Hottest Stories in Sports for Friday, Oct. 21
Jason Motte ain't all that and a bag of chips, NBA owners and players cleared the room after David Stern got the flu and Tim Tebow is set to do the moonwalk over water.
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Let's Dish.
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In this edition: Players and owners are on a break...Rangers go home with Motte's ego...Tim Tebow runs for yards, possibly the presidency...UCLA and Arizona get their brawl on...Rex Ryan picks on Norv one too many times...PM UPDATE: Rick Neuheisel is a Witch...Skateboarder lands trick, blows my mind...What to watch this weekend
1. NBA OWNERS CALL OFF MEETING WHEN PLAYERS FAIL TO PAY FOR PIZZA
NBA negotiations have been called off for the moment, and I've seen this thing before. There is a feeling that sweeps over all of us at the car dealership. It's the certainty that you are being royally screwed. The NBA players have decided to walk out on the dealer.
Question on Everybody's Mind: How bad is it?
Our Take: Things have become so bad that David Stern was struck down with the flu. I would fake the plague if I had to spend three days discussing BRI, hard cap and the weird look Kevin Garnett kept giving me.
Hype Meter: 5-out-5 Barf Bags
The owners have the gall to ask that the NHL model be used for the NBA. This is like ABC trying to pay the cast of Modern Family the same amount the actors at your community theater make. It's time to bust out the Nintendo to play some Double Dribble, because we are not going to have a season, probably.
Related Link: NBA Lockout: Expect Games To Be Cancelled as NBA Negotiations Have Broken (B/R)
Related Link: ESPN Reports on Breakdown of Negotiations (ESPN)
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2. THOUSANDS WATCH RANGERS RALLY TO BEAT CARDS
Jason Motte failed to be the closer we all thought he could be as the Rangers rallied in the ninth to take game 2. Tony LaRussa stopped short of spanking Motte in front of the entire stadium.
Question on Everybody's Mind: Will Tony LaRussa ever age?
Our Take: Of course not, he's a vampire and never ages. But that's not important right now. What is important is the trouble the Cardinals are in. Baseball cliches tell me that you never want to throw a game away, and that is precisely what happened here.
Hype Meter: 5-out-5 Adrian Beltre Ankle Bracelets
This game didn't have the controversy of a foul ball off Beltre's ankle, but it was filled with high sports drama. The sad note is that me and roughly 3,457 people actually watched the game on TV.
Related Link: World Series Game 2 Live Blog: Rangers vs. Cardinals Updates, Analysis, Results (B/R)
Related Link: FoxNews Reports on Ninth Inning Heard Around Select Bars in the Mid-West (Fox News)
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3. TIM TEBOW HAS FINALLY ARRIVED TO BE OVERVALUED
This Sunday, Tim Tebow will have the ball handed to him by some fat guy that hikes it. This fact will have the media and everybody in the Denver area going freaking nuts on Friday.
Question on Eeverybody's Mind: How will he do?
Our Take: This is what scares me, my friends. Tim Tebow will actually have a good game on Sunday, but that will hardly be his doing. You see,Tebow plays the Miami Dolphins, the worst team in several decades of NFL play. Ray Finkle would feel bad for how awful this team is.
Hype Meter: 4-out-5 I heard Tebow Can Cure the Sick and Cook a Mean Turkeys
Let's just say that the piece penned by ESPN's Tim Keown is a touch of what we are about to see. For about 5,000 words, Keown reaches out and hugs Tebow with wonderful words. He then massages Tebow's ego with beautifully painted prose. I stopped reading because it got a little awkward half way through. Let's just say you will want a cigarette after this one.
The Give Broncos Fans Time to Travel Tweet Award:
Related Link: Broncos vs. Dolphins: 4 Predictions for Tim Tebow vs. Miami (B/R)
Related Link: Tim Keown Loves Himself Some Tim Tebow (ESPN)
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4. UCLA AND ARIZONA MANAGE TO MAKE GAME INTERESTING
The UCLA Bruins were beat by the Arizona Wildcats Thursday. Sorry, that's about as interesting as I can make that game. But my god, did you see that awesome fight?
Question on Everybody's Mind: Sorry, I turned the game off after Arizona's fifth touchdown. What happened?
Our Take: Well, a crazy kid posed as an official at midfield. But that's sane compared to the brawl that broke out. I imagine the Bruins were tired of getting virtually beat, and they wanted to get a literal butt whipping as well.
Hype Meter: 3-out-5 YAY! FIGHT! YAYS
This video will be passed around and ballyhooed on Friday. Many will ask, "did you see the fight?" It's a good question because nobody was watching the game, because it was more boring than a Charlie Manuel press conference.
Related Link: UCLA vs. Arizona Fight Video: Watch Bruins and Wildcats Come to Blows (B/R)
Related Link: Rivals Breaks Down Only Interesting Part of Game (Yahoo Sports)
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5. REX RYAN TAKES FAT FOOT OUT OF MOUTH
Rex Ryan has now apologized for the Super Bowl comments made about Norv Turner. This is like Billy Zabka getting his comeuppance in every movie he featured in. Okay, both movies: Karate Kid and Just One of the Guys.
Question on Everybody's Mind: Was this just Sexy Rexy being Sexy Rexy?
Our Take: Ryan says he unintentionally called out Norv Turner which is more BS than when FOX cancelled Firefly. Ryan was of course trying to get under Turner's skin, he just didn't know Turner would hit back. Yes, immediate thoughts of the bully fight scene from the Christmas Story abound.
Hype Meter: 3-out-5 Don't Get Norv Turner Mads
Unless Tim Tebow breaks a nail or LeBron James loses a pickup game to Chris Bosh, the media will hit this story hard.
Related Link: New York Jets vs. San Diego Chargers: Why It's Now or Never for New York (B/R)
Related Link: ESPN Reports On Regretful Rex Ryan (ESPN)
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6. RICK NEUHEISEL IS A VOODOO WITCH DOCTOR
Following a beatdown that can only be described as embarrassing, Bruins AD Dan Guerrero told ESPNLosAngeles.com replacing Neuheisel, "isn't even a remote possibility." This leads me to no other conclusion than Neuheisel being some sort of evil wizard who has either bewitched Guerrero, or slipped him a mickey.
Question on Everybody's Mind: I was fired for not doing my job, like Neuheisel, what gives?
Our Take: Good question, nameless UCLA fan. I will venture a guess that the Bruins know that nobody else wants a high-profile job for half the pay. They will hold onto Neuheisel because they have to, also because Slick Rick slipped them something in their coffee.
Hype Meter: 1-out-5 Fight Ons
God, that pained me to write, but LA is ruled by one school, and that's USC. Nobody will care about this story nationally because UCLA has slipped so far from the national spotlight. They only surface to embarrass themselves every so often.
Related Link: UCLA vs. Arizona Fight Video: Watch Bruins and Wildcats Come to Blows (B/R)
Related Link: ESPN Reports on a Bewitched UCLA Bruins (ESPN)
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7. SKATEBOARDER DOES A THINGY OFF ONE BOARD TO ANOTHER
The hottest new video has a skateboarder doing a backflip off one board onto another. I know, I said the same thing.
Question on Everybody's Mind: Really?
Our Take: Yes, here is the video of the straight dope sweetness.
Hype Meter: 4-out-5 I can only ride a scooters
My ability to skateboard is limited to tricks done on Tony Hawk video games and stuff I saw once on Gleaming the Cube. This is mind blowing.
Related Link: NBC Sports Covers the Skate Thingy as Well (NBC Sports)
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WHAT TO WATCH THIS WEEKEND
It's time to figure out what you should watch in between your usual beer-induced comas. Trust me, these will be worth being cognizant for. All times are Eastern, much like every schedule known to man.
Saturday
No. 20 Auburn at No. 1 LSU - 3:30 p.m. CBS
You can smoke your synthetic pot and still remain undefeated. Hail to the college football gods, as they are very forgiving. Tigers win this one despite suspensions.
USC at Notre Dame - 7:30 p.m. NBC
I highlighted this game to simply tell you how bad it is. This is like Madonna trying to strut her stuff in skimpy outfits. She stopped being hot 20 years ago, just like these teams. Awesome, NBC. Two mediocre teams on national TV. I think I'll watch some California Dreams reruns.
Sunday
San Diego at NY Jets - 1:00 p.m. CBS
Expect a ton of video on Norv Turner fuming and Rex Ryan's belly bouncing.
Denver at Miami - 1:00 p.m. CBS
I will be disappointed if Tim Tebow fails to perform like Joe Montana in Steve Young's body with Jeff Garcia's lady cheering him on.
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Until Monday, never doubt Frank Dreben.
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