Things I Learned Watching Super Bowl XLIII

The Pittsburgh Steelers didn't win!

Check it out here.

Monkeys are awesome.

It is OK to have zoo animals live with you.

If you have Doritos, good things will happen to you in life, but when they are gone, look out for that bus.

Will Ferrell is the best comedic actor of our generation; he can even make Land of the Lost look appealing.

Todd Haley looks a lot like the dad from Honey, I Shrunk the Kids.

Swaggin is an institute of higher learning.

Even I can be the dean at Princeton.

Stepping on your quarterback’s foot in every game can be a good thing.

Black babies sound like old white guys when they talk.

Chicks dig guys with two broken arms.

Death has to pay taxes.

Ray Lewis is an excellent ballet dancer.

John Elway is really a super hero and can fly.

Bruce Springsteen knows exactly what America is doing at all times.

Gospel choirs can do Springsteen songs.

You can laugh your ass off, literally.

You should never go into the pimped out refrigerator.

If you hate going to work, no one respects you, you think about being elsewhere, cry constantly, like punching small animals, and sit next to a jerk...it may be time for a new job.  

If John Madden mentions you in the telecast, you will make the next play.

Madden is obsessed with big hands.

Barack Obama is great at picking football games.