Once upon a time, there was a Montreal Canadien by the name of Mike Ribeiro.
Bob Gainey, the general manager of the Canadiens, did not care much for Ribeiro or his alleged divisive behavior within the team’s locker room, with him and best friends Jose Theodore and Pierre Dagenais forming an exclusive clique of well-coifed Francophones that threatened his long-since-receded hairline, English as a first language and happiness in general.
So, Gainey sought out the help of an evil wizard to make them pay. Realizing there was no such thing as wizards, he then did the next-best thing: He disbanded the Three Amigos (yes, they were actually called the Three Amigos) himself.
He banished Dagenais to the minors never to return and dealt Theodore to the Colorado Avalanche for a magical slice of Swiss cheese that was somehow made up of more holes than cheese. To complete his plan, he then traded Ribeiro for an all-too-lifelike, talking statue of an NHL defenseman.
His plan now complete, his thirst for revenge now quenched, Gainey realized far too late that slices of cheese could not stop pucks, statues could not score (or move), and the stench of Dagenais would never completely dissipate in the Bell Centre.
He also watched in horror as Ribeiro went on to score over 400 points over the next few seasons as a Dallas Star, including quite a few pretty goals. Where oh where did he go wrong? More importantly, how, oh how would he make this right?
…Skip a few acts where everything works out for the best…
And they all lived happily ever after. The end.