Coaches at the Tee: Important Updates from the Chick-fil-A Long Drive Contest

If long drive contests are any indication of football dominance—and clearly they are—Miami will soon dodge all sanctions and “The U” will be back in the national spotlight.

Some of the game’s best and noteworthy college football coaches are participating in the Chick-fil-A Bowl charity golf tournament this week, and on Monday, this group teed it up in the Long Drive Competition.

The winner of this event received the commitment of the nation’s premier prospect Robert Nkemdiche. No, not really, but that would be pretty wonderful. Also, Steve Spurrier would likely be built like an outside linebacker because of excessive HGH usage.

Leading all coaches in this swinging spotlight was Miami’s Al Golden, who bombed his tee shot 303 yards to lap the rest of the field. We can only hope he achieved such distance wearing a dress shirt and Chick-fil-A-centric tie. He likely was quite sweaty, as the man typically perspires when he begins to pace the sideline.

Ole Miss coach Hugh Freeze finished second with his 276-yard drive, while Ohio State’s Urban Meyer took home the bronze with a 271-yard drive. Meyer also exhibited some short-game prowess, winning the Closest to the Pin Contest, which explains why you just committed to play football for Ohio State. You did, just now. Congrats.

As for those that didn’t bomb the ball, well, there are a few. Georgia Tech’s Paul Johnson proved once and for all that option coaches will always struggle on par-5s, hitting his tee shot just 235 yards. Steve Spurrier was second from the bottom, hitting his tee shot 233 yards. We’ll cut the OBC some slack here, however, because of age and also because he was likely leaving some distance in the tank for hustling purposes later on in the week.

And then there’s Dan Mullen. Dan mustered just 227 yards on his tee shot, which will clearly hurt recruiting. In fact, there’s a high probability that this will somehow work its way onto a game day sign at some point in the season because SEC fans don’t miss anything. Also, 227? Al Golden could have probably hit that distance by choking down on his 5-iron.

This concludes your important long drive updates for the time being. Stay tuned for a 3,000-word assessment on why Derek Dooley’s clutch putting could mean BIG things for the Vols in 2012!