Kentucky Derby 2012 TV Schedule: 'Fastest 2 Minutes in Sports' Far Too Drawn out

Here's an unbalanced equation for you: Coverage of the Kentucky Derby on NBC lasts from 4-7 p.m. ET on Saturday, three whole hours of sentimental flashbacks to horses of yore, touching, human-interest stories related to the current field and more Derby traditions than anyone knows what to do with.

Of course, the race itself lasts about two minutes.

Wait, how did we turn two minutes into three hours? How did this happen?

No other sporting event is as drawn out as the Kentucky Derby. Not even the Super Bowl—at least that lasts three hours. Frankly, it's pretty damn annoying.

It's not just those two hours, of course. You can watch the undercard from 11 a.m. to 4 p.m. ET on Saturday on the NBC Sports Network, just in case you're interested in watching a whole slew of horses you've never heard of.

But it's the three hours of coverage for a two-minute race that really gets on my nerves. Why do we have to have so much pomp and circumstance on every freaking sporting event these days? Why must we squeeze every last drop of minutiae, every last minute of coverage for the sheer sake of doing so?

Okay, okay, so I know the answer to that: it's all about money.

Everyone is trying to make as much money as possible on everything these days, and stretching coverage of a two-minute race over three hours is a guaranteed way for NBC to ensure they'll squeeze every last advertising penny out of the event as they can.

This is what the sporting world has become, hands coming from every direction to extract every last possible dollar out of all sports have to offer.

I'm a realist, this phenomenon is inevitable and I make a living because of it.

But that doesn't mean I don't get annoyed by the whole spectacle sometimes. It doesn't mean gaudy, stupid halftime shows at the Super Bowl don't cause me to cringe, or pay-per-view boxing matches that cost $65 don't make me scoff.

So chalk up three hours of television coverage for a two-minute race as just another spectacle in the world of sports. It's drawn out, it's pretty annoying (to me, at least) and damn it all, it's inevitable.

Now if you'll excuse me, I clearly could use a mint julep to take the edge off.

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