Mardy Fish Begins Courageous Farewell Tour at 2015 US Open

NEW YORK — He was playing in the same tennis tournament, the U.S. Open, from which he walked away almost three years ago to the date. Mardy Fish was back as much to be the role model he couldn't find in others as to write a chapter of a story he conceded is about to end.

On Sept. 3, 2012, Fish, then one of America's best and the 23rd seed in that Open, pulled out of a fourth-round match against Roger Federer, saying it was for "precautionary measures" and on doctor's orders. Fish had missed two-and-a-half months of the season because of an irregular heartbeat and in May had undergone a medical procedure.

But it wasn't his heart that was the trouble that day—it was his thinking. He was tortured by what is called anxiety disorder.

"It's where your mind takes over," Fish said Monday, "and usually goes into the future and sort of predicts what you think is going to happen, and usually it's bad stuff."

There was good stuff for him on the Grandstand court on a terribly humid first day of the 2015 Open. What might have been his last competitive match was not, as Fish, 33, defeated Marco Cecchinato of Italy, 6-7 (5), 6-3, 6-1, 6-3.

In a sport that, along with golf, puts the focus, and the pressure, on the individual, Fish said he was playing not only for himself but for others—millions of Americans—who suffer from anxiety and feel they are very much alone.

Zack Greinke, the Los Angeles Dodgers pitcher, has social anxiety disorder, which is a fear of social situations.

"There are not many who have what I have," Fish said, "and sort of let it be known they are having problems. That was one of the reasons why it helps me to talk about it. It helps me personally.

"And then, secondly, when I was going through the whole process—I'm a huge sports fan—I was looking for a role model or someone who had beaten it or had success with it and was able to come back and be successful or just come back and play again. I couldn't find that person out there. That's another reason."

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Now, Fish is that person. The demons will always be there, but with medication and knowledge, they can be controlled.

Like many of us, Fish was a worrier—but in excess. Did he practice too much? Or not practice enough? Did he eat the wrong food before a match? Was he going to oversleep? Despite the fears, he ascended, in 2011, to seventh in the world rankings.

Then in the 2012 Open, he beat Gilles Simon in a third-round match that ended after 1 a.m. on a Sunday morning. The anxiety hit hard. Even though the Federer battle was a day-and-a-half away, Fish was terrified and pulled out. On a plane back to California, he had another attack while still on the ground, was allowed to disembark and spent $20,000 for a private plane.

This Open then provides a sense of closure.

"This tournament is where it all came crashing down," he said. "Where I had the worst feelings of my whole life was here. You know that's a tough thing at my favorite tournament. So, I sort of desperately wanted to come back and change that narrative."

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In a way, he has. His memories of the Open, our memories of Fish, will no longer be of a disappearing act but rather of a return, and so far it's a successful one.

"My life is back," Fish said, "and I can do normal things again."

In tennis, he could fall behind and win again. As he did against Cecchinato.

"I knew it was going to be hot," Fish said. "I knew it was going to be humid. Those are conditions I used to absolutely love. ... But you know, what I have had to deal with—I was super anxious about the weather and how I was going to deal with it. I figured if I lost the first set, it was really going to be a long day, and I can't push myself through.

"And I got through it. I knew I was playing fine. It was just a matter of going. Was my body going to hold up? Was I going to hold up? There are a lot of things that most players out there don't have to deal with that I have to deal with in those circumstances."

After losing the first set, Fish talked to himself, persuaded himself everything would work out. And it did.

"That comes from learning from every experience and episode that I have had," he explained during a post-match media session that lasted more than 20 minutes. "A struggle that I have had.

"Three years ago, that would have been really tough. I have come a long way and worked really hard with it. I don't take it for granted. I'm glad I got through it."

And by doing so, Fish may enable others to also get through it.

Art Spander, an award-winning columnist, has covered more than 50 Grand Slams in his career. Unless otherwise noted, all quotes were obtained firsthand.