2012 NFL Mock Draft: Guaranteed Locks for Every First-Round Team

As the 2012 NFL draft nears and colleges across the nation wrap up their pro days, the mock drafts are hitting the internet hot and heavy—from ESPN's Mel Kiper to Sports Illustrated's Don Banks to Bleacher Report's own Matt Miller.

I won't presume to possess the depth of knowledge about all things NFL draft that those fine gentlemen do, but I've never let technicalities like my own stupidity stop me before, so here's a look at my guaranteed, mortal lock, 100-percent correct* picks for every team in the first round of this April's brouhaha in the Big Apple.

1. Indianapolis Colts: Andrew Luck, QB, Stanford: The Colts are bringing Luck in for a private workout, and while the "Griffin First" movement has gained some momentum, it would still be a huge upset if Luck isn't the first overall selection in the draft.

2. Washington Redskins (from St. Louis Rams): Robert Griffin III, QB, Baylor: The good news is that Redskins owner Daniel Snyder got the franchise quarterback he wanted. The bad news is that between the picks it took to get him, and the salary-cap penalties the NFL hammered Washington with, it may be some time before the Redskins can get the rest of the team built around him.

3. Miami Dolphins (from Minnesota Vikings): Ryan Tannehill, QB, Texas A&M: Given the Dolphins' desperately fruitless search for a quarterback this offseason, all it will take is a glimmer of the possibility that Tannehill won't make it to eighth overall to send Miami scrambling to move up in the draft, and the Vikings will be waiting to reap the rewards of the Dolphins' panic.

4. Arizona Cardinals (from Cleveland Browns): Matt Kalil, OT, USC: Trading down...all the cool kids do it! If Kalil is still on the board at No. 4, the Browns are apt to receive more than a few phone calls from teams interested in his services. Given that left tackle is one of the few positions Cleveland doesn't have a hole at, it would make sense for them to move down and stockpile picks here.

5. Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Morris Claiborne, CB, LSU: Cornerback Ronde Barber is approximately 93 years old, and Aqib Talib is facing trial on felony assault charges, so the Buccaneers need to continue to upgrade the secondary after adding Eric Wright in free agency.

6. St. Louis Rams (from Washington Redskins): Justin Blackmon, WR, Oklahoma State: In a perfect world, the Rams would love to see Matt Kalil fall into their laps, but new head coach Jeff Fisher will have to settle for getting quarterback Sam Bradford a new top target in the two-time Biletnikoff Award winner.

7. Jacksonville Jaguars: Quinton Coples, DE, North Carolina: Even with end Jeremy Mincey back in the fold, the Jaguars badly need to upgrade a moribund pass rush. So even though questions remain about Coples' motor, the 6'6", 281-pound senior's considerable physical gifts will be too much to pass up.

8. Minnesota Vikings (from Miami Dolphins): Riley Reiff, OT, Iowa: If the Vikings are able to both acquire additional draft picks and still acquire an upgrade over Charlie Johnson at left tackle, then the first day of the draft will have been very kind to the purple and gold.

9. Carolina Panthers: Dontari Poe, DT, Memphis: Memphis defensive tackle Dontari Poe was one of the stars of the NFL combine, running a sub-five-second 40-yard dash and excelling in the bench press. The 346-pound beefeater would provide a huge boost, literally and figuratively, to a putrid Carolina run defense.

10. Buffalo Bills: Michael Floyd, WR, Notre Dame: The signings of defensive ends Mario Williams and Mark Anderson in free agency affords the Bills some flexibility with their first-round pick. After paying quarterback Ryan Fitzpatrick a ton of money last season, Buffalo may look to upgrade the weapons around him on offense.

11. Kansas City Chiefs: Michael Brockers, DT, LSU: Although the Chiefs were able to address some needs in free agency, nose tackle is still a large (pardon the pun) void with Kelly Gregg, a 35-year-old free agent—Brockers would fill that gap quite nicely.

12. Seattle Seahawks: Melvin Ingram, DE, South Carolina: The Seahawks ranked in the bottom half of the National Football League in sacks last year, and could definitely use a bookend for Chris Clemons up front—Ingram would be a solid fit here.

13. Cleveland Browns (from Arizona Cardinals): Trent Richardson, RB, Alabama: As a Browns fan, this pick both terrifies and excites me, as while I salivate at the thought of Richardson chewing up yardage for Cleveland, I fear that upon hearing that he was drafted by the Browns, Richardson may punch himself in his hernia in frustration.

14. Dallas Cowboys: Dre Kirkpatrick, CB, Alabama: Roll Tide! Cornerback Dre Kirkpatrick will make it two Alabama stars in row when he's selected by the Cowboys, whose secondary was exposed badly for much of last season.

15. Philadelphia Eagles: Fletcher Cox, DT, Mississippi State: The trade for linebacker DeMeco Ryans seems to have solved at least part of the Eagles problems in the middle of their defense, but Philadelphia could still use an upgrade opposite Cullen Jenkins at defensive tackle.

16. New York Jets: Courtney Upshaw, OLB, Alabama: After trading for Tim Tebow, it's hard to say what goofiness the Jets might get up to next, but Gang Green needs to improve their pass rush and Upshaw has experience playing in the 3-4 from his time at Alabama.

17. Cincinnati Bengals (from Oakland Raiders): David DeCastro, OG, Stanford: Given the Bengals' need at the guard position, and the fact that two-time All-American David DeCastro is quite possibly the best prospect at that spot in years, this pick would be an absolute no-brainer, which is convenient since Mike Brown has...I'll let you finish that one.

18. San Diego Chargers: Whitney Mercilus, DE/OLB, Illinois: The Chargers failed to generate much of a pass rush in 2011 outside of linebacker Antwan Barnes, so adding the NCAA's 2011 sack king would seem to be a step in the right direction.

19. Chicago Bears: Cordy Glenn, OG, Georgia: The trade that reunited quarterback Jay Cutler and wide receiver Brandon Marshall lessened the Bears' need for a wideout somewhat, and Glenn is a mauling run-blocker who can help lead the way for Michael Bu...oops, I mean Matt Forte in the Windy City.

20. Tennessee Titans: Luke Kuechly, ILB, Boston College: The Titans are reportedly bringing Kuechly in for a visit even though they would seem to be set in the middle with youngster Colin McCarthy, which could be nothing more than due diligence. However, it might indicate a plan to bump either McCarthy or Kuechly, who led the nation with 191 tackles in 2011, outside.

21. Cincinnati Bengals: Janoris Jenkins, CB, North Alabama: Selecting the talented but troubled Jenkins in the first round is a pick fraught with peril, but the Bengals need help in the defensive backfield. The team has certainly been known to roll the dice on players with character concerns, and it's just too much fun to imagine a secondary with Jenkins and Pac-Man Jones.

22. Cleveland Browns (from Atlanta Falcons): Jonathan Martin, OT, Stanford: The Browns need playmakers on offense in the worst way imaginable, but the temptation of pairing Martin with Joe Thomas up front would likely be too much for team president Mike Holmgren to pass on.

23. Detroit Lions: Stephon Gilmore, CB, South Carolina: The Lions needed help in the secondary even before cornerback Eric Wright departed in free agency, and what was a pressing need has now become a gaping hole in the Detroit defense.

24. Pittsburgh Steelers: Dont'a Hightower, ILB, Alabama: The Steelers released veteran linebacker James Farrior and apparently have no intention of bringing him back, and Hightower's familiarity with the 3-4 defense would make his transition to the Steel City much smoother.

25. Denver Broncos: Kendall Wright, WR, Baylor: The Denver Broncos' signing of quarterback Peyton Manning turned the entire offseason on its forehead in the Mile High City, and it wouldn't be surprising at all to see the Broncos reward their shiny new signal-caller with a tasty new offensive weapon.

26. Houston Texans: Stephen Hill, WR, Georgia Tech: The Texans desperately need a wide receiver to complement Andre Johnson, and the 6'4" Hill has thrust himself into first-round consideration after tearing up the combine and Georgia Tech's pro day.

27. New England Patriots (from New Orleans Saints): Devon Still, DT, Penn State: The Patriots need help all over the defense, including in the front seven. The Big Ten Defensive Player of the Year possesses the versatility to play both end and tackle in the Patriots' multiple-fronts defense.

28. Green Bay Packers: Andre Branch, DE/OLB, Clemson: Many of the Packers' issues on defense can be traced back to a pass rush that ranked 27th in the NFL in sacks in 2011, and the addition of Branch opposite Clay Matthews would definitely be an upgrade in that regard.

29. Baltimore Ravens: Peter Konz, C, Wisconsin: Starter Matt Birk will apparently return for 2012, but at 35 years old, he's nearing the end of the line. Konz, the draft's best center prospect, could slide to guard until it's his time to snap the ball to Joe Flacco.

30. San Francisco 49ers: Coby Fleener, TE, Stanford: Fleener has established himself as the top tight end of this draft class after an outstanding pro day, and his old college coach could look to pair Fleener and Vernon Davis to create the sorts of matchup nightmares that Rob Gronkowski and Aaron Hernandez give opposing defenses for the New England Patriots.

31. New England Patriots: Mark Barron, SS, Alabama: The New England defensive backfield was an absolute mess in 2011, and with the top cornerback prospects off the board, Bill Belichick and company could look to address the back end of the secondary by selecting the draft's top safety in Barron, who racked up 66 tackles en route to being named an All-American last year.

32. New York Giants: Amini Silatolu, OT/OG, Midwestern State: The New York Giants offensive line has an average age of over 30, and the big man from the small school could provide depth at both tackle and guard, as he makes the transition from Division II to the National Football League.

*Except of course for the picks that are completely wrong. Obviously someone else wrote those.

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