NCAA Is Looking for a Marketing Makeover, Here Are Some Terrible Ideas

The NCAA is a good idea in theory.

An organization constructed out of resources from its constituents to govern rules created by collective association, focused on the common goal of enhancing the collegiate experience for student-athletes while making piles and piles of money. 

If that sounds like a good mission statement to the NCAA, someone tell them I work cheap. 

Actually, they can have that one for free, not the reported $1.25 million annual fee they are willing to pay aspiring marketing and advertising firms to handle their branding and communications for the next two years.  

Ad Age reported this week the NCAA is looking for a facelift, hoping to branch out into more than just TV advertising, focusing on wider platforms like digital and social media. 

There is no denying the fact the NCAA has an enormous image problem. Charged with governing and enforcing its own arbitrary set of rules constantly puts the NCAA in the "bad guy" chair. 

The organization needs consumers to see all the good the group does for college athletics and the student-athletes at member schools. It's willing to pay a lot—though not that much by industry standards, which is part of the reason current firm Y&R are not re-pitching—to convince people they aren't an evil empire.

The NCAA is not a terrible organization, in theory.

In reality, the group has been bogged down by bureaucracy and politics for decades, worrying more about policing arbitrary rules than enhancing the student-athlete experience in sensible ways.

Sure, the new folks in charge of the NCAA have said they are going page by page through the rulebook to re-examine every line in an effort to grow with the changing times.

It's not just the ridiculous rules that need changing—like giving a student-athlete a bagel is okay but putting cream cheese on it makes it a violation—it's the bigger stuff. It’s the mentality that the NCAA member institutions cry poor when we know how much revenue is tied to football* and basketball, while the student-athletes aren't getting paid a dime**. 

(*We must remember the NCAA gets nothing from the BCS or current bowl system, which is their own damn fault, not the public's.) 

(**We can debate until our grandchildren graduate from college whether free room and board, books, food, shoes and athletic clothes, academic support and other benefits should constitute payment for services rendered on college football field or basketball courts. I believe student-athletes get a lot more than people like Jay Bilas think. On this, reasonable minds can differ.)

Forget the $1.25 million bucks. Here are some free ideas for the NCAA's new marketing slogan.

"There Are More Than 400,000 NCAA Student-Athletes..."

"There are more than 400,000 NCAA student-athletes, and most of us will be going pro in something other than sports." 

Wait, that's the current slogan, and it's pretty terrible. I believe the logic is that student-athletes play sports in college, but spend most of those formative years developing the skills to go on to do other things in life. So...what's the point?

This is the problem with the NCAA. Are the ads a public service, a call to action, or what? Is the NCAA reminding us it exists, simply to pat itself on the back for that very existence? If so, take that $1.25 million and divide it up by those 400,000 student-athletes and buy them each a ham sandwich.

If the goal of the NCAA marketing is a call to action to keep Olympic sports sustainable at universities as they provide extracurricular activities that strengthen teamwork, fitness and quick thinking, that's fine. I get that.

These ads still don't make any sense.

"Still Think We're Just a Bunch of Dumb Jocks?"

"Still think we're just a bunch of dumb jocks? You need to do your homework."

This is also real, and was the actual tag line used for the commercials that ran during the NCAA Basketball tournament. Clearly it's the same message as the first, just a little more in our faces.

It still doesn't have a point.  Yes, fine, we spent a minute watching athletes stretch and lift and practice while a voiceover told us how they have better scores on standardized tests and graduation rates are up.

What is that selling?

Is the NCAA trying to change perception of athletes in the private sector? Are you asking us to give them jobs? Are you targeting high school kids to become college athletes? Or are you just trying to get us to stop looking at them as "dumb jocks"?

Having them talk a lot of trash while playing sports probably isn't the way to change that perception.

Now that the real ads are out of the way, let's have some fun.

"We Are Better Than You at Everything."

"We are better than you at everything."

If you walk smack, why not take it to the next level and just call us out for being inferior to NCAA athletes in every way?

They are better team players than most of us. They are clearly more physically fit than most of us. And more attractive. And probably smarter. Heck, just by going to college they are more learned than half the population. Plus, the women can dunk now. 

If you're going to talk trash, NCAA, talk real trash. Tell us how much we suck.

"Student Always Comes Before Athlete. Sometimes."

"Student always comes before athlete. Sometimes."

I'm not sure if the first part of that was an official slogan in the past, but it certainly has been the mantra of the NCAA for years. During any NCAA competition, players are always referenced as "student-athletes." (It's as forced as correcting people for saying "N.C. Double-A" instead of "N.C.A.A." Don't dare say "N.C. Two-A" in front of someone who works there.) 

The problem with this mindset of "student-athletes" is that it's patently untrue. Student-athletes spend far more time in the weight room, locker room and practice facility than they will ever spend in the classroom.

Kansas made it to the NCAA national championship game this year, and from the start of the season until they watched Kentucky cut down the nets, the Jayhawks traveled a ridiculous 23,500 miles. In 144 days.

The biggest sham on the planet is the idea of a student-athlete. Yes, most college athletes work hard in school, and this is not a knock on them as students in any way.

It's a knock on the system that pulls these kids in a million directions and still expects them to keep to a nearly unattainable standard in the classroom. And somehow most of the kids do it!

Basketball is the worst, spanning five months of the year over both semesters and sending teams on road trips that have the kids away from campus for anywhere between 30 days to nearly double that for teams that make deep tournament runs, most of which conflicts with the school calendar. 

The term student-athlete is a sham. It does make a good slogan, though.

"Focus on the Kids, Not Us. (Seriously, We Are a Terrible Organization.)"

"Focus on the kids, not us. (Seriously, we are a terrible organization.)"

The current marketing materials that focus on how great the student-athletes perform in the real world is clearly a way to deflect all the negative attention away from the NCAA itself.

By focusing on the athletes in the commercials, the obvious goal is to get us to ignore all the ways the NCAA manages to oppress and exploit the student-athletes while in school.

If you're going to do it, at least be honest about it. 

"We Hate the BCS as Much as You Do."

"We hate the BCS as much as you do." 

Many fans look at the NCAA as both oppressive and exploitative toward its student-athletes, but just imagine how much more oppressive and exploitative an organization it would be with all that football bowl money. 

The NCAA's inability to capitalize on the growth in revenue thrown at college football bowls is the most embarrassing thing about the organization. And there are a lot of embarrassing things about the organization!

The NCAA was born from its members, yet somehow manages to exist without so much as a sniff of the billions of dollars the BCS brings in every year. It's inexplicable.

Another headline, which probably isn't entirely "pro-NCAA" could be: "Annually outsmarted by men in brightly colored blazers."

It has a certain ring to it (note: not a bowl ring).

But seriously, the BCS may be the only organization, coalition or association in all of sports more hated than the NCAA. Why not tap into that and use the marketing money to float rumors you want to start a non-BCS affiliated playoff system? That will get people on your side.

"We Have Less Money Than You Think, but Admittedly More Than You Know."

"We have less money than you think, but admittedly more than you know."

Where does all the money go, if not directly to the student-athletes? When we see billion dollar deals for the NCAA tournament without a dime going into the pockets of the players, it makes people a little leery about trusting the best interests of the NCAA.

If they could only show where the money is going—how the basketball revenue funds non-revenue "Olympic Sports" programs or provides help for local communities—we might be less apt to look at the organization the way we do.

Now, we see so much of the money going to millionaire coaches who end up leaving for better jobs or schtupping former (and sometimes current) student-athletes, and it makes us wonder what good the money is really doing.

NCAAA: The Extra "A" Is for Extra Awesome!

NCAAA: The Extra "A" is for Extra Awesome!

To be fair, this might necessitate a logo change that might be more than the current, less awesome, NCAA can afford.

The NCAA Rules!

The NCAA Rules!

Would also accept "NCAA: We totally rule!"

Snappy, self-deprecating while still being positive and easy to remember.

They could always go with the theory that most people are as dumb as a five-year-old and pull from that playbook.

You know what I'm talking about. When you go on a class trip or to a birthday party and the people in charge tell the kids 50 different rules about no running or yelling or staying with the parents and none of the kids pay attention at all until the end when the person says, "what's the number one rule? HAVE FUN!"

The NCAA: The number one rule is "have fun!"

Think about how great this slogan would be on a t-shirt.*

*Remember, giving student-athletes that t-shirt would be a violation of NCAA rules.