The Bluths Explain Football: Prepping for the Titans Season

Welcome back to the Bluths Explain Football, an ongoing series in which the cast of Arrested Development gives you insight into the AFC South.

Today's episode is "Pier Pressure ". Let's see what it can teach us about the Tennessee Titans.

Plot

Michael and Lindsay doubt their parental acumen. Buster tries to get marijuana for his girlfriend, and enlists George Michael's help. George Michael tries to get it from Gob, who tells Michael.

Michel and Gob set out to teach George Michael a lesson. In the end, there is a drug bust involving hot cops and fake arms.

Quotes

Well, the bar for the refrigerator has been lowered, huh?

-Michael

Kamerion Wimbley should have a fine season in Tennessee, but if getting a guy who has 26.5 sacks in the past four seasons qualifies as fixing the league's worst pass rush, I guess the Titans' coaches are really grading on a curve.

My gut is telling me no, but my gut is also very hungry.

-Gob

This describes most of the Titans fans I've interacted with recently. They all want to be hopefully about the 2012 team, but there is something holding back their optimism.  Whether it's lingering discontent about the draft or the general unsettled nature of the quarterback position, the bandwagon seems to have plenty of room on it.

Ok, it was for me. I was going to smoke the marijuana like a cigarette.

-George Michael

Kenny Britt has cleaned up his act after earlier indiscretions with pot. Just like George Michael, he seems to have leaned his lesson and is back on the straight and narrow. He's working hard and is determined to have an A season. Not an A-minus, mind you, an honest A.

Well, I didn't make a commitment, but I did refer to it as "our" nausea.

-Buster

The Titans have really held Chris Johnson's feet to the fire this offseason after last year's questionable extension. The good news is that he's responding well. He's added some bulk, shown up to the workouts and generally kept his mouth shut.

The nausea the team felt about him last October might finally be dissipating.

That's why you don't yell!

-J. Walter Weatherman

Mike Munchak's quieter, gentler approach with the Titans has been working well so far. The team has had good participation, little controversy and several young players are integrating well. It's amazing how treating men like men, and not children, can go a long way to creating a positive atmosphere.

I know, but it's an elephant, and I didn't want to invite the comparison.

-Lucille

Come on. This is too easy. The biggest elephant in the room is the quarterback situation. I reference it in every story about the Titans because it's impossible not to talk about it. Very few teams have interesting QB battles, and the Titans have to go and ruin theirs by having everyone be all professional about it.

I almost wish Jake Locker and Matt Hasselbeck played for the Jets. Then we'd get a hilarious string of articles parsing their every statement. Don't these guys know that we in the media depend on their verbal sniping to make our jobs interesting and lucrative?

How dare they act like adults.

These guys are pros, Michael. They are going to wait until the last possible instant before they strip.

-Gob

The Titans are going to be in the hunt for a playoff spot until the end of the year. I still believe they get a wild card in the AFC, but we aren't going find out until week 17.

Analysis

Titans' fans would do well not to get too high before this season. After all, they should have learned their lesson by now not to expect too much (or too little) from the Titans. They may only have a C-minuses in math, but they got an alligator in spelling, or was that run blocking?

Some fans won't be able to stop dreaming about a Super Bowl, and all the hot cops and fake arms in the world won't be enough to dissuade them.

As long as the team doesn't leave the door open with the air-conditioner on, it'll all be fine. I'm not smoking any big yellow joints, and I still think this is a playoff team.