Spring Cleaning My Dallas Cowboys' Grievances

robert aSenior Analyst IMarch 24, 2009

It was about 3:00 Friday afternoon last week when I looked up at my desk calendar and noticed that there was a holiday that day.

Confused and a little excited about what that holiday might be, I leaned closer to read the fine print, hopeful that maybe—just maybe—I might have an excuse to eat some cake and ice cream.

Unfortunately, this "holiday" was a lame one. Friday, March 20, 2009 is apparently the day that "Spring Begins." Yippee!

No cake, no ice cream...Oh well, that was probably for the best.

Several minutes after this discovery, however, two thoughts began to creep slowly into my mind.

The first was inconsequential but still slightly annoying. I realized, for perhaps the first time ever, that every school I had ever attended had been lying to me all along. There is no such thing as "Spring Break."

Every spring break I have ever been on started in early March, typically right after or on my birthday (March 9—remember this day, as I now expect presents from all who read this next year).

This means that in all my years of schooling, I had two winter breaks every year—or because I refuse to conform to our increasingly PC world, a Christmas break and a winter break—and never had one stinkin' spring break.

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What a robbery!

This annoyance quickly went away though after my rational realization that, whether spring or winter, the beer in Mexico would have tasted just as good...and boy, was it delicious!

The second thought that spring sprang (oh, fun with words!) to mind is something that has been and always will be directly associated with spring time: Spring Cleaning.

So to get into the spirit of the season, these past few days I have been cleaning!

On Friday, I cleaned my office desk. Sure, it was only a light dusting, but I still left my desk in better condition than I found it.

On Sunday, I gave my car a much needed cleansing, and I'm happy to report she looks pretty as new. I also intended on cleaning my apartment Sunday, but laziness overtook me and I decided that task would have to wait for another day.

Monday was that day, as I finally cleaned my apartment after weeks (don't judge me) of saying I was going to do it and failing to do so.

Now it is so clean that I could eat a steak off the bathroom floor. (And I might have to, because I forgot to clean my dishes. I'll have to do that after I write this!)

So once the dishes are out of the dishwasher and into my cabinets, my little world will be completely clean, and my Spring Cleaning for 2009 will be complete. Or will it?

Not quite.

Put quite simply, I have a couple of hot sports opinions regarding my favorite team, the Dallas Cowboys, and I have just been dying to get them off my chest and into writing.

In other words, it is time to Spring Clean a couple of negative feelings out of this little sports fan's brain!

So without further ado—and after probably the longest ever introduction in Bleacher Report history—I would like to offer you my top three Dallas Cowboys grievances that have nothing to do with their on-the-field performance:

1. Tony Romo's Hat

I have defended Tony Romo with about as much loyalty as is physically and mentally possible.

I've defended his play, his choice of girlfriend, his vacation to Mexico, and his postgame comments after the embarrassingly pathetic loss to the dirty birds of Philly. I like Romo as my quarterback, and I've got his back in every corner...except one.

I cannot—will not—defend Tony Romo's awful choice of post-game attire, namely his hat. Its one thing to see him walk out in that goofy "hat" after a win, but after a loss, it only makes the bad worse. It makes me want to throw something

It's not cool, it's not hip, and I sincerely hope that it is not back for the 2009-10 season. Hopefully this will be one more of the many Cowboys' problems that will be "solved" by the departure of Terrell Owens, because as we all know, he wears them too.

2. Bandwagon/Fairweather Fans

Every team has them, and ever real fan can't stand them.

The Dallas Cowboys bandwagon, however, is about as bad as they come. And I'm sick of it.

It seems like every year I read and hear people say that they have been a fan for as long as they can remember, but that "after this loss/season/player acquisition, I'm done with the Cowboys!"

To those people, I say good riddance. Don't come back.

Be mad. Be frustrated. Demand accountability. But always, always stand by your team.

Otherwise, you were either:

A) Never a true fan to begin with.

B) Someone that takes the game way too seriously. If you can't take a loss or a disappointing season, then you probably have bigger issues than what team colors you are going to wear when Sunday rolls around.

3. The Sense of Entitlement of the Average Cowboys' Fan

This fan might even be worse than bandwagoners, and is probably even more common.

The Cowboys' haven't won any game of any significance in over a decade, yet this fan comes out every year and proclaims "Super Bowl or bust!"


I want another Super Bowl here in Dallas as bad as anyone. Really, I do. (While we're at it, I'd like a Mavs' Finals win and a Baylor MNC.)

The cold hard truth of the matter is that there are 32 teams in the NFL. Each one of those teams have paid professionals playing and coaching that team up. These teams also have fans just like you who think that their team should win every year.

Well guess what, only one team wins it every year. There have even been some really solid franchises that have never won a Super Bowl: The Eagles, Bills, Titans, Panthers, Vikings, and Seahawks all come to mind.

Cowboys fans, lose your sense of entitlement and just enjoy the ride. It's a pretty fun one, after all.

I feel better now; I really do. It's amazing what a clean car, desk, apartment, and a little venting can do. I finally feel as if my Spring Cleaning is complete...crap, I forgot to do my laundry.

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