"Last night, around 7:30, a man sneezed on his way out of the store, and the Wade cutout hit the floor hard," said John Edwards, the manager at the store. "I wasn't sure what happened, but I didn't hear a whistle, so I don't know what he was trying to do just laying there."
This isn't the first injury report at T-Mobile retailers around the city, as Wade cutouts have been having a tough week, it seems. Sneezes, mosquitoes, strong breezes, even loud noises have all been linked to cutouts going down.
"It has been terrible; we're losing cutouts left and right, and for some reason, all of these incidents have come in the close vicinity of customers wearing striped shirts," says Matt Freije, a junior representative at one store. "It is taking a toll, and it definitely isn't helping the team."
While some may find these occurrences to just be a coincidence, perhaps something more is at work here?
Esteban Batista, a frequent customer of one T-Mobile location, says this isn't the first time he has run into trouble at a T-Mobile store. "Just a few months ago, I bumped into a Charles Barkley cardboard cutout, and for the rest of the day, I stank of whiskey. It was weird.
"But that wasn't the end of it; after I bumped into it, I went to checkout, and when I turned around, the cutout was gone, along with my car!"
In order to combat the bad luck the Wade displays have had, T-Mobile has hired former NBA referee Tim Donaghy.
"I'll make sure that these Wade advertisements are given the fair treatment they deserve; I'll protect the integrity of the store, you can bet on that," Donaghy said this morning when we ran into him behind the store rolling dice.
When asked about the odd happenings surrounding his carboard likeness, Dwyane Wade said he was insulted.
"I am Dwyane Wade. If my cutouts are falling over, obviously they are being manhandled. If this goes on any further, I may have to send Jamaal (Magloire) over there to protect them," said Wade.
But for now, T-Mobile will have to wait out the storm, thought at least one employee thinks they need to change spokesmen.
"I would love to have a Zaza cutout in the store, those would never fall down. Sure, they may not be as attractive, but nobody would dare knock it over," said Donta Smith, assistant manager in charge of promotion.
Here's to you, Dwyane. I hope you aren't insulted.