The Media Circus

Throughout our time as sports fans, the phenomenon known as the media-on-athlete man crush has become an unfortunate staple for our normal viewing experience. It’s a well known fact that Dick Vitale loves all things Coach K and Duke, Tim Tebow makes everyone he spends time with a better person, and anyone with a media credential is smitten with Our Favre.

But what happens when the situation is reversed and the athlete has a crush on a media member? To be honest, we had never thought of the idea, but Louisville forward Terrence Williams would like to try it out as he apparently has a thing for ESPN analyst Jay Bilas.

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“Whenever I get to play basketball with my teammates, I’m happy. Seeing you (Bilas) on the sidelines and listening to you analyze games, I keep that in my mind when going to the hole. I’m like, ‘Man if I don’t make this lay-in, Jay Bilas is going to kill me.’”

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At this point, we’re looking for ESPN Original Entertainment to produce a reality dating show similar to The Bachelor(ette) in which Jay Bilas picks and chooses from a handful of players like Williams. Their levels of “blowbyability” and “shot-credibility” will dictate whether they can capture Bilas’ heart once and for all.

At which point, the Bilasstrator will break down the lucky player’s strengths and weaknesses, and the two will live happily ever after.###MORE###

Crap that actually came from somebody’s mouth

“Brent Musberger getting ready for tonight’s BCS Title Game as nobody else can.” - Jay Harris

If you’re wondering what that entails, it’s several martinis and a flask of Johnnie Walker.
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“A nail biter in every sense of the word.” - Greg Gumbel on the Ravens/Titans

Did you see Jeff Fisher chewing on Ed Reeds index nail? Gross stuff.
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“Sometimes you just got to stick it up in there.” - Daryl Johnston

Makes it much easier to penetrate the line.
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“I hate the phrase ’statement game’, but if there ever was one, this is it.” - Michael Wilbon, on the Celtics/Cavs

Wilbon hates to act like a real mainstream media person, but if there ever was one, he is it.
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“The field is in the best shape I’ve ever seen it - even in September.” - Phil Simms

Phil Simms has been educated in the field of botany, so don’t think of this comment as the typical “I know it all” Simms comment.
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“When you throw a spiral, it means you threw it right.” - Phil Simms

One of the hardest things to do at Media Circus headquarters is come up with appropriate responses for Phil Simms quotes. When we hear them live, we can’t wash off the arrogant stench with which the quote comes.
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“Without a question (Donovan McNabb) is (playing the best football of his career) … how he reads defenses. How he gets rid of the ball. The understanding of his offense.” - Merril Hoge

We had no idea that a 74 passer rating and two touchdowns to three interceptions in two playoff games was the best ball of McNabb’s career. Especially for a guy who rarely throws picks and is, in fact, the all time leader in interception percentage (2.09 percent).
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“Great piece of breaking tackles and running by (Chansi) Stuckey.” – Jim Nantz

Seriously, play-by-play announcers have pretty much created their own dialect at this point.

“We talked about Jim Haslett being a players coach.  The players really like him, they are playing for him.  The biggest problem that Jim Haslett has is that his team has lost nine in a row.” – Sam Rosen

We gotta be honest, having the players support when those players eventually led you to 10 consecutive losses to end the season, really doesn’t mean a whole hell of a lot.

Peter King’s Five Things (Cont’d)

Following the Colts Super Bowl XLI victory two years ago, Peter King put on a dynamic display of well, Peter King. It forced us to try and concisely pinpoint what it is that makes King’s MMQB columns so bizarre. We came up with five examples why King’s column is unbearable, which can also be described as part of the reason it entertains.

Following in that “tradition”, we decided to pull our dusty methodology off the shelf and re-apply it to the most recent addition of Monday Morning Quarterback.

1. Name Dropping - “Eli Manning had just been intercepted again by the Eagles with three minutes left in New Jersey late Sunday afternoon, and Philadelphia’s 23-11 upset of the Giants was sealed. Right about then, Ken Whisenhunt’s cell phone rang in his living room in Arizona.

“You are not only playing in the NFC Championship game next Sunday,” I said. “You are hosting the NFC Championship game next Sunday.”

Petey just couldn’t help it to announce to one and all that it was indeed he and only he who talked to Ken Whisenhunt. In fact, he was the first one to talk to him because he called him while the Giants/Eagles game was still going on. Take that, Glazer.

2. Over Dramatization - “Mitch Albom, you wrote a tremendous, moving, stirring story about Detroit in Sports Illustrated this week. The end, with the reaction of the theater crowd to Clint Eastwood’s “Gran Torino,” fit the story so well. Congratulations. That’s a must-read for fans of the teams of your city — and for fans of the American city. Any city.”

No way Albom wrote a tremendous, must-read piece. We’re not buying it.

3. Pontificating - “If you’re an aspiring journalist, learn to love the Web.”

The Poynter Institute of Journalism has pegged King as Ambassador of Coffee.

4. Random opinions on non football items - “These Uggs are everywhere”

Awesome because it comes out of nowhere and could also appear at bullet point No. 2.

5. Smoldering love affair with Brett Favre - “Has any quarterback had a worse playoff game than Delhomme’s five-interception, one-lost-fumble disaster Saturday night against Arizona? Unlikely. Brett Favre, in the 2001 playoffs, threw six picks against the Rams, but in that game, Favre was just throwing balls up throughout the second half trying to hit the lottery.

"Delhomme went 17 of 34 for 205 yards, with one garbage-time touchdown and the five picks, and only one of the turnovers came with the game legitimately out of hand. Here’s the amazing thing: You watch all five of those interceptions, and you’ll see that every one was thrown into something like double-coverage.”

This is quite the comment from old pal Pete. No way Favre’s 2001 playoff performance was worse than Delhomme’s. NO WAY! Just for a history refresher, though, let’s see if that’s the case. Favre threw his first pick of the game on the second drive of the game for a Rams touchdown.

All told, three of his picks were returned for touchdowns. Delhomme’s picks accounted for zero direct touchdowns. Also, while Favre threw three garbage time interceptions in the fourth, Delhomme threw two.

Considering the Packers were down by 14 to the Rams at half compared to Arizona’s 20 point halftime lead, King’s argument has lost its legs.

Oh, and that part about Delhomme throwing into “something like double-coverage” is top notch comedy.

MEDIA CIRCUS WARNINGS

The Media Circus Advisory Service would like to issue the following warnings to those who frequently consume sports media in any form.  Please review these thoroughly…

***Brett Favre’s Successor Has Been Selected***

As we indicated last week, all indicators pointed to it over the course of the last three Florida games of the season, and the Advisory Service has now officially issued an alert that Brett Favre: Volume 2 has been discovered in the form of Tim Tebow...

“I’ll admit it: I’m fully aboard the Tim Tebow bandwagon, and I couldn’t be happier that he’s returning for his senior year. In 10 years of covering this sport, I’ve never had so much fun watching a guy play — and I think it’s because of just how much fun he seems to be having.” – Stewart Mandel

He’s like a kid.

***BBWAA ridicule will be heavy over the next 48 hours***

The Baseball Writers Association of America elected Rickey Henderson and Jim Rice to the Hall of Fame this week.  As per annual tradition, the announcement will result in heavy doses of BBWAA ridicule possibly switching over to animosity or anger. 

Considering that two people actually voted for Jay Bell to make the Hall of Fame, it's safe to expect some outright mocking as well.

***New Football Catch Phrase Incoming***

The NFL is only to be called the “National Football League”, players are referred to as “football players”, getting defeated is referred to as “busting someone in the mouth”, careless quarterbacks are “gunslingers” and now our forecasters are predicting that the next hot cliche to make the rounds in NFL circles will be describing coaches and/or coaching candidates as “leaders of men”. 

It’s way more sophisticated than simply being a leader.  See St. Louis Post-Dispatch’s Bryan Burwell’s usage for reference:

“I smiled a lot because most NFL wise guys I’ve talked to say that those are four solid football men, four proven leaders of men.”

“They all fit within his publicly stated description of “meat and potatoes” football guys and strong leaders of men.”

Now back to your previously scheduled Circus.

Bob Carpenter Memorial Snappy Line

The Bobber will return next week.  Until then, he wants to remind you to…

The Media Circus is written by Josh Bacott and Patrick Imig.  They swear this stuff is real.  E-mail them at [e-mail]