The NHL's 25 Biggest Fighting Fails of the Season

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Unlike boxers, mixed martial artists and Chuck Norris, hockey players don’t necessarily receive training on how to fight. 

Enforcers might receive some training once it becomes clear that they might be able to make the NHL, but almost everyone else fights on instinct alone, which (due to a lack of knowledge) can sometimes have hilarious results. 

Here are some examples taken from this season to add to the book on “How Not To Fight.” Enjoy. 

 

All of the footage in this article has been taken from the YouTube Channel of Hockeyfights.com. The author would like to express his thanks.

Tom Sestito vs. Brandon Dubinsky

If you love someone, never let them go. Isn’t that how the cliché goes? 

If so, Brandon Dubinsky must really love Tom Sestito.

Kyle Clifford vs. Tim Gleason

Want a quick, easy way to win a hockey fight? You don’t even need to throw a punch—just hip toss your opponent to the ice like Tim Gleason. 

Simple and effective.

Derick Brassard vs. Dan Boyle

In a fight that pretty much sums up this year’s season for the Columbus Blue Jackets, Derick Brassard slips on his stick and spends the entire fight on his knees, absorbing blow after blow from Dan Boyle.

Chris Stewart vs. Brad Stuart

“My name is Chris Stewart. You killed my teammate. Prepare to die!”

Cody McLeod vs. Mark Bell

Cody McLeod throws two punches in this bout; Mark Bell throws just one. Other than that, it’s basically just one big hug. 

Everyone needs a hug once in a while, even big bad angry hockey players.

Joe Finley vs. Ryan Reaves

You’ve gotta give Joe Finley a little bit of credit in this one, he tried really hard. Unfortunately, he gets four misses before Ryan Reaves brings him down.

Better luck next time, Joe.

Joe Pavelski vs. Keith Ballard

Joe Pavelski should stick to scoring goals. He’s clearly overmatched here in taking on heavyweight Keith Ballard, who serves a healthy portion of knuckle sandwich back to him.

Daniel Paille vs. Ed Jovanovski

Not one punch connected in this fail of a fight between Daniel Paille and Ed Jovanovski. They looked like they were really angry at each other, though. That’s a start at least.

Derek Engelland vs. Pierre-Cedric Labrie

To sum it up, here’s Pierre-Cedric Labrie’s strategy in this fight: Grab onto Derek Engelland like it’s nobody’s business, take a bunch of punches to the head, then grab him again. 

Time to go back to the drawing board, Mr. Labrie.

Francois Beauchemin vs. Sam Gagner

This fight happened seven games before Sam Gagner’s eight-point outburst on February 2^nd against the Chicago Blackhawks, so perhaps getting pummeled by Francois Beauchemin made him realize why he was drafted into the NHL. 

Also, hearing the announcers urge the referees to end the fight in this clip is pretty funny.

Eric Tangradi vs. Erik Gudbranson

Eric Tangradi wins this bout by a landslide, considering that he was the only one to throw a punch. 

Feeling like you’ve wasted 25 seconds of your life by watching this clip (assuming that you stopped watching just after this pathetic fight ends) is entirely understandable. Then again, think about the people sitting in the stands who paid good money to watch that disaster.

Maxim Lapierre vs. Roman Polak

This isn’t a fight. It’s just Roman Polak beating up Maxim Lapierre for his lunch money.

Josh Green vs. Steve Ott

Josh Green and Steve Ott are having a competition here to see who can drag the other to the ground first. Green wins. That’s about it.

Adam Hall vs. Matt Carkner

The camera angle view for this fight is a perfect way for us to see Adam Hall’s futile attempts at throwing punches before Matt Carkner brings him down for the count.

Chris Thorburn vs. Hal Gill

Considering how big of a guy Hal Gill is and how much Chris Thorburn drops his gloves (10 times so far this season), you’d think that the mathematical equation for this fight would be Hal Gill + Chris Thorburn = Awesome, right? 

Nope. This is probably one of the most disappointing fights of the season. Can’t blame Thorburn though, he did his part.

Nate Thompson vs. Luke Schenn

In this clip, Nate Thompson bumps Luke Schenn as the whistle blows like he’s some sort of big shot or something. Schenn then reminds him that he isn’t, even bothering to calmly flick Thompson’s helmet off in order to drive his message home.

Christian Ehrhoff vs. Troy Brouwer

Fights like this beg the question: Why bother dropping the gloves in the first place? It’s not like Christian Ehrhoff or Troy Brouwer really used their fists for anything here.

Max Pacioretty vs. Chris Kunitz

The next time I need someone to avenge my death, remind me not to ask Chris Kunitz. 

Max Pacioretty completely cancels out Kunitz in this one, getting a good grip on him for most of the fight and blocking every punch thrown against him.

Brandon Dubinsky vs. David Clarkson

This fight was so boring that the camera crew decided instead to show Ryan Callahan and Eric Boulton scuffling at the benches. Enough said.

George Parros vs. Mark Stuart

Within five seconds of this fight, Mark Stuart manages to find the banana peel frozen underneath the ice and lands right on his butt. However, it’s also possible that he fell in fear of George Parros’ impressive moustache. That thing packs quite a wallop.

Sheldon Brookbank vs. John Scott

As you watch John Scott beat Sheldon Brookbank senseless, you almost expect the words “ULTIMATE COMBO!” to appear on the screen accompanied by a loud deep voice.

Ryan Carter vs. Pavel Kubina

Pavel Kubina isn’t really a fighter (with only 15 fights in a 14-year career), but he very effectively teaches Ryan Carter that he shouldn’t touch a Tampa Bay goaltender. To be fair, it’s sound advice—opposing teams are better off keeping their goalies in the game.

Chris Thorburn vs. Krys Barch

This fight isn’t so bad once it finally gets going, but watching two people wave their fists at each other for 20 minutes isn’t really my idea of a fun time. 

Also, Krys Barch probably learned how to fight by watching Rocky (didn’t we all?) since he switches from a southpaw stance to an orthodox stance and back again.

Bobby Ryan vs. Mike Fisher

You don’t really expect much from a fight involving Bobby Ryan and Mike Fisher, and about three seconds later, your expectations are justified.

Ilya Kovalchuk vs. Brayden Schenn

The overtly casual way that Ilya Kovalchuk drops his gloves at 0:46 in this video should have set off some alarm bells in the head of Brayden Schenn. 

Kovalchuk treats Schenn like a salsa partner in this clip, throwing him on the ground, spinning him around and even doing a bit of a do-si-do in order to face him properly. 

And then at 1:04, Schenn’s bell finally gets rung.