Super Bowl XLVI: A Bizzare Picture of Americana

I met an awfully interesting person last weekend. His name was George. He was an exchange student from Europe, and—much to my disbelief—he had never watched a single Super Bowl in his entire life.

I repeat—he had NEVER watched a Super Bowl.

Struck by curiosity, I could not help but to watch as George took in the sights and sounds of one of America’s most beloved traditions for the very first time. He watched the classic commercials. He saw the shirtless, paint-covered men. He indulged in the endless food.

“What must be going through this kid’s head?” I thought as I gazed on.

“He has to be loving this!”

I was wrong. As George peered uncomfortably at the television I realized something that I had not before: while the actual football aspect of the Super Bowl may be exciting, the rest of the hoopla surrounding the game is utterly ridiculous. Super Bowl Sunday is a cherished tradition among American sports fans, but it’s also an outlandish representation of American culture.

While it’s easy to tilt our heads at some of the more unusual practices of dissimilar cultures, we often fail to realize that we,too, take part in some awfully odd behavior. In fact, had George been taking notes regarding his first Super Bowl experience, his notebook may have read something like this:

What I Learned From Watching the Super Bowl

• Football is a sport that involves 11 players on offense, 11 players on defense and a supermodel who sits in a press box hundreds of feet above the field.

• America is a nation that prides itself on free will, social equality and its ability to make commercials that star talking babies.

• People from the United States prefer their national anthems overdone and their 60-year-old pop stars under-dressed.

• Anyone in America can become a sex symbol, NASCAR drivers included.

• For whatever reason, the “Patriots” are one of the most hated groups of people in the entire United States.

• American women love American men, but American men love American beer.

From start to finish, George’s first Super Bowl experience must have been completely bizarre. Thinking he was going to spend the night watching an All-American sport with his new American friends, he must have been thrown off by the sight of suite-wearing monkeys and rescue dogs fetching beer at pool parties.

It may not have been clear to everyone last weekend, but the Super Bowl is not a Kelly Clarkson concert, an Egyptian fashion show or even a four-hour Budweiser advertisement. It’s a football game, and it’s about time we realize that.