Matt Millen's Memo to NBC: How To Fix the Super Bowl

TO: NBC Sports Executives

FROM: Matt Millen

SUBJECT: Super Bowl Adjustments

First of all, I would like to thank NBC for bringing me on board as an analyst again. It feels great to get back to the broadcast booth.

That being said, I have learned something in my time as General Manager of the Detroit Lions, and that is to recognize when some changes need to be made.

I know you trust my judgment, and therefore I have taken the liberty of changing a few minor things in the broadcast. I just wanted to run a few things by you before the big game.

Though I'm confident my leadership will bring nothing but good things to this network and our Super Bowl broadcast, I thought I’d send you a memo to keep you informed of my changes, just so there are no surprises.

Hire New Broadcast Team

NBC analysts Dan Patrick, Keith Olbermann, and Bob Costas are fine men, but they're not going to get the Super Bowl to the next level. We need very talented skill players to fill these roles, and I've found just the guys.

Cris Collisworth will stay on board, joined by Inside the NFL's Cris Carter, Monday Night Football's Keyshawn Johnson, and Michael Irvin, formerly of Sunday NFL Countdown.

The skills of these analysts will bring NBC a boom in ratings and success never before seen by the network.

The scouts tell me Keyshawn is an injury risk, but I'm sure if we give him lots of money, his collarbone will be fine.

Hire New Director

Though I'm sure you have gone though much effort in finding a director for this year's Super Bowl broadcast, relax. I've found the perfect candidate.

James Barker, an intern at WFLA, NBC's Tampa affiliate, has been working on his local news team's sportscast for several months, now, and I have asked him to direct our Super Bowl show, from pregame to postgame.

I know he does not have the experience and knowledge that comes with working at this high level, and he has never held even an assistant director's position, but I firmly believe in his character.

The knowledge will come in time, but Barker's presence and straightforward method will speak to our guys like no amount of actual football or management knowledge ever could.

Personality Is Not Important

If I learned anything with the Detroit Lions, it's that personality is completely not important. I know that up to this point, a positive attitude has been reinforced at NBC, and everybody on camera looks and acts like they actually want to be there.

This will no longer be the case.

Personality issues are not important, only raw, unrefined skills. Look at my hiring here of Michael Irvin and my drafting of Charles Rogers and Mike Williams with the Lions. All have potentially troublesome personalities, but whether they put their job first or not is irrelevant.

In fact, we could all take a lesson from Mike Williams and John Madden. I am encouraging everyone in the studio to gain 75 pounds and refrain from ever improving their skills in the slightest amount.

Do Not, Under Any Circumstances, Adjust to Any Changes In Anything

Over the course of my career, I have been nothing if not a model of consistency. In my tenure with the Lions, I was very careful to never change my approach in the way I did things, regardless of the results. I drafted the same, hired coaches the same, and talked to the media the same, even in the face of adversity.

I think the results of this speak for themselves.

Therefore, I have suggested that John Madden and Al Michaels, as well as our analysts back in the studio, refrain from reacting to any changes in the game, including changes in possession, changes in field position from one play to the next, movement of players, passage of time, and my favorite thing to ignore: the score.

Instead of these tedious changes, our analysts and announcers will instead talk about the character of each player on the field, and the coaches.

Should they get through each active player, they may then begin talking about inactive or third-string players, and as a last resort, discuss the benefits of taking Michael Crabtree first overall in the 2009 NFL Draft.

If There's a Hole in the Team, Just Throw Anybody in There

Gaps aren't hard to fill. There are people all over the place that would love to have a job here.

Same with the Lions. I traded Shaun Rogers a few months back, and needed someone to replace him. Chuck Darby was available, so Coach Marinelli and I brought him on board. Easy fix.

We also need to look into making our crew more versatile. I’ve become very experienced with that in my career.

Need a fullback? Use a tight end.

Need a tight end? Use that big wide receiver you drafted 10th overall.

Need a wide receiver? Convert a safety.

Need a kick returner? Use anybody!

Need a cameraman? Use a stat-checker.

Need a stat-checker? Use an assistant producer.

See, under this philosophy, we improve the entire NBC team by giving each person on the staff the opportunity to learn multiple skill sets.

By the way, I've re-hired the entire staff myself, and I will personally stake my reputation on the primary skill sets of our crew.

Incidentally, Casey Fitzsimmons has agreed to stand by in case we need somebody. He said we could just plug him in anywhere.

Never, Ever Quit, Even When It Makes a Lot of Sense to Everybody Except You

I am not a quitter. Never will be. No matter how many people called for my firing in Detroit, I continued on.

As a matter of fact, the only reason I left Detroit and returned to the broadcast booth was because those security guards at Allen Park told me that our offices had been condemned, and that I had to get my stuff out of there before the wrecking crew came in. As soon as I walked out, they locked the door behind me.

I didn’t quit, and no amount of losing or winless seasons will ever make me quit.

In the spirit of carrying on and never quitting, I have arranged it with all necessary parties to ensure that our Super Bowl telecast continues, uninterrupted, until Feb. 3 or later.

Though some might consider that about three times as long as it should be, that’s also what people said about my time in Detroit, and you see how much stake I put in that. Ultimately, we parted ways, and you here at NBC welcomed me with open arms, reminding me that I did things right.

I am prepared to consume unhealthy amounts of caffeine and swap out one-hour sleep shifts with the other analysts (it was a condition of their hiring) to make this happen, because I am committed to building a winning product, and that’s what winners do.

Solid planning and intelligence is no substitute for grit and toughness when it comes to any kind of management, team or broadcast.

I’m willing to display that determination for NBC, and transform an otherwise mediocre product into one that will be remembered throughout NFL History.

Thanks again for giving me this opportunity!

Sincerely,

Matt Millen

P.S. Can’t wait to hear your feedback on my changes. My last boss just kind of grumbled to himself all the time when I talked to him.

Sometimes it seemed like he was having a conversation with himself, or even two other people who weren’t actually there. I always figured he was just practicing for his next press conference in 2011, but now I'm not so sure...