Jimmie Johnson Awarded 2009 Championship to Cut Costs (Satire)

NASCAR Chairman Brian France announced this morning that the league has decided to crown Jimmie Johnson the 2009 Sprint Cup Series Champion before the first race is even run.

During a press conference this morning France said, “While we know many fans across the nation will be disappointed in our decision, we have decided it’s the ultimate way to save money this year.”

NASCAR has been struggling in recent years as the economy worsens. Several teams have already shut their doors. Others have been forced into mergers to keep the doors open for another year.

Dale Earnhardt Inc. has already merged with two different teams. Following the 2007 season, DEI acquired Ginn Racing and became a four-car operation. After 2008, the team was forced to merge with Ganassi, hoping to have sponsors to field four cars.

France told fans not to worry about the upcoming season, because some races will still take place.

“We plan to hold the Daytona 500 and at least four other races this year,” France told reporters Saturday morning. "I know we could still have a championship run with those five races, but let’s face it, we all know Jimmie Johnson will probably win at least three or four of them anyway, right?”

France only spent about five minutes at the podium and fielded no questions from reporters.

Following the press conference, France sat down with the Bleacher Report for an exclusive interview.

When asked what happened to the sport that at one point was the fastest growing in the world, France said he didn’t know.

“We went away from our roots,” France said. “It was a mistake I wish could go back and change. You know, we changed the cars, took the races away from some of the sports’ first race tracks, we just went against everything that got us where we were.”

France said he felt the league had to do so to take it to the next level.

“Things appeared to be leveling off, so we thought we had to change things to get above that mark. Turns out, we changed things for the worse, I guess.”

Plans for the 2009 season are to re-evaluate the racing league and see what can be done to bring fans back to the tracks.

The Bleacher Report caught up with some drivers and asked their opinions on the announced news.

“I think it’s great,” said Dale Earnhardt Jr. “I was tired of racing 36 weekends anyway, five…that’s awesome.”

When asked if he cared that Johnson had been named the champion before the season even opened, Earnhardt shrugged, “We all kind of figured it’d happen again anyway, so who cares?”

Tony Stewart didn’t take the news quite so well.

“It’s bull-[crap],” he told reporters. “Just because Johnson won it three times in a row doesn’t mean he would have won it this year. I really feel good going into 2009 and think we have…we had a shot to win a championship.”

Stewart of course enters the year as a first-time owner, having taken over Haas CNC Racing.

While the move may be a radical one to cancel 31-of-36, it appears France has things on track to try and bring the sport back full-throttle in 2010.

*This report is obviously completely fictional and meant to be funny during a tough time to find NASCAR articles to write. And yes...I got this idea from the writer who had the "breaking news" story about Oklahoma forfeiting the national championship game.

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This article also appears on my blog: Sports101