The Absolutely Worst of the NFL, Week 16 Edition

Fruitcake. Your aunt who "saves the paper." Relatives who think you're still nine. Well-well-well-done beef.

Christmas is a wonderful holiday with great traditions, lots of family time and plenty of opportunities for reflection and thankfulness. With so many parts of our lives, nations and worlds in upheaval, Christmas couldn't come at a better time.

But even Christmas comes with bitter dregs, like the prehistoric jar of instant coffee your grandma offered you this morning when you dragged yourself out of bed. Choking that stuff down is the worst of Christmas.

This is "The Absolutely Worst of the NFL."

The Absolutely Worst Quarterback: Kellen Clemens, St. Louis Rams

The Rams faced the one-man team that is the Pittsburgh Steelers—without that one man. What a lucky break! The Rams just needed Kellen Clemens to compliment 164 Rams rushing yards with some competent game managing.

Instead, he completed 9-of-24 attempts for 91 yards. Not in the first half—for the whole game, folks. You can't convert just 6-of -16 third-down attempts and win in the NFL, especially when you have such a dependable running game.

If there was any doubt that Clemens is not now, nor has ever been an NFL quarterback, that doubt has been erased.

The Absolutely Worst Sucking for Luck: Indianapolis Colts

Guys. Fellas. Colts. Whaddya doin? There's only one way to regain your status as a perennial playoff contender, and that's drafting a once-in-a-decade quarterback prospect at the top of the draft. In order to do that you have to be at the top of the draft.

Look, I know ripping off a couple of wins at the end of the season can inspire hope in the fan base. I know the redemption of Dan Orlovsky is a great story. I know Reggie Wayne deserves a last hurrah. But you guys can't screw this up!

Win again, and what might be the most incredible passing of the torch this league has ever seen could go down in flames.

The Absolutely Worst Navel-Gazing: The Battle for New York

After jawing all week at each other through the media, the New York Giants and New York Jets settled it on the field—then jawed to the media about it. Gallons of ink and e-ink were spilled covering the motor-mouthing of Jets head coach Rex Ryan and the Giants' response thereto.

Per the Associated Press, David Diehl crowed about the high stakes the two Big Apple teams were playing for:

"This is a huge one, Giants left tackle David Diehl said. "This is about the city, the city of New York and what team wants to be responsible." Diehl went on: "We went out there and played our game and showed whose stadium this is."

The end result of this is two inconsistent, mediocre teams both having records precisely befitting their level of play this season: 8-7. Whether or not either team ends up in the playoffs, neither will be making any noise—save, perhaps, the flapping of their gums.

The Absolutely Worst Home Team: Washington Redskins

The Redskins dropped their sixth consecutive home game to a 2-10 Minnesota Vikings team that lost Adrian Peterson to injury during the course of the game—and started a former sixth-round wide receiver at quarterback.

I really can't add anything to that to make it sound worse.

The Absolutely Worst Scheduling: The NFL, Detroit Lions vs. San Diego Chargers

I understand having late games on Saturday night is a great opportunity the NFL can't pass up. I understand the NFL can't help that Christmas Eve and Christmas Day fell on a weekend this year.

The NFL CAN help scheduling an Eastern time-zone team for a 4 p.m. kickoff. Sure, Lions fans still technically sold the place out, but there were still unsold club seats and available returned Chargers tickets.

Had the potential playoff-clinching game not occurred when many folks are attending church services and putting their sugarplum-dreaming kids to bed, the Lions would have sold those out and then some. Meanwhile, anyone on the East Coast either had to sneak smartphone looks at church or skip out on family Christmas Eve traditions to pay attention.

I know the NFL will cross any boundaries to pick up one dollar—but maybe, just maybe, they ought to pause before stepping over this one.