Festivus for College Football Fans: Time To Air Our Grievances

It's time.

The airing of grievances shall now commence. Some of them are obvious, some a little more obscure. But the head honchos in charge of our beloved game need to take notice.

Either enforce the horse-collar rule all the time, or get rid of it. Some conferences call it with regular frequency, while others ignore it completely.

Nobody is on the same page on this. Nobody. Fix it, or ditch the rule.

Can fans shut up about their teams having a disadvantage of having to play in harsh weather?

Look, fair weather is an equalizer. Bad weather can be a hindrance in the passing game. While we are sure teams from the Midwest have played in some bad weather, so have teams in the West. Hard to believe, but we get rain and fog here, especially in the Northwest. It rains here more than you get snow on game day. Deal with it.

Honestly, how many times has it snowed during game day in Ann Arbor? The Great Blizzard of 1978 was the last time Ann Arbor called an official snow day, so frankly, we don't know what you are complaining about, and furthermore, last time we checked, it's hot in September everywhere, so quit pretending you don't know how to play in heat.

Will networks please dump any commentator/analyst who refers to a team they are talking about as "we" or "us?"

Lou Holtz refers to Notre Dame as "we." OK, we get it. He loves his school. But didn't he also coach at Minnesota and South Carolina? Look, good for Lou for loving his school, but it's nauseating to listen to a college football analyst not even hide where his bias lies.

Add Philip Fulmer to the list. Ex- Tennessee coach Phil referred to Florida as "we" when he said, (paraphrased) "We...Florida has a good chance if they do that (referring to the defense)." What the heck? Did Fulmer even go to Florida? Nope. Didn't coach there either. He has coached at Tennessee, Vanderbilt and Wichita State. The "we" must be referring to the conference.

If you ask a coach to be a guest on a show and give his expert opinion on which he thinks is a better team or which will win, doesn't  the "we" reference kind of destroy all of his credibility for being unbiased?

Preseason rankings should be banished from football forever.

Did we not learn anything from Utah or Clemson? One was vastly overrated, one underrated. Too many times teams are given lofty rankings while gorging their way through cupcakes. No ranking should come out before week six, as by that time, at least one conference game will have been played. Want proof?

This is the rankings list for Week Five in college football: 1. Oklahoma, 2. Alabama, 3. LSU, 4. Missouri, 5. Texas, 6. Penn State, 7. Texas Tech, 8. BYU, 9. USC, 10. South Florida. Auburn, by the way, was ranked ahead of Utah.

Preseason polls were even worse. LSU, Mizzou, West Virginia, Auburn, Clemson, Wisconsin, Kansas, Arizona State, and Ohio State were all ranked in the top 15. Hoo-rah. Utah wasn't ranked in the top 30.

Stop the madness.

No broadcast media analyst or or commentator should post how he will rank the teams under any circumstances.

Thank you, Kirk Herbstreit, for making college football more popular than ever. But as a voter, it is too controversial for you to post your rankings unless every voter does it. Some voters haven't even watched all the games, and may be influenced by that list.

Furthermore, posting your rankings at 10 p.m. PST—when some West Coast teams aren't even done with their games—takes them out of the equation. Had you stayed up to watch some Boise State or Utah games, perhaps they would have gotten more respect before it was too late?

Your and Corso's suggestions that all Pac-10 teams should have their games scheduled by noon so everyone can watch them is hilarious. It's dang hot out here until October—if LSU schedules their games late in the afternoon to take away the heat as a factor, why can't the Pac-10? Here's another thought—why can't YOU stay up and watch the games since it's YOUR job to fairly analyze ALL games?

The Rose Bowl needs to get rid of one of the auto-berths, and the other team have an autoberth in the new stadium in Texas.

I'll start it off- the Big Ten can have Pasadena and the Pac-10 can have the new Cowboys' stadium as its new bowl. Or vice-versa. Bring on another bowl and get the format of two autoberths in one bowl ditched permanently.

To hell with tradition—everyone complained about the BCS Bowls changing tradition and now it's part of our routine. Humans adapt. Go for it.

Pass interference penalty should be marked at the spot of the foul.

How obvious is this one? If a team is making a last ditch comeback and throws a bomb from its own 20 with thirty seconds left and interference is called, they get the ball at their own 35 and a first down. Meanwhile, if the ball had been caught on their opponents' 30, the offense would have plenty of time to score from that position.

The only team that benefits from a pass interference call with little time left is usually the defense-that's why they do it intentionally. Fifteen yards marched off is better than a touchdown, isn't it?

Any team that schedules an FCS team on its schedule should not be eligible for a national championship game or any bowl.

For crying out loud, if you want to be declared the best team in FBS football, then schedule all FBS teams. Numerous teams had TWO FCS teams on their schedule—Clemson, Texas Tech, Kentucky (one was a probationary FBS team) and Florida State.

Kentucky is a prime example of what is wrong with the bowl system (sorry Wildcats, you have great fans, but your season was ridiculous). The Wildcats did not beat one team with a winning record, and scheduled these teams on its non-conference slate: Norfolk State, Western Kentucky (probationary), Louisville, and Middle Tennessee State.

The Wildcats went 2-6 in their conference—TWO AND SIX—beating only Miss. State and Arkansas, two teams with losing records and who had a combined record of 9-15. Add the fifth and sixth wins to their 4-0 cupcake wins and Voila! Bowl eligibility.

Nobody is fooled by this padding of schedule, yet some conferences point with pride at how their conference has eight or nine teams in bowls. Yup, we are impressed.

It really doesn't matter that Kentucky beat their CUSA opponent in a bowl—they should have never been playing in one in the first place. Bowls should be rewards for good play, not beating FCS teams and teams with losing records.

Big Ten, Big 12, SEC and USC fans need to stop their whining and/or bragging.

Shut up, USC fans. Seriously. Quit babbling about how you deserve to be No. 1. The only team that has a clear case for No. 1 is undefeated Utah. Period. Yes, like Texas, Penn State, Texas Tech and maybe Boise State, you all had a legitimate argument for why you should have been considered more for the title game. But that doesn't make you No. 1.

Shut up SEC fans. If you're gonna go around blabbing about how your conference won two NC's in a row, then recognize that you did it beating the same overrated team that some other teams have beat—Ohio State.

Bag on Ohio State, but it diminishes your victory. Bag on USC for beating a Big Ten team, and it takes all credibility away from the LSU and Florida victories—after all, if it's no big deal beating a Big Ten team, then what are you bragging about?

Shut up, Big 12 fans. The BCS didn't put the screws to you, your conference did. Mack Brown hates the BCS, so why his own conference made the BCS the tie-breaker rule is irony at its best. But there's more—please stop making the OU 70, Florida 10 predictions. Hasn't Stoops' last four BCS Bowls taught you anything?

Shut up, Big Ten fans. My goodness, the whining over you guys always having to play better teams is ridiculously comical. If you would show up and play against a fast team, we wouldn't be having this argument.

The whining over you always having to travel to Pasadena is old, too. In the 1950s you won nine out of the 10 games in that decade. From 1988 to 2000, the Big Ten won nine out of 13 Rose Bowls. It wasn't an issue then, so quit making it one now.

Since some conferences feel that when one of their teams wins an NC, the whole conference won the trophy, the FedEX CEO should take a monster ice pick and chisel that crystal ball into 12 separate pieces at the trophy presentation and hand one piece to each team's AD from either the Big 12 or SEC. After all, it's their championship, too.

Let's see how that goes over. I'm sure Oklahoma would love to hand over a chunk of their crystal to Iowa State, Kansas State and Baylor, or Florida hand over some to Mississippi State, Tennessee and Auburn. After all, they earned it. They're part of the conference, and the conference "won" it.

The transitive theory in football (if team A is better than team B, and team B is better than team C, then that proves team A will beat C or is better than C) rarely works in college football. Neither does team A loses to team B and team B loses to team C, so team C is the best.

Proof No. 1: Oklahoma is team A, Texas Tech is team B, Texas is team C.

Oklahoma beat Texas Tech who beat Texas, but Oklahoma didn't beat Texas. Texas beat Oklahoma.

Proof No. 2: USC is Team A, Oregon State is team B, Penn State is team C.

USC got beat by Oregon State, and Oregon State got beat by Penn State, but Penn State didn't beat USC. Just because a team beats you doesn't mean that the team who beat the team you lost to is better.

Any fan who starts saying their team "would beat another team by a (insert number here) points" when those teams don't play each other should be taken behind the woodshed and flogged.

Just how dumb does it look to make stupid arguments based on something that CANNOT be proved? Furthermore, Ole Miss beating Texas Tech, Georgia Tech beating Georgia, Oregon State beating USC, Iowa beating Penn State, Ole Miss beating Florida and App State beating Michigan all prove that anything can happen in college football. Shut up already.

If Ohio State tanks it in the Fiesta Bowl, there needs to be an immediate cease and desist on autoberths and the maximum of two BCS Bowl berths per conference.

I know it hurts, but dang it, sometimes reality bites. The only reason why Ohio State is in the Fiesta Bowl is because a conference can't have more than two teams in BCS Bowls. Boise State and Texas Tech lost out because the Big 12 already had two teams in BCS Bowls and a non-BCS team can only send one team.

Ohio State, as co-champs of the Big Ten, found themselves in a hornet's nest through no fault of their own, but still...when you're co-champs of a BCS conference, shouldn't you show up in big games? Please, Buckeyes, please, don't embarrass the Big Ten, or you're going to get hammered.

The Orange Bowl was a joke.

Did you see all of the orange empty seats? It was a colossal embarrassment for the BCS and proof that guaranteed bowl berths for conference champions are the death of legitimacy in college football.

The BCS Bowls will be PPV in a couple of years.

No one is dumb enough to believe that the rates ESPN charges cable companies will stay the same after that monster bid they made to get the rights to the BCS Bowls was accepted. Whether it's actual PPV per game, or a substantial rise in our cable subscription rates passed on by the cable companies, we, the football fan will be paying for it and the monopoly on college football will have been completed.

No wonder Keith Jackson left college football. Between the BCS, monster bids to get BCS Bowls and the politicking of sports experts, it's enough to make you hurl. Take us with you, Keith.

Any college football game ending after 9 p.m. EST should be re-broadcast the following day at a decent midday time so that it can be watched (can you hear me, voters?) by any interested parties.

If nothing else, more fans would be introduced to Western football. Let's face it, at 9 a.m., the West Coast is watching Eastern and Southern football games and by the time some of our 7 p.m. games start, y'all are in bed.

The Dr. Lou thing isn't working.

Love his sense of humor, but the Dr. Lou thing is getting old and corny. Maybe ESPN could fill the time slot by having everyone be opposite of themselves for five minutes?

Think of the possibilities: Mark May would have a man-crush on UCLA, Lou Holtz would be referring to the USC Trojans as "us", Herbstreit would be a Big East fan, Corso would have to hold a Bic pen instead of a Ticonderoga pencil in his hand and Rece Davis and Chris Fowler would actually have to pick a team instead of just holding down the fort.

CBS makes a deal with the SEC, so now we are forced to watch SEC games or Notre Dame on two of the big three networks.

This mean we have to choose between Notre Dame and Nevada or one of the following compelling games in the SEC: Florida vs. Charleston Southern, Alabama vs. Va. Tech, Arkansas vs. Missouri STATE, Miss. St. vs. Jackson State, LSU vs. Washington, Ole Miss vs. Memphis, Georgia vs. Oklahoma State, Kentucky vs. (insert any directional school here), South Carolina vs. NC State, Tennessee vs. Western Kentucky, or Vandy vs. Western Carolina.

Hopefully, CBS picks one of the two obvious decent games—Bama vs. Va. Tech or Georgia vs. Oklahoma State, and, by gosh, we're sure ESPN will pick up the other.

Pac-10 fans (is there such a thing?) need to stifle the 5-0 chants.

Oh boy, you can't stand it when other conferences bandwagon on a conference, but look who's starting it up now? Congrats, you have reduced yourself to the level of other football conference fans who latch on to a conference because they could possibly have inferiority complexes.

Any Washington (0-12) or Washington State (2-11) fan who yells "5-0" should be forced to watch replays of their games against USC in 2008—69-0 and 56-0—as a reminder as to just where they contributed in that 5-0 Pac-10 bowl record. Capiche?

The Festivus pole is up, it's time for feats of strength and airing of grievances. Let the airings begin!