The Doctor's Weekly WWE Raw Recap: The 199 Things We Learned, Loved and Hated

With Extreme Rules being just six days away, WWE made sure they put time in on all the major feuds during tonight's three-hour Raw.

Many of the clips we saw were flashbacks to Brock Lesnar's first run in WWE. Something very interesting was that all three of the matches they highlighted featured current TNA contracted talents: Jeff Hardy, Kurt Angle and Hulk Hogan.

If WWE is trying to tell us they do not consider TNA a threat, then I can say the message has been received. Maybe TNA's best chance at success is if WWE ignores them rather than tries to put them out of business.

I truly appreciate my loyal readers, but for those of you who are new, each week I recap Raw with a long list.

The entries are made up of equal parts humor, recap, play-by-play, revelations, speculations, questions, answers and anything else I notice during the show. I sometimes comment on commercials too just because I get bored during them.

I have a couple games each week as well. The first game is mentioning any signs you saw in the crowd which were just plain odd. I will take the best submissions and include a poll in Friday's recap.

The second game this week will be submitting ideas for a sign I can bring with me to Extreme Rules. There is a heavy chance that it will be shown on PPV since my seats seem to be right in front of the main camera angle WWE uses and I am somewhat close to the ring.

I try and interject some fun into these lists, so I hope you have fun reading this week's list of the 199 things we learned, loved and hated from the show.

1. Hello everybody and welcome to Monday Night Raw
2. Justin Roberts starts by introducing Teddy Long, who welcomes us to the contract signing between John Cena and Brock Lesnar.
3. Jesus! Cena has held 12 total top titles in WWE? No wonder they slowed his roll; he might catch Flair within a couple years.
4. Did Teddy saying "UFC" get a boo from the crowd? Good to see this is a wrestling audience tonight.
5. Lesnar's music hits but Big Johnny Laurinaitis comes out instead and says Brock is not here yet.
6. Is Lesnar under the table? They have some kind of covering on the bottom.
7. Why won't JL address Cena himself?
8. JL wants Cena to leave since the contract signing won't happen until later.
9. Awesomeness!!! Edge's music hits and he comes out to a huge pop.
10. Wow! Edge actually mentioned that his contract is expiring.
11. Edge says he is here to talk to Cena, but not the John Cena in front of him.
12. Edge wants to speak to the Cena he went toe to toe with for years.
13. Cena giggles a little when Edge mentions being thrown into Long Island Sound.
14. Edge is being very motivating in this speech.
15. Edge is not asking Cena to beat Lesnar, he is telling him to.
16. That was quite a speech. Edge is still so far above anyone in WWE in terms of mic skills that it really makes me realize what losing him to an injury has done to the business.
17. I think Edge should try and transition into television instead of movies. He is naturally funny and could make for a hilarious addition to any sitcom or dramedy on television
18. When we return, Chris Jericho comes out with a brand new light-up jacket.
19. Kofi Kingston is his opponent. This will either be a good match or a quick win for Jericho.
20. Kofi is taking it to Jericho early on.
21. Jericho comes back with a poke to the eyes.
22. I can't be sure who said it, but I think I heard Mick Foley once say, "A good heel doesn't rake the eyes because he has to, he does it because he wants to."
23. Kofi got some major air when he jumped over the top rope to attack Jericho right before the commercial.
24. Kofi goes for Trouble in Paradise, but Jericho catches him and almost puts him in the Walls of Jericho.
25. Kofi leaps from the top right into a Code Breaker from Jericho.

26. Hey Cole, that is not a Lionsault, it is the Liontamer!
27. Dammit, it's not a Walls of Jericho either, IT IS A LIONTAMER!!!
28. At least the consensus seems to be that the high-angle Boston crab is the Liontamer and the normal Boston crab is the Walls of Jericho.
29. I guess WWE has dropped the Liontamer name altogether.
30. Jericho delivers a promo about CM Punk after the match.
31. Jericho says he has bought him a gift which he will bring out later.
32. I bet it's a bottle of Johnny Walker Green.
33. We get a flashback to Brock Lesnar's debut in WWE.
34. I forgot how badly he destroyed Jeff Hardy in that match.
35. Big Johnny is backstage and Eve walks in.
36. I love the People Power poster JL has in his office.
37. Ha, he has the white suit on the wall too.
38. JL offers Eve a position as Executive Administrator, whatever that is.
39. Eve accepts the job, which probably entails flirting with Ace to make him feel like a man.
40. They show the same video of Lesnar from last week where he talks about being here to make things real again.
41. WWE seems to have come to the realization that as long as they bleep things out they can say whatever they want and still be PG.
42. Punk is shown in his locker room and Josh Mathews walks in and asks him what the gift was.
43. Punk shows the gift to be a basket of liquor.
44. Damn! That is a lot of booze.
45. Hey Punk! If you don't want the Jameson, I'll take it.
46. He gives the basket to Mathews and wishes him a Happy Kwanzaa?
47. If this was winter, that joke would have landed better.
48. Since we are in a commercial, I will ask you for some advice. I am starting to get really good at making homemade pizza, my sauce is amazing, but I cannot find a decent dough recipe to save my life. Anyone have any suggestion for me?
49. R-Truth and Little Jimmy are out after the break to face Lord Tensai.
50. I have to admit that the more I see of Tensai, the more I like the gimmick.

51. Tensai gets the early advantage over Truth, but Truth gets in some offense of his own.
52. Tensai wins the match by putting Truth in the Claw and then driving him to the mat to pin him.
53. Short match, but it establishes Tensai as being very powerful.
54. You know, if he gets a little fatter and changes his head ink to fire instead of Japanese symbols he might look like Bam Bam Bigelow.
55. I miss Bam Bam Bigelow.
56. Kane's big mask he wears to the ring really serves no purpose. If he left it on during promos, it might be a little cooler.
57. Why is it that I have never heard of the people WWE chooses to provide theme songs for PPVs? Am I that out of touch with current music?
58. I guess if my favorite DJ is Dick Biondi on 94.7 The True Oldies Channel, I have my answer. I'm only 28. Is it strange if I only listen to oldies? New music just sucks so much.
59. Kane talks about Extreme Rules being his favorite night of the year.
60. I still say that Kane's promos have been the best in his career since he returned with this renewed dark side.
61. Kane says Orton is just a scared little boy who wants the monster to go away.
62. Orton comes on the Tron and says that messing with his family was the last straw.
63. Hey! It's Paul Bearer!
64. Orton invites Kane to come join them in back as he rolls an unconscious Bearer into a walk-in freezer.
65. Kane looks pissed at first but then laughs. He says he doesn't care what happens to Paul Bearer.
66. Orton meets Kane on the ramp and they start duking it out.
67. Orton grabs a lead pipe and beats Kane until he ends up running through the crowd.
68. Great segment. It made this feud a lot more interesting right before the PPV, which is the best thing WWE could have done at this point.
69. Most unexpected sign of the night: "I came to see Mark Henry"
70. If you saw any strange signs in the crowd tonight, leave them in the comments section and I will put up a poll on Friday's recap to see which one the readers like best.
71. Also, I may as well mention this now. I have another sign game for you guys, but this one is a little different. I am attending Extreme Rules this Sunday and I want you guys to submit suggestions for a sign I should bring to the event. I will pick the best 5-10 from your comments and put a poll up on Friday's recap, then whichever one wins, I will make and bring to Extreme Rules.
72. I am going to be pretty close to the ring from what I can tell and I believe my seats will be on the side of the arena that the camera looks at most of the night, so there is a good chance the sign will be on camera during the PPV at some point. Also, look for me in the Bleacher Report hoodie. Its black with orange letters.
73. Alex Riley comes over to Jericho and says he saw Punk drinking from one of the bottles.
74. Jericho is skeptical, but he checks out Punk's locker room and we see him with a half-empty bottle and he is on the phone.
75. I smell mind-games from Punk.

76. Ricardo Montalban is out to introduce Alberto Del Rio.
77. Cody Rhodes is out next.
78. I like that Rhodes does not only wear his ring jacket during PPVs like some people would.
79. Khali and Big Show are the opponents for Rhodes and Del Rio.
80. Cole says Khali is favoring his leg. but you would never know it by looking at Khali. He is lumbering the same way he always does.
81. I know some people will wonder about this, but I am not going to comment on the potentially gross thing Lawler said. I just won't do it.
82. After one exchange, Rhodes tags in Del Rio.
83. Khali sends Del Rio out of the ring after a huge chop right before commercial.
84. When we return, Rhodes pulls the top rope down and Big Show goes over, possibly injuring his knee.
85. Big Show makes it in the ring right before the ref is going to count him out.
86. Del Rio and Rhodes begin attacking Show's leg.
87. It still entertains me when someone kicks out so strong that the person pinning them goes flying.
88. Big Show telegraphed that chokeslam like he was Samuel Morse. I know it's a bad joke, I don't care.
89. Khali hits a huge chop on Rhodes after Del Rio bails on the match.
90. Show gets Rhodes up for the chokeslam and wins the match.
91. The Extreme Rules pre-show is going to feature Santino vs. Miz for the US title.
92. At least Miz is not in the dark match. It will be shown on YouTube and I assume the Free-for-All on PPV right before the event, but I could be wrong about the second part.
93. Jericho is shown backstage telling JL that Punk should be stripped of the title for drinking.
94. JL is not sure, but Eve says he is in violation of a WWE policy and could legally be stripped of the title.
95. Jericho suggests a field sobriety test to prove Punk is drinking and JL agrees.
96. I do agree with one thing Jericho said: Eve looks great tonight.
97. Teddy asks if JL is really going to do this, and JL says Teddy is going to do it for him.
98. Lesnar is shown backstage and Mathews asks him where he was when he was supposed to open the show.
99. Brock is stone-walling Mathews until he grabs him by the throat, pushes him into a trailer, walks away and then comes back to throw him into the interview set.
100. Give Mathews some credit, he was thrown by Lesnar into that set pretty hard and he took it like a man.

101. After commercial, we see medics attending to Josh Mathews.
102. Everyone's favorite Cylons are in the ring. Did Baltar test those girls?
103. OK, that was officially the nerdiest reference I have ever made in a recap. Hold your applause, please.
104. Beth Phoenix is out to Nikki Bella for the Divas title, but Eve comes out to say that she is making this a Lumber-Jill match.
105. Is someone going to throw red paint on Alicia Fox for wearing fur?
106. Beth starts by showing her strength over Nikki.
107. Even though it seems impressive, I am sure Nikki Bella would not be that hard to Gorilla Press like Beth just did.
108. I am starting to think someone is just painting on the top half of the Bellas outfits.
109. Nikki avoids a Glam Slam and almost gets the win.
110. Whoa! Beth landed a little bad on her ankle. It actually looked like she hurt herself the way her ankle bent.
111. Brie comes to the aid of her sister after Beth gingerly starts to pick her up.
112. The Divas dog-pile on until both women are back in the ring.
113. The ref asks if Beth can continue and she says she is fine, but Nikki rolls her up and wins.
114. I am very curious to know if that happened because Beth hurt her ankle and they made a snap decision.
115. I also heard a rumor that The Bellas might be leaving WWE so this might have been Vince throwing them a bone to stay for another year or two.
116. CM Punk is shown talking to Teddy Long about the sobriety test he has to take.
117. I officially believe that CM Punk is straight-edge now because clearly he is trying to act drunk but has no idea how to.
117. Teddy is in the ring with two "Police officers" to administer the sobriety test.
118. Jericho says he is going to make sure this is done right. I guess he knows how they work since he has had a few.
119. Punk looks like he is limping instead of staggering.
120. This is clearly just a brilliant plan by Punk to get Jericho in the ring with him so he can attack him.
121. "You're not even cool, this is ridiculous" made me laugh pretty hard.
122. Punk puts his gum on the ring post so he can say the alphabet backwards.
123. Punk is getting it wrong by the second letter.
124. Am I supposed to buy that these cops didn't bring a portable breathalyzer.
125. "I didn't see the line, the line is never there. Alright, I've seen 'Cops' before; this is easy. What movie is this from?"
126. Punk is being funnier than he is convincing.
127. The Cops say Punk is drunk and Teddy says he has to hand over the title.
128. Ha, fumble fingers. Funny stuff, Jericho.
129. Punk asks for one more chance and Jericho asks the crowd if he should get one.
130. Punk goes up to the red line again.
131. He does the alphabet backwards and walks the line at the same time.
132. He actually mixed up S and T.
133. He struts the line as he finishes up the alphabet.
134. Punk attacks Jericho with the mic and starts beating him senseless.
135. Everyone saw this coming, but I still kind of liked the segment. Punk was a little funnier than I expected.
136. Jericho goes running to the back and Punk reclaims his title on the top of the ramp.
137. I feel like for a three-hour show we have seen very little actual wrestling. What's up with that?
138. Of course, I complain about the lack of matches and Michael Cole shoves the next match in my face.
139. Another flashback is shown of Lesnar facing Hulk Hogan. WWE really does not acknowledge TNA at all judging by how they have stopped caring about showing talents under contract to TNA in clips.
140. Sheamus is out after the break to face Mark Henry. That person with the sign must be excited.
141. I am glad The King says something about 2 out of 3 falls matches being way more common back in the day. They should have them more often, in my opinion.
142. Interesting, Daniel Bryan is the special guest ref for the match.
143. Bryan pulls Sheamus off of Henry in the corner and then dares Sheamus to hit him, knowing he will be fired if he does.
144. Henry runs over Sheamus and gets the win after a very fast count by Bryan.
145. After the match, Sheamus attacks Bryan since he is no longer a ref.
146. Henry eats a Brogue Kick and Daniel Bryan takes him down and slaps on the Yes Lock.
147. Bryan is becoming such a good heel. I hope WWE doesn't screw it up.
148. A lot of the crowd is chanting "Yes" with Bryan.
149. WWE continues the destruction of the Funkasaurus by having him team up with Hornswoggle to face Dolph Ziggler and Jack Swagger.
150. Matt Striker comes up to Sheamus after the break and asks him what he feels about what just happened.
151. Sheamus makes a comparison to snakes in Ireland to describe Bryan.
152. Lawler's and my prayers have been answered. Rosa is out next. It's like some benevolent being took the best parts of Melina and Stacy Keibler and put them into one woman to make Rosa.
153. Oh yeah, the tag champs are with her.
154. Zack Ryder is teaming with Santino to face Epico and Primo.
155. A Ryder chant breaks out early on. I am glad to see he still has the support of the crowd after WWE stopped his push for no reason whatsoever.
156. Santino gets the tag and comes in like a ball of fire.
157. Santino doing a back roll after the dropkick and hitting the Cobra was a nice little spot. Santino and Ryder get the win.
158. We get a replay of Josh Mathews being injured by Brock Lesnar earlier tonight.
159. Kane is backstage after the break and he comes across the walk-in freezer.
160. He opens it and brings out Paul Bearer.
161. He ends up just rolling him back into the freezer and walking away. Odd.
162. Abraham Washington is backstage with Epico and Primo and he is trying to rile them up.
163. He offers his guidance and leaves. Shouldn't Rosa be offended that he is trying to do what she is supposed to be doing?
164. Brodus Clay is out with Hornswoggle, who is sporting a singlet similar to Clay's. That's just...I don't really know what it is, I guess.
165. Vickie comes out to bring out her team. I guess everyone is wearing things that do not flatter them tonight.
166. Dolph Ziggler has completed his transformation into "Mr. Ass" Billy Gunn with that shake he did on the stage.
167. Dolph wants to start the match against Hornswoggle.
168. Cole saying Hornswoggle has bigger thighs than Brodus is disturbing.
169. Hornswoggle hits a strange head-scissors on Ziggler before tagging in Clay.
170. Vickie gets in the ring to stop Clay from hitting his finisher on Swagger and the ref calls for the bell.
171. She turns to see Clay's dancers staring her down. She grabs Clay's hat and tries to make nice.
172. Hornswoggle bites her butt, she runs off and Clay calls for his music.
173. Well, that was stupid. The only good thing about any of that is those dancers.
174. Brock-back No. 3 is Lesnar facing Kurt Angle for the WWE title.
175. Does anyone else find it funny that every single clip they have shown for Lesnar has featured a contracted TNA talent?
176. What? Why do we need to see the same interview from Lesnar for a second time tonight? Great use of your three hours, WWE. You have devoted almost a whole hour to Brock Lesnar footage and segments.
177. This feud has more than enough hype right now, they could have brought it back a bit with the Lesnar stuff, but I get why they think it's a good idea to do.
178. JL's glorious entrance music hits and he comes out for the contract signing.
179. For those wondering why David Otunga is not with him tonight, it is because he is in Chicago with Jennifer Hudson for the trial of the accused murderer of her family members. I hope they and their family are doing well through all of this. As a Chicago area resident, I have heard a lot about the case and it is a truly sad story. No one should have to experience a loss like that.
180. Lesnar is out next. Cena's music hits but he doesn't come out.
181. A dueling Cena chant breaks out after his music stops. Brock grabs the mic.
182. He taunts Cena, telling him to come out.
183. Did Lesnar just go hillbilly for a second when he said Detroit?
184. Lesnar says he was late because he has some important business to discuss with JL and he asks him to sit down.
185. Lesnar says he was thinking about some changes he needs to happen.
186. He gives JL a list of changes he wants made to his contract.
187. Lesnar says all things regarding his career have to be run by him first.
188. He also wants Vince's private jet to fly to and from shows.
189. Lesnar says he is going to show up when and where he wants and he also wants more money or the match on Sunday won't happen.
190. His most insane request is to add "Starring Brock Lesnar" to the name Monday Night Raw.
191. Johnny Ace agrees to all the conditions and shakes on it. Lesnar makes him say it into the mic.
192. Cena's music hits and he actually comes out this time. He has his old chain with a lock around his neck.
193. I guess he means business. Edge must have gotten to him.
194. Cena has his chain wrapped around his fist as he looks at the contract.
195. Cena hesitates to sign and Lesnar grabs the mic and tells him to do it.
196. Lesnar says Cena is scared and Cena signs the contract and throws it at him.
197. Oh my God! I wrote an article earlier about how it seems impossible to ever have a contract signing without violence and this one ends without a single punch being thrown. What are the odds?
198. My DVR cuts out when the end of show logo pops up, so apparently 10 minutes was just enough time to record extra.
199. Good show, not great though. Decent feud advancement for the few matches we know about for Sunday and a couple good matches.

Thanks for reading and feel free to share your thoughts and additions to the list below. Also, please take a moment and share any signs you saw in the crowd which you thought were just plain strange. Also, make sure to vote in the polls from Friday's recap featured above.

Also, in regards to submitting ideas for a sign I should bring to Extreme Rules, please keep your suggestions PG, as anything bad would get taken away before I even sat down. I am looking for funny, not shocking or crude.

I would like to end tonight's recap by giving a special shout-out to the awesome editors here at Bleacher Report. I am sure I do not make things easy on them with these insane lists twice every week but they do a great job of making sure my ramblings look great and I cannot say enough how much I appreciate the hard work they put in.