson’s DE-Philip Merling will be gone to Buffalo perhaps, Denver might reach for another LB or drop down, Carolina needs to add some depth up front and could look to Florida’s Derrick Harvey who may still be there for the taking while Chicago goes offense with either a WR or perhaps an O-linemen. 

#15. Detroit Lions

I’m as confident in the Lions as I am the Bengals to make a logical and or good pick.  That’s why I think Matt Millen and Company screw it up again. 

Seriously, if speedy WR DeShawn Jackson is still on the board, you know Millen is going to be dying inside, trying not to pick him. 

Though that thought will be dancing in their heads, I think they take another leap and pick one of the RB’s that are floating up the charts.  My thought is they’ll take the RB who has the most upside that’s left in Oregon’s Jonathan Stewart. 

Big B disagrees greatly, saying they won’t go that way but will finally take an offensive lineman to plug the gaps that saw opposing teams killing QB Jon Kitna and stymieing their lackluster running game. 

I think that’s wishful thinking, though you’d have to say that Pitt’s Jeff Otah and Vandy’s Chris Williams may be available.

Big B: OT-Chris Williams (Vanderbilt)
Zim: RB-Jonathan Stewart (Oregon)

We skip along some more now, to where the Browns should be picking (but won’t be) at no. 22. 

Browns fans will have to live with the fact that they have an overpaid QB who at times is bafflingly bad when not throwing for 500-yards and 6-TD’s while on the bench is an overpaid, much hyped self hating gay (not that there’s anything wrong with being gay, but hating it is!) of a back up in supposed franchise-savior Brady Quinn, for whom they traded their pick for last season. 

The Cowboys, in turn, will get a pair of picks on the latter side of round one and no. 22 is set up to be a steal. 

Between Detroit at 16 and them are some questionable draft talented teams in Arizona (probably going to make yet another poor pick or take someone on offense), Minnesota (who routinely runs out of time in trying to make their pick) Houston (no Vince Young?), Philadelphia (tell me who they’ve drafted in recent years worth a damn in the first round?), Tampa Bay (gonna be an offensive player for Chuckie) and Washington (yes, Daniel Snyder’s fucked up team). 

In other words, any mistake or mis-step those teams make, Dallas will more than likely take advantage of.

#22. Dallas Cowboys

We’re again divided on this one other than who it might be.  We both are thinking RB and that’s because other than Houston, none of the teams between them and the Lions are really hurting for someone to carry the rock. 

A mistake or a guy who is free falling may drop to Dallas, thus the rich getting richer.  However, we’re sticking to the idea that RB is it.  I say Darren McFadden’s running mate at Arkansas Felix Jones should still be there while Big B says Oregon’s Jonathan Stewart will still be hanging around.

Big B: RB-Jonathan Stewart (Oregon)
Zim: RB-Felix Jones (Arkansas) 

And that ends the first Mock 12 of the year.  We’ll no doubt be back with an update to that sooner or later and in the weeks prior to the actual big day, with a complete 1-32 pick sheet.