B/R Daily Radar: Hottest Stories for Thursday, October 6
Tiger Woods is about to hit bystanders with errant balls, an MLB postseason is getting loopier than a Ron Artest interview and the NBA is pissing me off.
Welcome to the Daily Radar, the most important thing you will read in your life.
Let us know what you want the top stories of the day to be in the comments section. If you want it bad enough, I may just include it for you crazy kids.
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Let's Dish.
1. MIAMI DOLPHINS ARE HIRING
Chad Henne decided to have shoulder surgery on his non-throwing arm, ending his season. Miami fans were forced to wonder if it really matters who plays quarterback anymore.
Question on Everybody's Mind: What's Andrew Luck up to these days?
Our Take: The Dolphins are awful. They have just signed Sage Rosenfels which is like trading your garbage bag in the kitchen with the neighbor's. They could have signed Brett Favre's cell phone and have better hope going forward.
Hype Meter: 4-out-5 The Wicked Witch is Dead
Despite having a good start to the season, Dolphins fans have been rooting for Henne to either be abducted by a Pop Warner team, or get lost on his way to the stadium every Sunday.
Related Link: ESPN Breaks Down the Dolphins Breakdown
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2. TIGER WOODS IS BACK, AGAIN
Tiger Woods will make a stirring comeback to golf, for the fourth time in 2011. He will play Thursday in the Frys.com Open. This is a shade better than him playing in the Del Taco Open held at a municipal course near you.
Question On Everyone's Mind: Is Tiger Woods horrible, just bad or worse than Mark Sanchez with a football?
Our Take: I will go with horrible, no man is as bad as Mark Sanchez under center. Although, Woods plays as well as I do with a six-pack off Pabst in me.
Hype Meter: 5-out-5 Shankapotomuses
The only thing the world loves to talk about more than Tiger Woods, is a Tiger Woods that is horrible at golf. Don't miss live look-ins on Tiger Woods all day. That way you can see what a frustrated billionaire looks like.
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3. SID THE KID STILL NOT SURE WHICH WAY'S UP
Sidney Crosby's status is still in question. Months after he sustained his concussion, his progress is still in question and the NHL season isn't waiting for him to come around. The 24-year-old phenom's state has been reported and misreported since the head injury occurred. Months later, we still have no ideas what's going on with Sid the Kid.
Question on Everyone's Mind: Is he playing or not?
It depends on who you ask. While the Crosby retirement buzz has died down considerably, all he can do is tell us he's "likely" to return this season. Though it's frustrating for us, it's far more frustrating for the Penguins and Crosby, who seem to be just as confused as we are.
Our Take: It's panic time
Even though he doesn't seem to be mapping out his retirement plans, Crosby's concussion issues lingering this long are cause for major concern. A head injury is nothing to mess with and the Penguins aren't going to risk the future of their team by putting him in before he's ready to go. Crosby's return this season is an even bigger question than even he may realize.
Hype Meter: 4 out of 5 fingers Crosby can see
Crosby, the Penguins and hockey in general are in trouble. Having one of the biggest stars in the sport seeing stars of his own puts ratings and Pittsburgh's season in jeopardy. Love him or hate him, everyone wants to see him back on the ice this season.
Related Link: SF Gate says Crosby's return uncertain
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4. GAME 5 ALIVE
If you only watch 90% of SportsCenter or don't get TBS, you may have missed some dramatic MLB postseason play. The Big Bad Phillies are being taken to game 5. The MLB equivalent of a Dream Team may succumb to the Cards on Friday.
Question on Everyone's Mind: Is Philadelphia destined to fail two seasons in a row?
Our Take: In his last outing, Chris Carpenter pitched like John Kruk diets. The Phils should be safe for now.
Hype Meter: 3-out-5 Flying Hawaiians
This postseason should be getting a lot more run than it is. Half of you out there failed to get the John Kruk reference, missing that Kruk is so big he is refused service at Shakey's across the nation. That may be just a rumor though.
Ominous Tweet of the Night Award:
Related Link: 30 Most Dominant Teams in MLB Postseason History
Related Link: New York Times rundown of Game 4
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5. ESPN HAS PREMATURE RELEASE OF BODY PICS
ESPN delivered pictures from their Body Issue on their website Wednesday, two days sooner than the magazine was to be released. This is like Santa Claus putting gifts under the tree in October. Actually, that would be more like a fat white guy breaking and entering. I should call the authorities.
Question on Everyone's Mind: Is that all?
Our Take: Yes, much like everything in life, the pics were far more hype than substance. Except for Steven Jackson who actually made me blush. I don't know what that guy does to work out, but it may consist of eating small farm animals and bench pressing Chuck Norris.
Hype Meter: 2-out-5 That So Has to be Airbrushed
As soon as the pics became available online, magazine sales plummeted...before it even came out. Good job on the whole making me not care anymore, ESPN.
Related Link: ESPN's Pics That Were Actually Released on Wednesday
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6. SQUIRREL
A squirrel ran across home plate in the fifth inning of the NL division series game between the Phillies and Cardinals on Wednesday night. It was important enough for Charlie Manuel to answer a question on it in his post-game interview. I have no idea what he said because I knock out as soon as Manuel opens his mouth.
Question on Everyone's Mind: Wait, a what did what?
Our Take: SQUIRREL, A FREAKING SQUIRREL
Hype Meter: 3-out-5 Rabies Shots
This will become the cute video of the weekend. By Sunday, I will need to end my subscription to Squirrel Monthly from over exposure.
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7. IF TERRELL OWENS SPEAKS, DOES ANYONE LISTEN?
My heart goes out to Terrell Owens ego which took a hit recently. He told ESPN that he would be back in a month. The entire nation muttered, "Cool, we will be here not caring if you need us."
Question on Everybody's Mind: What did we ever see in him?
Our Take: Terrell Owens is that hot chick we used to date but left us, only to take up smoking, drinking and eating donuts at 2 a.m. On her return, we just aren't that interested anymore. Sorry we drove her to eat, drink and smoke. Oops.
Hype Meter: 0-out-5 Push-ups in the Driveway
T.O. returning to the NFL is about as exciting as Sage Rosenfels return. It isn't.
Related Link: The Washington Post Reports on the T.O. Dilemma
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8.. BRETT FAVRE FURTHER DAMAGES REPUTATION
If someone sees Brett Favre, ask him to play the game where the first person to talk loses. Maybe that will keep his trap shut. After complimenting Aaron Rodgers with a full backhand, the current Packers QB replied like a boss.
Question on Everyone's Mind: Who Will Be More Beloved; Aaron Rodgers or Brett Favre?
Our Take: Brett Favre has become the crazy drunk at the bar everyone is hoping gets kicked out. For some reason, the bouncers just don't see him. So, um, Rodgers. Rodgers will be more beloved.
Hype Meter: 1-out-5 Pic Messages
With every new Favre story, we grow more and more annoyed. Soon we will literally just shrug at his mention and mumble something about interceptions.
Related Link: ESPN Reports on Aaron Rodgers' Take on the Favre Drama
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9. NBA AGENTS BACKDOWN IN FACE OF SCARY DAVID STERN
According to ESPN, agents backed down from their threat of decertification on Wednesday. Agents played the part of Squeak Scolari in Baseketball when they demurred to the all-powerful Oz, also known as David Stern.
Question on Everyone's Mind: Who's side should I be on?
Our Take: Will we have NBA basketball this year?
Hype Meter: No. If you want NBA level basketball this winter, you will have to go to Italy or see LeBron James get dunked on in YouTube videos.
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10. ESPN: HIGH HITLER AND AWAY, HANK
ESPN released a statement saying that they appreciated Hank Williams Jr.'s contributions, but have decided to part ways with him after a controversial metaphor where he mentioned Hitler. It's going to be odd watching the "Monday Night Party" without Hank around, but ESPN feels Monday Night Football will survive without Williams singing a catchy jingle.
Question on Everyone's Mind: Is ESPN ditching the song?
Stephen Colbert highlights the void ESPN has created in letting Williams go. The nation is not going to be prepared for Monday Night Football without a song of some kind and a replacement is necessary. He or she may not have the stretch Williams Jr. had, but it's clear MNF cannot carry on without a song. ESPN has put forth some horrible MNF games this season and if they don't get a singer of Williams Jr.'s caliber singing before the game, it's unclear whether or not the game will be bearable. The question is, can they find a high-profile artist like Hank Williams Jr. who also refrains from making Nazi references? That's a rare combo they won't find easily.
Our Take: Hank Williams Who?
Okay, okay, Hank Williams Jr. is an icon because of his MNF work, but he's not irreplaceable. His racy comments are completely unforgivable and the fact that ESPN waited so long to officially cut him loose is the only surprising part of this firing. Feature an artist who a singer who is actually relevant. Ditch the sing-song segment entirely. Nobody really cares.
Hype Meter: 1 out of 5 catchy jingles
America hates change. Change can be good though people. It may seem impossible to think about football in a world where Hank Williams Jr. isn't getting the nation hyped for the event, but somehow we'll make it through together.
Related Link: ESPN axes Hank Williams Jr.
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11. WNBA FINALS, WOOHOO!
Did you know that we are in the middle of the WNBA Finals? Me neither.
Question on Everyone's Mind: That's Great, Who's winning?
Our Take: I don't know.
Hype Meter: 0-out-5 Missed Layups
I could have taken the same amount of time to type, WNBA Finals, into Google to give you a score and wrap-up of the series. I just don't care enough to go through the extra click.
Award for Most Boring Night at Chris Paul's House Tweet:
By the way, "The League" returns tonight on FX. Very low key PR push, so if you haven't heard or have never watched, you have now and you should. It's our favorite show.
Until tomorrow, SQUIRREL!!!!!
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