Pontiff's Bracket Is Shot

Vatican- A bad week for Pope Benedict has gotten worse, and it doesn't look like it will get any better as his official NCAA bracket has gone to hell.

The bad week began on Tuesday when the Supreme Overlord of the Catholics issued a statement saying condom use would worsen the AIDS situation in Africa. This statement was the Pope's latest gaffe when speaking to the media.  

In 2007, the Pontiff blamed atheism for the "greatest forms of cruelty and violations of justice" in history. Apparently Benedict had forgotten about the Crusades, priest sexual abuse and Sept. 11.

But even as the Pope fails to understand what condoms actually do, his attention is fixed to the NCAA men's basketball tournament.  Yesterday the Pope watched in horror as his bracket became a total waste.

Pope Benedict currently sits last in the Vatican's pool. His Holiness is 10 points behind a priest from Liechtenstein, a country we are pretty sure doesn't have a basketball team.

Cardinals reported that they over heard the Pope uttering German obscenities as VCU's Eric Maynor missed a last second shot that would have beaten UCLA.

Last second defeats not withstanding, Benedict's bracket has been destined for doom since he put pen to papal paper.  The Pope made terrible picks like Chattanooga over UConn and Cal State Northridge over Memphis.  That latter almost qualifying as a miracle.

The Pope's bracket is only going to get worse.  His picks today include Morehead St./Alabama St. over Louisville.  

Benedict claims that he likes the chances of a combined Morehead/Alabama squad against the No. 1 overall Louisville Cardinals. Vatican officials claim they can not bring themselves to tell the Pope that the NCAA switched to a 65-team format a few years ago.

Benedict has already lost one Final Four team with Clemson losing to the Michigan Wolverines. Losing a Final Four team on Day One is almost insurmountable in the Vatican's annual office pool where no money is waged.  

Instead the men of God compete for indulgences, a Catholic "get-out-of-jail-free" card that sparked the Protestant reformation.

Benedict's performance is already on pace to be the worst ever for a Pope.  Beating out John XXIII, who picked Duke to win the 1971 tournament; despite Duke not making the tournament that year.  

John XXIII also picked two top seeds to lose in the first round despite the fact that those teams received byes to the second round.

Popes, historically, have an excellent track record when picking the NCAA winners. During his reign, John Paul II finished first in the pool every year except for 2001. That year ESPN bracket expert Andy Katz's uncle served in the Vatican, and took several tips from his nephew.  

The following year he was excommunicated.

With the outcome bleak for the Pope, Vatican officials are urging His Holiness to turn his attention to his Vatican Fantasy Keeper League.  Benedict is optimistic because he is bringing back slugger Ryan Howard, ace Tim Lincecum, and last year's sleeper Evan Longoria.

Benedict has not given up all hope yet, his champion pick, Portland State, is still technically in the tournament.