A Comprehensive Look at Why The Cubs Suck

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A Comprehensive Look at Why The Cubs Suck
(Photo by Jonathan Daniel/Getty Images)


I’m finally ready to get back to my Cubs coverage, I’m sorry that it took so long, but I finally have everything set up in my dorm but first, it’s been a while, how about a little update on how the writer is doing (shameless promotion time, if you don’t care, skip down a few paragraphs).

I was asked by Bleacher Report to do an article on Michael Jordan, and I got the first six bottles of Jordan Gatorade produced, check it out if you can here.

I am also going to be part of the new and exciting Fan Huddle. It is launching Sep. 10th of this season. Everything looks outstanding and there are a ton of dedicated writers who can fill you in on any team you want.

If you want to check out my writing I will be doing fantasy basketball analysis for the NBA Central Division. To read any of my work there, go to FanHuddle.com any date after Sep. 10th.

Now on to Cubs analysis. I will start by giving my thoughts on the team in two words.

They suck.

Now, on to why they suck.

Most recently, they suck because they couldn’t even do what they prided themselves on directly after the All-Star Break. You will recall that they beat up on the lowly Nationals and Reds, then lost two of three the strong Phillies.

Last night, they got straight up run by the Nats, losing by a final of 15-6. Really? The Nationals beat a team 15-6? In fact, it was the most runs the Nationals have scored all season, and they did so against our “ace” Carlos Zambrano.

Come on Big Z, your ERA rose from 3.35 to 3.80 in one game, just 4.1 innings, and in August. That number should never jump that high this late in the season. But that’s what happens when you allow eight runs in just over four innings.

But it wasn’t just last night, since their magical 14-5 start to the second half that saw them even take the lead in the division, they have been just plain awful, going 5-13, and dropping to nine games out of the lead in the division and eight and a half games out of the Wild Card.

They lost two of three to the horrible Padres, and three of four to the struggling Dodgers. So there has to be a reason for all of this horrible play right? Lets take a look at the people who are to blame for this.

Kevin Gregg is the biggest reason for the recent downfall in my opinion. Unlike a starting pitcher, a loss means that he did something wrong and screwed up the game. He has three losses this month compared to just two saves. No closer should ever, ever, ever have more losses than saves for an entire month.

Even his one win this month came after he blew a save, which, in my opinion, should not be counted for a win, so excluding that win, lets take a look at his stats for the month of August. 0-3, 9.00 ERA, two saves, three blown saves, nine K, five home runs against. That’s our closer, but at least he is only ruining us for $4,200,000.

But our closing pitcher isn't the only one to blame here, lets start playing the blame game with some other players who, well, deserve it.

Let’s pick on Milton Bradley A.K.A The Lefty Bat to Put the Cubs Over the Top. Sure, he went 4-4 last night with a home run, but that home run made the game 12-5, hardly an important knock. We also can’t overlook the goose-egg he laid in the hit column against the Dodgers. Four games not a single hit.

Last night was also his last multi-hit game since Aug. 11th when he went 2-6 against the Phillies. One multi-hit game every two weeks doesn’t cut it in the majors, especially when we are paying you $7,000,000 (I type out the zeroes so you can see just how much this man is draining from the Cubs).

However, just because Bradley is new doesn’t mean that he is the biggest drain on the Cubs' wallet. Just look at Alfonso Soriano, the $17,000,000 mistake (see the recurring theme).

Soriano hasn’t had a multi-hit game since Aug. 7th, and he is still on that streak. But the more important streak for Soriano is his hitless streak. He hasn’t gotten a hit since Aug. 20th, although he has been injured for two of those games, he is still on a three game hitless streak.

Now he is officially day-to-day and it seems like he has tendinitis. However, his absence may help the team more than it hurts it. He is batting .157 this month without a single home run (a streak that goes back to Jul. 29th) and just four RBI.

John Grabow and Tom Gorzelanny, you have been great since you came to the Cubs. Grabow, you still haven’t allowed a run since putting on a Cubs uniform. Gorzelanny, you have had two bad starts, but add in your three good ones and you’re doing better than most wearing Cubbie blue.

Sorry you couldn’t get to play for a contender like you thought you would.

Randy Wells, Micah Hoffpauir, Jake Fox, Jeff Baker, Aramis Ramirez, Koyie Hill, Derek Lee and Ted Lilly, you did all you could to keep this broken ship from sinking. Sorry you had to be here for such a disappointing season.

-Joe Willett


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