10 Most Bizarre Items the NBA Sells

Sports in general have gotten weird these days, guys. Do you think people from 1947 would have wanted their favorite baseball team's logo on every inch of a room, from the felt on their pool table all the way down to the cork on their coasters? Probably not.

Nowadays, however, the NBA and every other sport organization in the states will pump a logo onto any damn thing and call it memorabilia—and folks, it's starting to get out of control.

There are some things that don't make sense, others that don't have a use and still more that are just plain ugly.

Whether it be shirts you don't quite understand, overproduced hype-based products or just a logo stamped into a piece of bread (we'll get to that later), the NBA has gotten carried away in a day where it's legitimately hard to live up to a claim that something is carried away.

Don't believe me? Just have a look for yourself.

Nickname Kids Jerseys

Now these are only sold in kids' sizes, so the hokey look makes a bit more sense, but still, these seem to be a long way away from being cool (although I'm not sure if I'm a good judge of cool).

What we have here is a big part of the reason why people become fans of the player's name on the back of the jersey rather than the team's name on the front—the NBA is almost completely eliminating the team's name altogether.

Beyond that, having a picture of a player on the back of the jersey slightly obscured by the number just seems odd to me.

Jeremy Lin Anything

The Jeremy Lin wave of furious fandom came along so quickly that the NBA had hardly any time to react with properly-made attire, so it just started pumping a bunch of Knicks gear out with Lin's name stamped randomly somewhere on it, leading to things like this.

Not only is this one hell of an ugly hat (the logo and a player's name on the front?), but it's priced at over $22 for a non-fitted hat.

If you sort the men's apparel down to the Knicks and look at how many different items there are for each player, you'll see that Jeremy Lin has 35 different shirts, hats, jerseys, socks, pantyhose, garter belts and mustache combs. That doesn't seem like too many until you see Carmelo Anthony has just 31, Amar'e Stoudemire has 18 and all you can get from Tyson Chandler is his jersey.

Linsanity. Pure Linsanity.

Wine Glass

Tell me how many times a scenario has played out where one would need a single, personalized wine glass.

I can totally understand a beer cozy, coffee cup, shot glass, martini shaker, highball glass, travel mug or beer stein, but who has ever desired to sip on a glass of pinot noir from a glass with not only their favorite basketball team's logo on it, but also their name, or possibly a nickname?

The best part about the fact that the NBA store sells personalized wine glasses? It sells them singularly. That's right—if you were to want to buy yourself and your soon-to-be ex-wife each a personalized Charlotte Bobcats wine glass, you'd have to go about it with two separate orders.

Stay classy, NBA store.

This Bizarre Painting

I get the feeling the reason the NBA still sells these crazy-looking paintings of LeBron James (as far as I could find this was the only painting of this sort on the site) is because nobody ever bought them.

They are signed "Rookie of the Year 04" by James and then signed again by the painter Malcolm Farley and given a chubby price tag of nearly $2,000.

The description of the item is as follows:

"

If you're looking for the perfect gift for the Cleveland Cavaliers fan in your life, look no further than this 30" x 40" autographed giclée. This beautiful piece has been personally signed by both artist Malcolm Farley and NBA player LeBron James. It comes with an individually numbered, tamper-evident hologram that ensures authenticity.

"

I think it might be time for the shop to either change that description or just take the thing down and cut its losses.

Your Team's Tiffany Lamp

Do you want your guests to start gushing about how undeniably classy your home is as soon as they walk in? Well, the NBA has the product for you.

Class your place up a bit with your very own team-colored Tiffany lamp, coming in 40- or 18-inch sizes. It'll go great with your team-themed pool table, dartboard, living room set, wine glasses, bar stools and anything else you see fit to blow money on.

Coming soon, NBA-themed Fabergé eggs to match your newly acquired Tiffany lamp.

Marvel Hats

The world is a difficult place to understand, and this hat has given me the realization that nobody will never fully understand the mysteries of the universe.

What, if anything, do Spiderman, The Incredible Hulk, Wolverine and Iron Man have to do with basketball? Beyond that, who is buying a hat with their team's logo on the front surrounded by discolored superheroes?

There are just so many questions that this hat raises, not only about NBA apparel, but American society as a whole—and it sure as hell doesn't give any answers.

Your Team's Hard Hat

Upon first glance I thought that this was just a neat little souvenir-type thing that you could buy at a game and get a good laugh at. Sure, you'd be paying $15 too much for it, but it's a neat little hat to have, no problem.

Then I really looked at it. This is an official, OSHA-approved, working-at-a-construction-site hard hat.

At first I scoffed at the idea of any construction worker donning his or her favorite team's colored and logo-ed hard hat, but then I admitted to myself that I would probably want one of my own if I were sitting on a beam wolf-whistling at ladies as they walked by and my co-workers and I were enjoying our lunch.

Basketball Coffee

America, why you so crazy?

Every part of me wants to believe that this is a joke that the NBA store is playing on the world; surely there aren't people out there who would buy a sack of coffee just because their team's logo is stamped on the outside of the bag...right?

Look, I love the NBA as much as anyone, but no part of me wants to wake up in the morning and brew a pot of Pistons Colombian Supremo blend coffee, even if it is "the perfect combination of full, authentic flavor and rich, warm undertones" that the NBA says it is. And I damn sure don't want to pay $27 while I'm at it.

Cookie Tins

Simple, yet completely bonkers.

How many times have you been browsing for a gift for the mailman, your husband, your babysitter or (let's be honest) yourself and thought, "You know what would be perfect? If I could just order some cookies over the Internet and have them show up in a tin with my favorite basketball team's logo stamped on it."

I'm sure the cookies taste fine (they're Mrs. Fields, after all) but the concept of ordering food over the Internet still seems outrageous to me. I can't bring myself to embrace the Internet that much.

Logo-Burning Toaster

As far as I know there's a company out there capitalizing on the stupidity of people in every way possible, and this is just one product that supports that assumption.

Never have I been enjoying a fine piece of toast and thought, "You know what would make my toast-eating experience more enjoyable? If I could munch on toast with the Lakers logo burned into the middle."

Not only is this the most out-there product I've ever seen hocked, but it looks like it makes a bad piece of toast. Just look at it—the crust seems burnt, as does the logo, while the rest of the bread looks undertoasted at best.

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