The Media Circus

When it comes to ground-breaking personnel for the studio show, no one has gone out on a limb quite like NBC did this football season. 

During their football coverage over the past few weeks of the regular season through the Super Bowl, they enhanced their studio presence by adding the opinion of the man who was the architect of the single worst NFL franchise in league history—former Lions GM, Matt Millen.

After being fired mid-year in Detroit, Millen—perhaps the most unsuccessful GM the NFL has ever seen—somehow worked his way into the NBC pre-game show, even lining up next to successful coaches Tony Dungy and Mike Holmgren during the Super Bowl broadcast. 

Our question to NBC Sports is, why stop there?

If you’re going to give your viewers a first hand taste of the worst-of-the-worst in each sport, let’s look into a few more people who may add that certain “Millen-esque” element to the network:

If you’re looking for in depth coverage on how to tank an MLB team, no one is more qualified than former Seattle Mariners General Manager Bill Bavasi. 

Bavasi made certain that payroll kept going up courtesy of rock solid deals such as the Richie Sexson contract and the comically bad signing of Carlos Silva prior to the 2008 season, meanwhile the number of wins kept going down. 

If anyone can give ESPN’s Steve Phillips a run for the title of “most inept TV analyst” it’s Bavasi.

NBC has a rich history of broadcasting horse racing.  Just think of the insight that Felix Monserrate could add to the pre-race studio show. 

Not sure who Monserrate is?  Well, he was only the trainer of the world famous Zippy Chippy, the thoroughbred who was winless in a record 100 career races before his retirement in 2004. 

What Millen was to the NFL, Monserrate was to thoroughbred racing.

When it comes to the NBA, seriously, who wouldn’t tune in at this point to hear what Isiah Thomas had to say?  That’s the kind of thing that Tivo was invented for. 

Or if Thomas was tied up with say, a sexual harassment lawsuit, NBC could hand a microphone to Elgin Baylor, the man who brought us decades of LA Clippers futility so he could tell us why in the world he drafted the likes of Michael Olowokandi and Darius Miles.

With NBC’s love affair with all things Notre Dame football, it would only seem appropriate that Tyrone Willingham grab a chair and start dropping knowledge on the game that saw him lead the only winless team in FBS this past season, with his 0-11 Washington Huskies.

Perhaps the college basketball scene could be broken down by Quin Snyder, the man who single-handedly tried to destroy Missouri basketball.  What’s that, TNT already tried that?

And to round it all out, when it comes to hockey coverage, they might as well not waste any time and go right to the top, letting Gary Bettman explain to fans across North America how his long term plan to crush the NHL is falling right into place.

Add a wide receiver to that lineup and Matt Millen would be proud. ###MORE###

Crap that actually came from somebody’s mouth

“You can’t lead a pack of ants to a picnic in your own backyard.” - Warren Sapp

Even more accurate in the Sapp backyard where his picnics last only an average of thirty seconds before he’s devoured all of the food.
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“Anybody ever grab it? Touch it? Use it as a weapon against you?” - Andrea Kremer

Shockingly, this was Kremer’s question to Troy Polamalu about his hair and not to Tom Brady about his…thing.
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“Everbody that has to go.” - Mike Ditka, when asked what percentage of people will go to the bathroom at halftime of the Super Bowl

Translation: Why the hell are we answering ridiculous f**king questions like this on TV?

“If we were choosing to do something, I would take Hines Ward first” - John Madden, prior to Super Bowl XLIII
“If I had to choose, I’d take Jason Witten and say ‘you come with me and we’ll go play. You name the game.” - Madden, during Week 3

Safe to say that if Madden was forced to choose, we’d all be in for a rude awakening.

Phil Simms frowns upon facts and humility

On a beautiful Thursday afternoon prior to Super Bowl XLIII, the master of revisionist history Phil Simms joined the cast of NFL Network Total Access as part of their seven and a half hours of pregame, outdoor studio coverage…on Thursday. Yikes. At any rate, Simms was a guest analyst for a segment and performed in typical Simms fashion.

“Randall Cunningham, didn’t he take over 100 sacks in one year?”

Uh, no Phil, that was…oh what’s his name…that one guy who…never played.

David Carr set the record with 76 in 2002, which is more than 24 sacks difference. All good though, because you Phil are the No. 1 game analyst for the NFL on CBS.

“Why don’t we do a stat that says, ‘okay he got sacked 42 times. How many times did he move out of the pocket and make a play?’ And let me tell you, that number is off the charts! But nobody talks about that.”

We’re going to review this one more time, Phil: you are the anointed lead-analyst of the NFL on CBS. As a result, it is your job to have all the facts and numbers necessary to back up your insight.

You raise a good point about “avoiding sacks and making plays” for players like Ben Roethlisberger, but no one in these vast lands is stopping you from doing the research and creating your own statistic for instances like these.

In fact, there’s a very reputable football site—Cold Hard Football Facts—that is predicated on these types of things.

Also, just how many plays warrant “off the charts” descriptions? We won’t hold our breath waiting for an answer.

“I’m not a humble guy. I’m not.”

No shit?

Chris Mortensen’s approval rating just went up

Chris Berman’s affinity for wishing people “happy ____” on ___ Day is well documented (here and here, as examples). Even so, the Media Circus was surprised to hear the following salutation from the sweaty one:

“Let us be the first to wish you a happy February and a happy Super Bowl. Let us be amongst the first.”

Apparently people with a lot of time on their hands (us) aren’t the only ones aware of this annoying trait; Chris Mortensen decided he’d up the ante and put the pressure on the Bermanator with a dose of his own medicine.

“Let me be the first to wish you a happy St. Patrick’s Day.”

“Let me be the first to wish you a happy birthday.”

For the record, the Bermanator’s birthday is in May. And even though Boomer ruined any shred of humor by countering Mortensen with “happy non-leap year”, we still applaud Mortensen’s efforts.

Someone has to keep sweaty-tits in line.

Steve Young kind of has some harsh words to describe Ben Roethlisberger - sort of

Once again, Mr. Young speaks and we’re left believing he’s the world’s premiere embodiment of public service announcements for concussions.

“Ben (Roethlisberger), I’m not going to question his toughness because the guy is tough, but every time there seems to be always something—and I don’t know whether he needs it to challenge himself, an injury to overcome or something that is just an in-the-back-pocket excuse in case something goes bad. There always seems to be something around Ben with this thumbs and knees and elbow and injuries. You know what? If that’s the way you’re successful that’s fine with me. No problem.”

In other words, Steve Young thinks Roethlisberger fakes injuries…no. He needs excuses for when he fails…no. You know what, it doesn’t matter. Do your thing, Benjamin.

“Some guys need to be the storyline. With Ben Roethlisberger, he needs to be the storyline of every football game. This over-dramatization of his injuries it allows him to always be the storyline.” - Trent Dilfer

We typically don’t resort to name calling, but we have no qualms with calling Trent Dilfer an idiot.

Idiot.

“You talk around people who have been around him a long time and there’s…just always something going on (with Ben).” - Steve Young

If clarity was was food, Steve Young would be starving.

“I just want to understand what you’re trying to say.” - Mike Tirico

You and everyone else, Mike.

Michael Silver covets Brenda Warner

Someone should tell Kurt to read Silver’s Morning Rush column on Yahoo! Sports. Doing so might shed some light on why Brenda has been going to the grocery store every Wednesday night after 11:00.

“No puppy! Elijah is crying”
– Text Sunday night from Brenda Warner, referring to her husband’s supposed promise to get a puppy if he won the Super Bowl—and their five-year-old son’s reaction to the outcome.

“Just saw you big pimp’n with Brenda. You are a huge star!”
– Text Sunday from ESPN analyst Trent Dilfer, who has mastered the art of sarcasm, after seeing me sitting with Kurt Warner’s wife in Section 113 on NBC’s pregame show.

“That was me! I saw u!”
– Text Thursday from Mrs. Warner, jokingly responding to the news that I had seen a naked model with body paint featuring her husband’s “jersey” and uniform number at the previous night’s Moves Magazine party.

Three Brenda-related text messages in one column? Geez, Michael, you’re starting to resemble ole Petey King and Our Favre.

The Media Circus is written by Josh Bacott and Patrick Imig. They swear this stuff is real. Email them at [e-mail].

They’re just making sure every angle is covered, people.