Most Terrifying Tributes in Sports
Want to honor your team?
Hang a team pennant on your bedroom wall. Slap a team bumper sticker on your car. Wear a team cap on your noggin.
Want to pay tribute to a favorite player?
Wear a replica of his jersey. Sign up for his twitter feed. Use an action photo of him as your cell phone wallpaper.
These are normal, tasteful displays of support and admiration.
The ones that follow are not. They are haunting, creepy and at times, downright fearsome.
Click on to see 25 sports tributes that would make Mary Shelley proud.
Parental guidance recommended.
25. The Indelible Kobe Bryant
A line separates fanatics from stalkers. It's a thin line, yes, but it's clear and distinct.
Walking around with KB's intense game face blossoming up out of your sock...
Well, no need to say which side of the line that's on.
24. Cristiano Ronaldo Waxed
Too real! Too real!
Hard to believe you could stick a wick on this CR, light it, and he'd melt nice and gentle like.
23. John Elway Gets Punk'd
As a tribute to its Colorado roots, punk band 10-4 Eleanor changed its name to Elway.
The Comeback Kid was none too pleased and had his representatives send the band members a letter, asking them to change the name.
But Elway rocks on as Elway, churning out—in their own words—"so-so music for [their] dozens of fans to enjoy."
22. Muhammad Ali: A Two-Knobbed Tribute
Hey, nothing against the artist here. Pretty sophisticated stuff considering it's done on a kid's toy with just two knobs to work with.
But it's hard to get past the haunted look of these images. "The Greatest" looks like "The Ghastliest"—especially that open-mouthed image down near the bottom left.
21. Barrel Man Bobble
For those not in the know, Barrel Man was the über-est Bronco fan that ever was. For 30 years he attended Broncos home games "nekkid" save for his barrel, hat and boots.
A beloved icon he made.
A cute bobble head figure, he did not.
20. Head of the Oakland Raiders
19. Shane Warne Becomes a Decoration on Jabba's Wall
Things that look good in bronze:
1. door knobs
2. Olympic medals
4. ash trays
5. service stars
6. table lamps
Things that look questionable in bronze:
Example 1: Coach Herb Magee
Example 2: Coach Don Coryell
Things that look horrifying in bronze:
1. Cricket Players
Example 1: Shane Warne
Example 2: Fred Trueman
18. Poodle Steels the Show
You know those paintings of dogs playing poker?
Some people find them kitsch, but others find them downright creepy and distasteful.
If you're among those in the latter group, this poodle will do you one worse.
17. China Dolls
Aren't bobble heads supposed to be funny and cute? Why does it look like this little army of grimacing dolls might swivel around and bite that woman's face off?
16. James Harris Body Slam Action Figure
15. Anthony Davis: Shotblocker, Unibrow Rocker
Skittish types beware!
Seeing German disc jockey DJ Fula's unibrow-adorned face in close-up is more than mildly disconcerting.
Especially when he is screaming and the first line of the rap tribute is a threat.
14. John Elway Gets a Leg Up
How do you think the Duke feels about being so close to this dude's privates?
13. Stephon Marbury in Clay
To honor him, they have built a bronze sculpture of him.
Before the statue was cast in bronze, this chilling clay model was made, reminiscent of:
a) a victim of the Pompei disaster
b) a vampire in the brief moment between when daylight petrifies him and when he crumbles to a smoldering pile of ash
12. Wayne Rooney: Nightstalker
The missing version of Edvard Munch's The Scream?
11. An Arsenal in the Gut
Didn't Steve McQueen fight this dude's stomach in some old B movie?
10. Muhammad Ali: Why so Blue?
Move like a butterfly...
Tinged like a smurf?
Purchase your copy here.
9. Joe Montana in the Shining
Is it just me or is wax Joe:
a) way too shiny?
b) sporting a face full of tumors?
c) wearing the exact same expression as the clown from Poltergeist?
8. Wayne Rooney: Nightstalker Version 2.0
He shoots, he scores, and at midnight, he feeds.
7. Longhorns in Blackface
The University Co-Op Bookstore at the University of Texas commissioned a Filipino company called Asian Replicas to produce statues of their football greats.
Promptly delivered were these horrifying, racist, fiberglass monstrosities.
According to Spencer Hall, writer and editor of EDSBS.com, Legend's Walk, where these ghastly figures reside, is "a former parking area now devoted to making children cry and giving something for really stoned students wandering the campus late at night to be terrified of in the dark."
6. Jimmy Connors Strikes Back
5. Brett Keisel Mugs a Forearm
I don't know about the rest of you, but were this ink on my forearm, I'd risk a heart attack every time I went to wipe my brow.
4. Agassi and Graf Stamped out
If you're mailing a package off to Satan, you'll be wanting a sheet of these stamps.
3. The Zim Bear
This doll, a tribute to the Tampa Bay Rays coach, is "half-crusty old coach Don Zimmer, half-cuddly teddy bear and 100 percent terrifying."
To all unfortunate owners of a Zim Bear, Adam of Moody, Alabama offers up this advice: "Just do not get it wet, and NEVER feed it after midnight. You have been warned."
2. RGIII in a Pickle
This abomination—a lunch meat likeness of RGIII—was sculpted (built? prepared? carved?) after Griffin inked an endorsement deal with Subway.
The deal is supposed to promote a healthy lifestyle.
If healthy lifestyle includes night terrors and loss of appetite, then yeah, I'm guessing this will be a successful campaign.
1. Jailbird Does Time for Larry Bird
Back in October 2005, Eric Torpy was sentenced to 30 years in the big house for armed robbery and two counts of shooting with intent to kill.
What happened next will make you fear for the future of the human race: “He said if he was going down, he was going to go down in Larry Bird’s jersey," Oklahoma District Judge Ray Elliot told the Associated Press.
Torpy asked for three years to be tacked on to his sentence.
Yes, folks, as a tribute to his hero Celtics No. 33, Torpy will linger for 36 additional months (1095 days or 26,280 hours) in a 10x15 square-foot cell at the Davis Correctional Facility.