The Devils Wear Bauer (Not Prada): The Sean Avery Movie

What has the hockey super-pest Sean Avery been doing since he got suspended by NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman and not invited back by his team, the Dallas Stars?

Aside from collecting his multi-million salary for doing nothing, he’s plotting a comeback with his Hollywood agent, Pat Morris, and there’s a movie in the works with New Line Cinema.           

The movie will be based on Avery’s internship at Men’s Vogue last summer, after starring with the New York Rangers, where he annoyed the New Jersey Devils goalie, Martin Brodeur, so much the NHL created The Avery Rule to keep pesky players away from opposition goalies.
          
Will the Avery movie be a sequel to The Devil Wears Prada?
           
Will it be called The Devils Wear Bauer? Or Cooper, CCM, of whatever kind of equipment the New Jersey Devils prefer?
           
Or does Avery wear designer hockey equipment?
           
Does Prada make jockstraps?
           
If you pester the super-pest about his interest in fashion, he promises to kick your butt with very expensive shoes that match his belt and shirt.
           
Will the movie feature Avery’s former girlfriends? Is there a role for Playboy and Sports Illustrated swimsuit model Rachel Hunter or supermodel and actress Elisha Cuthbert, who plays Kim on the hit TV series called 24?
           
Will Sean Avery battle Jack Bauer?
           
Will the film feature the fight between Avery and Phaneuf that hockey fans were denied when Avery gave the interview that got him hit from behind by the NHL?
           
Would we pay to see that?
           
Sure, Avery said a bad, bad thing, like something out of Mike Myers’ hockey movie, The Love Guru, starring Justin Timberlake and Jacques "Le Coq" Grande.
           
Meanwhile, hockey players continue to get away with murder, or at least aggravated assault, on the ice, while Avery is off.
           
Maybe the movie will tell Avery’s life story, starting in Pickering, the home of Canada’s biggest nuclear reactor, and make some kind of connection between atomic power and Sean Avery’s explosive on-ice personality.
           
The film could show Avery starting to play hockey in Coal Harbour, Nova Scotia, before Sidney Crosby made it famous.
           
It has to include the fight between Crosby and Avery that’s on Youtube.
           
Avery is the only NHL-er getting more attention than

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