Humor—Chuck Norris Signs With Braves

The Atlanta Braves announced today that they have signed Chuck Norris to a five-year contract with an annual salary of $1 with only one incentive: all the babies he can kick. 

Chuck Norris said today of himself, "Chuck Norris has always wanted to play professional baseball.  Chuck Norris saw this as an opportunity to prove Chuck Norris's worth as a Ballplayer."

While at the press conference at Turner Field, Chuck was asked by a reporter why he had decided to play Major League Baseball, seing as how Mr. Norris hasn't played organized baseball since...well, ever (he killed three of his teammates during T-Ball practice when he was five, thus never playing an official game).  Three seconds after the question, the reporter's head killed a Chinese family tending their garden in Beijing (if you couldn't figure it out, Chuck roundhouse kicked the reporter's head off). 

Norris is expected to serve as a "Super Utility Man," playing first, second, third, short, third, left field, right field, center field, serving as ace of the pitching staff, and manager (replacing the venerable Bobby Cox) all at the same time.

The Braves are now the favorites to not only win the World Series, but also Super Bowl XLIV, the World Cup, the US Open, Australian Open, British Open, the ArenaBowl, the Stanley Cup, and the Masters.

Chuck is also expected to wear the number that represents the number of people hie's, let's say, "beat up", that number being infinity, because he will NEVER stop.

BREAKING NEWS: Bud Selig has threataned to suspend Chuck Norris due to his refuseal to use a bat (opting to use his legs instead).

In response, Chuck said "Selig makes Chuck Norris angry.".

MORE BREAKING NEWS: Bud Selig is in the hospital with a kick to the back of the face.  The police say they have no suspects or leads, except for some red hair they found at the scene...

~Cameron Britt