Big Ten Football Q&A: Should Coaches Punch Each Other?

Every Thursday on The Big Ten Blog, we will feature questions from the B/R inbox, Twitter and e-mail. Do you have a question for next week's Q&A? Send them to Big Ten Lead Blogger Adam Jacobi via the B/R inbox, on Twitter @Adam_Jacobi or at [e-mail].

Anthony Long (@anthonyslong), via Twitter: Now that Urban Meyer has ended the "gentlemen's agreement" in the B1G, how much longer until we see coaches cage fight for recruits?

Not soon enough. In fact, it's time to rank the slate of coaches by cage fighting ability.

1. Pat Fitzgerald: He's a former All-American linebacker, still in his mid-30s and looks like he could throw on a helmet and jump into the game at any point. He might even skip the helmet.

2. Bret Bielema: Do I think Bret Bielema will throw a punch for the flimsiest of excuses? I'm not not saying that...

3. Kevin Wilson: He was a walk-on lineman that eventually earned a scholarship at UNC. Do you know how mean you have to be to go from walk-on to scholarship? He's probably done things he doesn't want to talk about.

4. Danny Hope: You underestimate the fighting prowess of a man with a power 'stache at your own peril.

5. Jerry Kill: (see: Hope, Danny)

6. Brady Hoke: A former center with the girth to make body shots basically useless, but he's already over 50. Might be a little soft after spending a few years in southern California.

7. Bo Pelini: Suffers mightily from losing brother Carl to FAU, because if we're being honest here, Carl was always the muscle of the operation.

8. Kirk Ferentz: In plenty good shape for MMA, but loses major points by kneeling whenever there's less than two minutes left in the round.

9. Bill O'Brien: Still only 42, but he's an Ivy Leaguer, for crying out loud. I bet he's not so tough when he doesn't have Rob Gronkowski or Aaron Hernandez doing his dirty w--(Adam gets knocked out cold by Curtis Drake).

10. Urban Meyer: Look, he's probably going to be the best coach in the Big Ten by 2013 or so, but he's...he's pretty. I don't think he's ever even taken a punch. I mean, come ON.

11. Tim Beckman: He has impeccable hair and a master's degree. Toledo is a tough town, but Beckman still has all his teeth, so he clearly avoided what the city really has to offer. Definite pushover.

12. Mark Dantonio: He has a zero-tolerance policy on violence, so necessarily, he's down here at the bottom of the wait. Why is he brandishing a baseball bat?! THIS ZERO-TOLERANCE RULE IS A SHAM!

Chris Flynn (@cflynn2), via Twitter: If the ACC is now Wisconsin's QB farm team, which conferences should other Big Ten teams adopt, and for which positions?

Look, I know this isn't the right thing for a Big Ten-centric blogger to say, but...the SEC for everything. Every team, every position. Sorry.

Jason Little (@maestroJPL), via Twitter: Who would win in a hot dog eating contest, Bielema or Hoke?

I am not ranking all the coaches again. I am not ranking all the coaches again. I am not—oh, sorry, you just asked about Bielema and Hoke. That's cool.

The thing about hot-dog eating contests is that they're every bit as much about tactics as gluttony. Bret Bielema strikes me as the type to just wantonly shove the hot dogs in his mouth, while Brady Hoke would have the forethought to develop a working system for eating the hot dogs as efficiently as possible.

Then again, Hoke doesn't have the option of saying "okay, Denard Robinson, go out there and win this one for me," so this one might belong to Bielema—oh god, he's punching the contest judge; we need to go.