'Twas the Night Before Christmas, Cardinal-Style

This isn't necessarily one of my better parodies (I mean, it's no Pujols at the Bat) but I liked it enough for a Christmas break that I thought I'd share. Enjoy, and Merry Christmas!

Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the land

Cardinal Nation was waiting on Mo and his band

Albert's stockings were hung by the chimney with care

In hopes that a big bat would soon be found there

LaRussa was nestled, all snug in his bed

While visions of victories danced in his head

And Mo with his necktie and Blackberry in hand

Heard from Fuentes with one last demand

When out in the blogs there arose such a chatter

He ran to the Net to see what was the matter

Three windows he opened as quick as a flash

VEB, Fungoes and his own e-mail stash

The words on pages as white as new snow

Gave the luster of stats to theories below

When what to his wondering eyes should appear

But C70 ranting about his rotation fear

With PHE posting so lively and quick

He knew that he'd have to listen to Nick

More rapid than eagles the comments they came

Wanting Ben Sheets of Milwaukee fame

"We've got Jason and Chris and Trever and Kyle

But Adam and Lohse need help with some style

To the top of the rotation, please don't tell us no

Now dash away, dash away, dash away, Mo!"

Unlike leaves that before the wild hurricane fly

This new idea didn't pass John Mo by

Up to his contacts the cursor it flew

With an offer for Sheets, $30 million over two.

And then, in a twinkling, he got a reply

And a call from the agent as quick as a sigh

As he drew back his hand and was turning around

In the door came Mr. Dewitt with a bound

He was dressed all in red from his head to his foot

Looking not at all like a man with much loot

A World Series jacket he had on his back

And he looked like he was just Joe Six-pack

His eyes, how they focused on the bottom line

His nose could detect when nothing was fine

His droll little mouth then opened to speak

"I understand that you have payroll line to tweak."

The stump of a pen he held tight in his hand

Along with a checkbook, the money of the land

He had a stern face that didn't seem merry

Which meant Mo with his reason didn't tarry

"The bloggers, they're right, even Scott (who's an elf)

I have to agree, in spite of myself."

No winks of his eye, no turns of Bill's head

And soon John Mozeliak was filled with some dread

Bill spoke not a word, but went straight to his work

His owner duties he would not seem to shirk

And taking the time to read Tom's latest vent

He arose from the chair and out the door he went

He sprang to his car, to his driver gave a whistle

Then threw out some words that hit Mo like a missile

"Hang the expense," he declared ere he drove out of sight

"Merry Christmas to all, sign Sheets tonight!