Come To Think Of It...A-Rod's "Cousin" & Other Tall Tales from the Steroid Era

OK, so we're to believe that A-Rod felt so much pressure with his huge Texas contract that he felt he had to join the "loosey-goosey" steroid culture in MLB, right?

And, fortunately for him, coincidentally along comes this "cousin" from the Dominican with some "energy boosting" stuff that he injects into his buttocks?

Well, all I can say is don't do any real estate deals with this man, because I'm sure he has some swamp land in his native Florida that he'll be trying to sell you.

Hoo-boy, is that a knee-slapper. Thanks, Alex, I needed a good laugh today. Well, so much for telling the truth you damn liar.

You should have been given a series on Comedy Central for your performance with Katie Couric last year.

A-Rod claims he didn't know what he was taking. Of course he didn't, he isn't smart enough to pronounce such big words like Primobolan and methenolone.

But the truly hilarious thing is that he's not the only one out there who thinks we're a bunch of dopes ("dope" being the operative word in this case).

Remember ol' finger-wagging, Congressional-lying Raffy Palmeiro? He claims he thought he was receiving a shot of B-12 from teammate Miguel Tejada.

Funny thing is, now Tejada is in deep do-do for lying under oath. Hmm, that's another coincidence I suppose.

And the laughs go on. There was Sammy Sosa "forgetting" how to speak English. Mark McGwire showing up to testify before a House panel on steroids saying that he was "not here to discuss the past."

Well then, Mac, just what the hell did you think you were there to do my friend?

Oh man, now my stomach is hurting from all the laughter.

We found out what really fueled Roger Clemens' rocket, didn't we? He even gave us more comedy when he invented a new word, with his "misremembering" statements.

Brian Roberts only did steroids once. Or maybe it was twice. Oh stop it, you're killing me.

We all recall Jason Giambi apologizing. The funny thing was, he never told us what he was apologizing for. Oh, but he was sorry, that much was clear.

And then there's the hilarious case of one Barry Lamar Bonds, who apparently topped them all.  According to reports, he did more steroids than the entire Pittsburgh Steelers Super Bowl teams of the 1970s.

He did so much injecting, I'll bet his ass looked like swiss cheese.

He was so juiced up, his head swelled with pride. The only thing that grew bigger than his massive skull was his nose from all that lying.

Well, at least we know what didn't grow!

Did I tell you this was funny stuff, or what?

But there's more. Oh yes, so much more.

Bud Selig says "don't blame me". Ha, that's a good one. Why would we blame you, Bud? You're only the boss-man who presided over this embarrassing era. And by the way, nice idea to reinstall Henry Aaron as the home run king. Even Hank had a good chuckle over that one.

You were so serious about cleaning up the game that your own officials were allegedly informing players in advance of impending drug tests. That's rich.

And your drug testing program? Until recently, it had less teeth than a pet store puppy.

Add MLBPA union boss Donald Fehr to the list of hilarious con men implicated in this scheme. He had long opposed drug testing in the sport due to reasons of "privacy."

Well, there you go, A-Rod. Why didn't you just tell everyone it was none of their business, that it is a "private" matter?

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. And one more for good measure: ha! (Exclamation point provided, no extra charge).

And we all fell for it, hook, line and stinker. Players would come into camp with 40  pounds of newfound muscle and say that they changed their eating patterns.

Well, just what the hell were they eating, nuclear warheads?

And hey, apart from people dying tragically young, and sacred records being compromised, there's really no harm in all this, right? It's all fun and games.

Come to think of it, you have to laugh to keep from crying sometimes.

Cue the laugh track, boys.