For this assignment I had the pleasure of pretending to interview one of the most decorated and long-standing members of the San Francisco 49ers.
Yes that’s right, No. 86 in your program (but No. 1 in our hearts). The man whose notoriously humorous roster photos are more resembling of the “Your Brain On Drugs” poster-children that graced the walls of my middle school principle office than an elite NFL athlete.
He is the best athlete that any non-49er fan has never heard of, the Michael Jordan of his craft. This man is San Francisco 49ers' long-snapper extraordinaire Brian Jennings, the most underrated player in the NFL. He’s the underrated of the underrated.
1) At what point did you know that you were destined to become an NFL long snapper?
2) If you could snap the ball to any current, former, or hypothetical punter/holder in the NFL, who would it be?
3) You’ve been known to teach a yoga class or two in your free time, what’s your favorite yoga pose? If you could make up a fictitious yoga position, what would it entail, and better yet, what would you call it?
4) Seeing as you were an All-Region Honorable Mention Tight End at Red Mountain High School, do you ever find yourself itching to haul in an NFL pass or two?
5) This question has multiple parts, so bear with me. If you could recreate yourself in the Madden Football franchise video game”:
a) Which player attribute stat would you excel in?
b) Which player attribute stat would you lack?
c) What player attribute stat would you add to the video game?
d) Do you have anything you want to get off your chest to the franchise developers?
6) What was your “Welcome to the NFL moment”?
7) Having recorded an impressive 44 special teams tackles in your career, what would you say was your most memorable NFL hit?
8) Shawne Merriman does his “Lights Out” celebration following a sack. Deion Sanders high-stepped into the end zone. Merton Hanks had the “Funky Chicken” for every interception. Jamal Anderson did the “Dirty Bird.” Do you have any trademark celebration for a successful long snap? If no, what would it be? What do/would you call it?
9) Given the BALCO scandal that surrounded the Bay Area during Bond’s time with the Giants and the recent suspension of prominent NFL athletes following positive tests for steroids, do you suspect any fellow long-snappers to be using the juice?
10) What is something that most NFL fans don’t know about you? (besides perhaps you)
Thank you for your time and flawless performance over the last 10 years. Thanks to your consistency and the arrival of Joe Nedney and Andy Lee, never again will I wake up in cold sweats shouting the names of Jose Cortez, Owen Pochman, or any other 49er special teams player.... Not in a negative way at least.