The Absolutely Worst of the NFL, Week 11 Edition

After the lockout threatened to take this season away from everyone who loves football, fans should treat every part of this year like a beautiful, precious gift. With Thanksgiving right around the corner, we have plenty to be thankful for; our cornucopias have been filled with delectable plays, players and games from the autumn NFL harvest.

Of course, there have been a few bad apples in the bunch. These gifts should be taken right back to the mall and exchanged for whatever store policy will allow them to give us. These plays, players and games are the Absolutely Worst of the NFL.

The Absolutely Worst Quarterback: Philip Rivers, San Diego Chargers

I don't know what we're going to get with the Terrible Quarterback Store gift card we get in exchange for Rivers, but it's got to be better than Sunday's performance. Sure, he completed 21 of 31 for 280 yards and two touchdowns—but with a crucial road game still within reach, he threw two brutal fourth-quarter interceptions.

They say it's better to have loved and lost than never loved at all. However, watching your quarterback play your team into a game and then play it right back out again is a special kind of agony, especially after he's done it repeatedly all year. Chargers fans—and Rivers fantasy owners—would likely rather be put out of their misery.

Rivers is on pace to throw an amazing 4,836 yards and 24 touchdowns and 27 interceptions, which is a different sort of amazing. Would Billy Volek really be that much worse?

Don't answer that.

The Absolutely Worst Dynasty in the Making: Buffalo Bills

It kills me to put Buffalo here; they're one of the best feel-good stories of the season. But nothing feels good about that terrible 35-8 loss against the Dolphins. Watching this team drop from 4-1 to 5-5 has been like watching a kid who thought they finally made the nice list unwrap yet another lump of coal.

Bills quarterback—and Harvard graduate—Ryan Fitzpatrick is "absolutely baffled" as to what's gone wrong, per the Associated Press. Bills head coach Chan Gailey has no answers, either; Gailey called his team's Sunday performance "pitiful."

The Absolutely Worst Field Goal Kick To Miss: This one, Graham Gano, Washington Redskins

Redskins kicker Graham Gano was negative 27 years old when Redskins fans started hating the Cowboys. This longstanding rivalry has swung back and forth over the years as each franchise has waxed and waned.

Though the Skins appear to be waning rather enthusiastically right now, with a Week 11 win, they could have dragged the 5-4 Cowboys back to within one game. Rex Grossman was in fine form—well, as fine a form as the Sex Cannon gets—completing 25/38 for 289 yards, two touchdowns and just one interception.

So, when Gano lined up with a chance to seal the improbable comeback win, he probably felt the weight of 51 years' worth of Cowboys and Redskins ghosts piled upon his shoulders, or maybe, his kicking leg.

After he missed wide right, the feelings of Redskins fans everywhere were summed up well by former Redskins.com blogger Matt Terl, who tweeted, "Improved draft position feels better than a meaningless win over Dallas. (Yes, I have been drinking. Why?)"

The Absolutely Worst Hair: Riley Cooper, Philadelphia Eagles

Look, I have no room to talk on this one. I tend to wear my hair long, and maybe even a little feathery at times. Currently, I pull it back into a cool high school English teacher ponytail. But that's all good, because I sit at a computer (actually, several computers) all day long and nobody says boo.

But Riley Cooper is a professional football player, and when he took the field in place of the injured Jeremy Maclin. Those Jeff Spicoli locks look ridiculous Farrah Fawcetting their way out of the back of an NFL helmet.