Hottest Stories in Sports for Tuesday, October 18

Gabe ZaldivarOct 18, 2011

The New York Jets are nothing more than bullies, the Rams got a receiver they will waste and Jon Lester is tired of you guys picking on him. Oh, and Roger Goodell should suspend the Bengals for the larceny they just pulled off.

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In this edition: AM UPDATE: Carson Palmer's wish is granted ... Jets ride Dolphins like a G6 ... NFL trade talks, but will anyone listen? ... Lester: It's on, but what's Donkey Kong? ... A McCourt is finally paid ... Howard leaving O-Town talk = The new Brett Favre ... AM UPDATE: Ozzie's vacation over, mouth wide open once more...Ronnie Brown Will Now Fumble for Lions

1. RAIDERS AFFIRM DRAFT HATRED, ACQUIRE CARSON PALMER FROM BENGALS

Cincinnati Bengals owner Mike Brown was adamant that he wasn't trading Carson Palmer under any circumstances. Apparently, he has gone soft in his old age because on Tuesday he dealt the 31-year-old quarterback to Oakland for one guaranteed first-round draft pick and one conditional first-round draft pick.

Question On Everybody's Mind: Are The Raiders Super Bowl Contenders With Palmer?

Our Take: Remember, Palmer hasn't played in a game since last December, so it is going to take time for him to get into game shape. He is still a good quarterback, and an upgrade over Jason Campbell. Right now, they are not a championship team. But if Palmer provides the kind of boost I believe he can, they will make a deep run in the postseason.

The "Things That Made You Hmmm" Tweet of the Day:

Hype Meter: 5-of-5

We rarely see high-profile players traded in-season in the NFL, so this deal feels like an even bigger deal. The Bengals made out really well by getting two draft picks, and the Raiders upgraded a position of need by acquiring Palmer.

Related Link: Shock and Awesome: Raiders Continue Element of Surprise (NFL.com)

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2. NEW YORK JETS MURDER A BUNCH OF DOLPHINS ON LIVE TELEVISION

If any of you were unfortunate enough to be cognizant during Monday Night's game, you saw the brutal beat down of several dozen Dolphins. ESPN, in a classless effort, decided to show the whole thing. They even had the gall to show some replays of the low lights.

Question on Everybody's Mind: How bad are the Miami Dolphins?

Our Take: The game got so slow that the crew had the opportunity to cover every conceivable angle of the Andrew Luck race. After what seemed like the 33rd dropped ball, I had to move the Dolphins to first in that race.

Hype Meter: 4-out-5 Shots of Rex Ryan Running in SlowMo

Just to show you how awful Monday was, the blowout in New Jersey will be discussed far more than it should, kind of like the movie Jack and Jill. We were promised a Brandon Marshall tirade. Instead, he just dropped a bunch of balls and yelled at the ground a lot. Hmm, I guess we did get it after all.

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3. NFL TRADE DEADLINE IS SLIGHTLY MORE EXCITING THAN MY FANTASY LEAGUE

Today's 4 p.m. NFL trade deadline is kind of like Antonio Cromartie. It seems a lot more important than it actually is. Deadlines come and go with little to no fanfare, until Monday...sort of. It seems Tim Tebow's promotion is causing quite the stir.

Question on Everybody's Mind: Will Brandon Lloyd Trade Matter?

Our Take: Yay! The Rams finally got a receiver. Now if we could just get them a defense, some more offensive weapons and a new ankle for Sam Bradford, they will be cruising.

Hype Meter: 4-out-5 Tim Tebow Sales

There you go sports fans. A player on an awful team gets traded to a worse one. Excuse me if I don't take out my trade pompoms and go wild for an acquisition that will only affect that one Rams fan that buys a Lloyd jersey. Okay, that might be me.

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4. COME ON GUYS, JON LESTER NEVER EVEN HEARD OF VIDEO GAMES

Jon Lester has heard just about enough of your dirty lies. He is setting off on a crusade to save his name from the bullies that have sullied it. You see, Major League pitchers loathe being sullied.

Question on Everybody's Mind: Have we gone too far?

Our Take: Of course. This is baseball folks, a game that mandates you be hopped up on something to play it. Babe Ruth was blacked out for his games, and if not, I am sure he was fat for the majority of them. Remember, John Kruk made an All-Star team in this sport.

Hype Meter: 2-out-5 Popeye's Cajun Combos

Give these guys a break. Fried Chicken is delicious, and so is beer. Also, have you played video games lately? They are more awesome than than an episode of Denver the Last Dinosaur. So excuse millionaires for wanting to kick back every now and then to play them. Also, if you don't remember Denver, you may want to see about getting a refund on your childhood.

Best Idea I've Heard All Day Tweet Award:

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5. FRANK MCCOURT IS LOOKING FOR A LOAN IF YOU HAVE THE CASH

Jamie McCourt is a big ol' softie. She finally relented to a divorce settlement of $130 million. Now I must ask how she plans to live on that paltry sum. Somebody will be hitting up the coupon section of the newspaper now.

Question on Everybody's Minds: Will Frank McCourt maintain control of the Dodgers?

Our Take: Like George Lucas' grasp on time-tested classics, Frank McCourt seems destined to ruin the Dodgers for a while longer. In a tasty little nutshell, Bud Selig probably showed a concerned look when he heard this news. That is different from the looks of anger, disappointment and boredom he often shows.

Hype Meter: 2-out-5 Vin Scully You're My Only Friends

As was seen by attendance records, not even Angelenos could care about the Dodgers this season. I was at one game that literally included me, my brother and the family of Jerry Sands in the stands. I still had to wait 15 minutes to get a Dodger Dog.

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6. DWIGHT HOWARD HAS SORT OF BEEN THINKING ABOUT SEEING OTHER TEAMS

It was a real nice run, Orlando. But a town that is built around strip malls, humidity and Disney World didn't stand a chance of keeping Superman.

Question on Everybody's Mind: Is Dwight Howard Really Bolting?

Our Take: Imagine living in a humid hell hole where your only joy was going to practice. Even then you are forced to endure shouting sessions by your head coach that never stops sweating and looks like Ron Jeremy. I would want to leave too. In fact, I can't sleep now.

Hype Meter: 1-out-5 Lakers Need a Third Starting Centers

This will get buried under a heap of lockout news ahead of Tuesday's mediation meeting, just as Dwight Howard had planned. The man is a genius.

Related Link: Howard Hints About Conflicted Feelings (ESPN.com)

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7. OZZIE AFRAID OF OBLIVION IN FLORIDA, KEEPS BASHING WHITE SOX

Ozzie Guillen's hate-hate relationship with Chicago White Sox general manager Kenny Williams is getting worse now that he is no longer managing the team. He hates pitching coach Don Cooper for undermining him and the rest of the coaches, and does not seem to want to talk about the Marlins.

Question on Everybody's Mind: Will Ozzie Guillen Succeed In Miami?

Our Take: Contrary to popular belief, the Marlins are not a terrible team. They can't get people to come watch them play, but they have some good young talent on the roster. The farm system is bare right now, so it will take some time, but if Guillen is given the time he can turn this franchise into a consistent winner.

Hype Meter: 5-of-5 Ozzie Guillen Twitter Rants

Any time Guillen opens his mouth, it is good news for sports fans and writers. He is vulgar and opinionated, what more do you need to know?

Related Link: Ozzie Guillen Fires On White Sox (Chicago Sun-Times)

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8. EAGLES LOSE HILARIOUS ANTICS OF RONNIE BROWN

Anytime the ball went to Ronnie Brown, I knew things would not end well. The former running back and wildcat option picked up less yards than I had going to the fridge this morning. Now he is a Lion.

Question on Everybody's Mind: Will Brown flourish in Detroit?

Our Take: The Lions got Brown for insurance in case Jahvid Best can't play. Welcome to Detroit Mr. Brown, you will get some touches if our number one isn't too woozy from last Sunday. Trust me, we in the biz call every touch Ronnie Brown gets a "bad" touch.

Hype Meter: 2-out-5 Smelling Salts

After Carson Palmer, every other trade is small potatoes, or at the very least some very tiny persimmons.

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Until tomorrow, remember there is no hope with dope...or chicken, beer or video games.