College Football Offseason: How to Make the Most of the Remaining 3 Months

We’ve made it to June 1, which means Sept. 1—a.k.a. the first college-football Saturday of 2012—is now just a semi-manageable three months away. This is both exciting and incredibly depressing.

It sounds and feels like an eternity, and in some ways it is, but the only thing standing between you and kickoff is time (our worst nemesis), the heat and probably more ridiculous expansion rumors. Oh, and college football is getting a playoff, which should be thoroughly distracting.

By July, you will be football deprived—you already are—and there’s nothing you can do to fill this emptiness. You can, however, ready yourself for the season by doing the following to ensure you’re prepared for Week 1.

Eat Well, Exercise and Get In Football-Watching Shape

Saturdays in the fall are magnificent, and they are magnificent in large part because watching obscene amounts of football goes well with drinking bundles of beer and eating anything fried, battered, smoked, grilled or smothered.

Each Saturday (and Thursday, and sometimes Friday) becomes a caloric battle that you will lose. Wave the white flag, bow down to the impossible and give in. There’s no fighting this, although you can prepare accordingly. 

I’m not asking you to develop a six-pack overnight, but instead, suggesting that you lose a few pounds that you will most certainly put back on by the time conference play begins. Eat a little bit better, drink a little bit less (or at least make it a Jack and Diet).

Your stomach and jeans will thank you for it come October.

Spend Some Quality Time With The Fam

Now, it’s always wonderful to spend time with your family, regardless of the season, and I’m not saying that you should cut off communication once foot finally hits tee. 

Again, however, you need to plan accordingly when it comes to logging massive, weekend television-watching hours in the future and actually being able to do so without jeopardizing relationships.

Take her to see that awful movie that will be just as awful or worse when you see it. Go to nice dinners and eat salad (remember the tip from above). Do the chores when you’re told, and make “yes” the designated summer response. 

A time will come in 2012 where she’ll ask you to take her to dinner just before the late-night game is coming on. You’ll turn her down, politely, of course, and it’ll work out in your favor because of the summer hours you put in. 

To maximize this technique, plan to incorporate flowers the Wednesday before the season begins. This will serve as a magnificent grand finale.

Figure Out Who The Hell is Playing Where

Expansion has made things confusing, even for those that pride themselves on their CFB familiarity. There are new faces in new places starting in 2012.

Get used to this trend. It’s not going away.

The offseason serves as the perfect time to prepare one’s football cranium for the following year, and you can start by testing your geographical conference prowess. You’ve got homework, and you don’t want to be that guy that calls the Pac-12 the Pac-10 until 2017. Don’t be that guy. 

Start with the big ones like the SEC, Big 12 and Big East (insert your appropriate joke here) and then move your way down to the WACs of the world. Also, this is the perfect opportunity to finally embed the Big Ten divisions in your brain.

Pop Quiz: Does Purdue play in the Legends or Leaders Division?

If you motored to Google to answer this question, you are not alone. There is work to be done.

Start Scouting For That Obnoxious Television You Deserve

Unless you’ve purchased a top-of-the-line TV in the past two years, chances are, you need an upgrade. And even if you don’t need an upgrade, wouldn’t a sick 55-inch television that’s thinner than your sandwich you’re currently eating be just lovely? 

Hell yes, it would.

Search online, check the papers (if you partake in such rituals, which you should), and spend the next three months finding your dream watching device for a good price. Make it your mission, and don’t let anybody tell you otherwise. If you find your deal early on, scouting out a 5-star surround-sound system should take center stage.

College football deserves to be enjoyed in the finest form, and although your wallet will get sacked for a loss doing this, it’s worth every penny.

Update Your Chef Repertoire

We all have different takes on what food should be consumed come game day. Our preferences will certainly differ, but that doesn’t mean we can’t expand our unique horizons.

Master your chili recipe. Sure, it’s probably good right now, but I’ll bet it could get better given proper assessment and research. The Internet is filled with magnificent tailgating-food input and suggestions, and there’s absolutely no reason you should enter 2012 with the same food knowledge as you had in 2011.

Test our your dishes without gorging on them (remember, it’s diet time), and head into the season with an increased arsenal of consumable options. Bourbon is bourbon, which needs no further ingredients other than perhaps slightly better bourbon or more bourbon.

Food is a different animal, and now is the time to knowledge up.