Good news, Leaf fans! Brian Burke is a genius!
Have you ever really looked at Brian Burke's hair? It bears a striking resemblance to a certain German-born theoretical physicist by the name of Albert.
Oh sure, Brian Burke may comb his hair on a regular basis, but did you see it up in that press box when the Maple Leafs dropped into 29th place in the 2009-2010 season? Huh? Did you?
The resemblance was uncanny!
Need further proof?
Albert Einstein died in 1955, just two and a half months prior to the birth of Toronto Maple Leafs President and General Manager Brian Burke!
I know! It's been right in front of our eyes this whole time.
With all of Leafs Nation searching desperately for a clue as to what the man has been working on for this upcoming season, I took it upon myself to sneak into the long, dark, empty hallways of the Air Canada Center.
Sneaking by a very statuesque security guard and a strange-looking janitor sleeping on the job, I started looking for something - anything - that might shed some light on his future plans for the season of 2011-2012.
I found something beyond my wildest dreams! Stashed away in the boiler room, under a tarp, I noticed something very peculiar.
It was some sort of contraption with the words "Truculence X-2011" etched across the front.
And then it hit me.
That's not a security guard! It's a life-sized cardboard cut-out of Pat Burns dressed up as a Police Officer!
That wasn't a janitor! That was John Ferguson! OK, maybe he WAS a janitor, but that's beside the point.
And that's not a water-heater!
It's a time machine!
All of this Brad Richards talk has simply been a cover-up to distract us from what is really going on here!
Let's take a look at our roster for the 2011-2012 season and see who Brian Burke has signed.