Chicago Bears: 7 Things to Do During Bye Week

I'm throwing the challenge flag. I am challenging the ruling that this will be a weekend without Bears football. It just isn't right my friends.

But the ruling by the NFL stands: there is no Bears game this Sunday. Do not attempt to adjust your TV screen, and back away from the sharp objects.

For some, a week without football is a welcome respite. But for most us hard-core fans, it will be a strange and lonely weekend.

Sure, there will be other games on, but it just isn't the same as watching 'The Beloved Bears.'

With that in mind, I am happy to offer my help. I am not just your faithful Bears writer; oh no, I am much more than that.

I am your football psychologist, ready to ease the horrors of a weekend without DA BEARS.

So, without further ado, I offer you hope and helpful suggestions, all wrapped up neatly and tied into a bow. It's a little something I like to call "7 Things to Do During Bye Week."

Enjoy. And no need to thank me.

Pretend You've Volunatarily Given Up a Weekend of Bears Football

Don't let an opportunity to score points with your wife, girlfriend, mistress, or go by without taking advantage, men. 

Don't tell her that it's bye week.

I know, it's admittedly a bit devious and dishonest.

But hey, if it helps to make up for the many weekends spent in front of your TV while your significant other slowly stews in her own juices, then I say why not?

Offer to take her shopping (gulp!). Pretend to enjoy listening to her have a conversation (the horror!). Volunteer to help her clean the house (OK, now we're going too far!).

But whatever you do, don't let on you know. After all, you love her, and it's all about her.

Hehe.

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Taste all that DA COACH has to offer

DA COACH, Iron Mike Ditka, knows how to take your blues away, my friend.

First, light up a Ditka cigar. Enjoy the quality, mildness and consistency of the only cigars good enough to have his name on them.

Next, sit back, relax and enjoy a nice glass of Kick Ass Red wine.

Finish up with a great pork chop dinner at Ditka's restaurant.

And heck, if you truly want a real Bears' experience, plan your trip to one of the Mike Ditka Resorts for the weekend.

Following all of that, you'll certainly need some Ditka vitamins to help you recover.

Remember, Ditka is Da Bears. If he played the Packers, he would beat them 172 to -1 my friend.

You don't think Ditka is tough?

When Chuck Norris goes to sleep he checks his closet for Mike Ditka.

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Get Your Halloween Costume Ready

Hey, it's time. What better way to satisfy your Bears crave then by getting that Ditka 'stache and Bears jersey out of mothballs.  

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Go Theo Epstein and Ryne Sandberg Sightseeing

First, it was Theo spotted at a Starbucks near Wrigley Field, now there are reports that Ryne Sandberg is back in town.

Hey, the Cubbie Paparazzi is here and they are stalking the saviors of Cubs baseball. Why not start a search party of your own?

Watch Theo shop. Ooh, he uses American Express!

Watch Ryno order a milkshake from McDonald's. Oh look, he went for the McFlurry instead AND he added a last second McChicken sandwich to his order.

This guy's obviously a born leader the way he managed that double switch!.

Host a Tailgate Party in a Van Down by the River

Not even sure what this means, other than the obligatory tailgating reference. But hey, it's worth it just to see Chris Farley again, isn't it?.

Plus, he was one of the Super Fans, so there is a tie back to Da Bears my friend.

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Go out and Tackle Somebody

That's right, find a tackling dummy. Or better yet, someone in a Packers jersey and just smash him to the ground.

Or tackle a 12-pack of beer.

Look, it's a lot better than tackling the honey-do list!

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3 Words: Lingerie Football League

What better way to satisfy your desire for, um, football? No, these aren't cheerleaders, they actually strap it on and go ballin'.

But they don't strap all that much on, actually. In case you hadn't heard, this is a real league with real women

Talk about your fantasy football...

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